DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend had a bad accident on his ATV last fall. He crashed it into a tree when he lost control. He is lucky he wasn’t hurt worse than he was. As it is, he had several broken ribs, a broken wrist, and worst of all, a small fracture in his spine, which meant he had to wear a back brace for months, not to mention the ATV was totaled.

Now, he is looking to replace his vehicle, and get back to running it with his friends. I am so mad at him, I did not talk to him for almost a week when he told me what he’s doing.

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose him to his stupid dangerous hobby. What can I say short of it’s the ATV or me to get him to stop risking his life for nothing but a cheap thrill? --- WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV

DEAR WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV: I’m not a fan of ultimatums for at least two reasons. First, it forces someone into a corner, and that can lead to less rational decisions being made out of anger over being pushed. The other main problem is that you have to be prepared to follow through with your threat. If you aren’t truly ready to end the relationship over this, then don’t threaten to do so.

You’ve made it clear you strongly object to his hobby because of how dangerous it’s already been proven to be. If he starts up with it again, the choice to tolerate it or not falls to you. It’s a tough spot to be in, but if the relationship is going to move forward, you need to find some common ground on this and plenty of other subjects.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My favorite cousin has always been a bit of a doofus. I’ve always told him he is, so we’re open about everything. We grew up living two doors down from each other, and he is more like a brother to me sometimes than my own brother. I would do anything (legal!) for him, but would also like to hear from him sometimes other than when he needs a favor from me or wants to borrow money (which he always pays back).

I reach out to him all the time, but, like I say, never the other way around except for when he wants something. How do I get him to be more than just a “cousin in need”? --- WANT MORE FROM MY CUZ

DEAR WANT MORE FROM MY CUZ: I hear this a lot from people, that someone they care about forgets the phone/text/email works both ways. It can be hurtful to feel like you’re simply a soft touch in times of need.

My advice is to keep letting him know you’re available for more than just when he needs something by making specific arrangements to meet up and spend time together, just for the heck of it.

It may rub off, and it may not, but at least you’ll be doing what you can to try and move things to a more balanced footing.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband’s biological father died when he was little, and so his stepfather became his main father image. My father-in-law is not a bad man, but he is a strict one, raised in a strict, what I think of as old-fashioned home. Children are not to speak at mealtimes, have to address him and my mother-in-law as sir and ma’am, and never raise their voices, even when playing among themselves.

This is all familiar to my husband, who truth be told, had a real education when he became part of my big Italian family! We treat each other with respect, but it plays out a whole lot differently than what my husband is used to seeing. It is far more boisterous than the environment he grew up in.

I get the “my house, my rules” thing, but I now have to put up with balking kids every time they know we’re off to visit their father’s parents. I find it a little unnatural, and always stressful. And even when my in-laws visit us, I can see the stress gets transferred to my perfectly proper father-in-law. Consequently, they do not visit us too often.

What can I do to make life around my father-in-law more bearable for my normally high-spirited kids? --- KIDS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN

DEAR KIDS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: Perhaps it’s your husband’s job to reach out to his parents and explain that your kids are used to a freer atmosphere than what they encounter on visits with their grandparents. It is, ultimately, as you say, their home, their rules, but if a little bit of compromise on both sides can be reached, such as silence at the table, but relatively free range during outdoor play, both lifestyles can begin to adjust to each other, and hopefully, lead to less stressful visits for all.