DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend was engaged to her last boyfriend for almost five years. He called it all off a few weeks before the wedding, and it really busted my girlfriend up. I didn’t know her at the time, but her friends told me about it.

She didn’t go out with anyone for over a year. Then, when she did, it sounds like she went sort of wild. She hooked up with a couple of guys from work, and started barhopping most weekends. Her best friend said it was like a weird phase she had to go through to get back to being herself.

I’m no saint, and have had plenty of wild times too. But now, I’m ready to start thinking about settling down, and this woman feels like the one for me. I just don’t know if she feels the same, or if she’s just using me like she did the other guys she’s been with since her breakup. Her friends tell me she’s different with me than she was with the other guys, which makes me feel a little better. But how do I find out if I’m just another stepping-stone for her, or if maybe she’s ready for something more real too? --- READY TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR READY TO SETTLE DOWN: You don’t say anything about how long you’ve been with your new girlfriend. If it’s still a fresh relationship, what’s the rush to define it just yet?

I understand you’re getting to the next stage of your life, but if you think there’s even a chance of this relationship being a real deal, then let it unfold for a while on its own. My suspicion is you’ll know soon enough if you’re as significant a part of her life as she’s already apparently become of yours.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know kids grow up and test the waters around grownups. That is what happened with my own and my husband’s. But after not seeing my daughter’s and my husband’s son’s children since before the pandemic, we were both shocked to see how different the four children were from the last time we were all together. I am not talking about pre-teens becoming teenagers. These kids are all under 10, and they went from being sweet, fun, and kind to being, frankly, a little bratty. They talk back, just take whatever they want, use words I know their parents don’t approve, and just drop their things wherever they care to, and don’t pick them up, even when we ask them to.

I know, well at least I hope, this is from the pandemic isolation, but do we put up with the petulance and say nothing in the hope that things will soon improve as they return to normal? --- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA

DEAR FRUSTRATED GRANDMA: I think you’re on target with your theory that the unusual circumstances created by the pandemic are most likely piggybacking on the natural tendency of kids to test authority figures. There’s certainly plenty being written and discussed about the effects of the many months of isolation most of us endured. If it’s made adults forget how to act around people outside their own homes, it makes sense to me that kids, who are still mastering all the necessary social skills, would be particularly impacted by a lack of using them.

I’d try a combination of patience and firmness. Boundaries need to be reestablished, and expected behaviors need to be clearly explained, as a way to remind your grandkids that it’s your house, your rules. It doesn’t have to be roughly done or loud, it just needs to be consistent.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I recently started treatments to help me get pregnant, since I have some health issues that can interfere with conception. There is only one OB/GYN practice in my area that offers the specialized care I need.

A lot of my treatments are very time sensitive, and I find myself battling with my OB/GYN’s front office staff to get necessary appointments and services booked. I also seem to have to leave multiple messages for my doctor and her nurse before I get a response. I don’t know if they are getting the messages I leave the first or second time.

The front office people don’t seem to get how important this is to me, and how difficult it can be for me to have to make multiple calls a day around my work schedule.

Normally, I am not a complainer, but I have so much at stake in this case. I want to complain to the head of the office, but I am afraid it might backfire, and I’ll get even less cooperation.

Is it worth the risk to get the care I think I am entitled to, or could I just screw things up worse for myself? --- TRYING TO BE A PATIENT PATIENT

DEAR TRYING TO BE A PATIENT PATIENT: It’s often hard to understand how something of vital importance to us is all in a day’s work for the people we’re counting on for assistance or support. However, that doesn’t mean you should accept what you consider substandard care from either the professional or support staff at a doctor’s office.

If it’s a matter of believing that the front office gate-keepers aren’t getting your messages where they need to go, you might be able to back up your phone calls with emails left directly for your provider and/or the scheduler via a patient portal or other electronic avenue. Although these too are possibly screened by someone other than the provider, there’s at least a chance of getting a direct response when phone calling isn’t doing the trick.

If that doesn’t work, I’ve found that polite persistence will often get you further, in the long run, than angry complaining, even if you find you need to take your concerns “to the top.” Often the head of support services is your best bet for getting issues ironed out, and you shouldn’t fear repercussions, especially if you avoid finger-pointing and name-dropping.