DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a new friend from work. He has Asperger syndrome, and although he is one of the most brilliant men I have ever met, he just does not get the kind of humor prevalent in our office. This has led to coworkers thinking he is stupid, or being purposely dense, but I have done some research on Asperger’s, which has helped me understand where he is coming from. I feel like I get him, and we have started hanging out more outside of the office.

Because of all this, we have gotten close, and I sometimes have a sense that he sort of wants to fit in more at work, and yet I also see how hard it is for him to do so. He knows he is different from many people, and he is actually very funny in his own way, with his own brand of humor. And he does indeed feel things keenly. He just is not able to display his feelings the same as other people do.

I do not get why people seem determined to remain so ignorant and cruel at times. Everyone acknowledges how brilliant he is at his job. They just cannot bother to get to know him better, as I have.

Should I be happy with knowing that at least he has one good friend at work, or is there any value in trying to convince others to give him a chance? --- PROUD OF MY FRIEND

DEAR PROUD OF MY FRIEND: I applaud your taking the time to learn about how your friend and others with Asperger’s process their surroundings. That makes you sound to me like the kind of friend we all need. And, I believe your mutual acceptance of each other is a good thing for you and your new friend. Being close to someone who sees the world through very different lenses is a way to enrich both people in the relationship.

Before making any grand gestures at work, however, I think you should speak with your friend to see how strongly he feels about being more socially popular at the office. Even though you indicated he wants to fit in more, that may not mean he’s all that into getting closer to those who take little to no effort to get to know him better. If it appears he is in fact interested in being more “one of the gang,” then it may help his cause the most if you simply continue setting an example for your coworkers to follow by letting them see the kind of successful interactions you have with him around the office.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend was engaged to her last boyfriend for almost five years. He called it all off a few weeks before the wedding, and it really busted my girlfriend up. I didn’t know her at the time, but her friends told me about it.

She didn’t go out with anyone for over a year. Then, when she did, it sounds like she went sort of wild. She hooked up with a couple of guys from work, and started barhopping most weekends. Her best friend said it was like a weird phase she had to go through to get back to being herself.

I’m no saint, and have had plenty of wild times too. But now, I’m ready to start thinking about settling down, and this woman feels like the one for me. I just don’t know if she feels the same, or if she’s just using me like she did the other guys she’s been with since her breakup. Her friends tell me she’s different with me than she was with the other guys, which makes me feel a little better. But how do I find out if I’m just another stepping-stone for her, or if maybe she’s ready for something more real too? --- READY TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR READY TO SETTLE DOWN: You don’t say anything about how long you’ve been with your new girlfriend. If it’s still a fresh relationship, what’s the rush to define it just yet?

I understand you’re getting to the next stage of your life, but if you think there’s even a chance of this relationship being a real deal, then let it unfold for a while on its own. My suspicion is you’ll know soon enough if you’re as significant a part of her life as she’s already apparently become of yours.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know kids grow up and test the waters around grownups. That is what happened with my own and my husband’s. But after not seeing my daughter’s and my husband’s son’s children since before the pandemic, we were both shocked to see how different the four children were from the last time we were all together. I am not talking about pre-teens becoming teenagers. These kids are all under 10, and they went from being sweet, fun, and kind to being, frankly, a little bratty. They talk back, just take whatever they want, use words I know their parents don’t approve, and just drop their things wherever they care to, and don’t pick them up, even when we ask them to.

I know, well at least I hope, this is from the pandemic isolation, but do we put up with the petulance and say nothing in the hope that things will soon improve as they return to normal? --- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA

DEAR FRUSTRATED GRANDMA: I think you’re on target with your theory that the unusual circumstances created by the pandemic are most likely piggybacking on the natural tendency of kids to test authority figures. There’s certainly plenty being written and discussed about the effects of the many months of isolation most of us endured. If it’s made adults forget how to act around people outside their own homes, it makes sense to me that kids, who are still mastering all the necessary social skills, would be particularly impacted by a lack of using them.

I’d try a combination of patience and firmness. Boundaries need to be reestablished, and expected behaviors need to be clearly explained, as a way to remind your grandkids that it’s your house, your rules. It doesn’t have to be roughly done or loud, it just needs to be consistent.