DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A nephew attended college but didn’t graduate with his class because he fell short of a credit, and some years later completed the course required for receiving his degree online.

Recently, we received a text from his parents stating they are now having a graduation party for him a few days before a family get-together scheduled a couple months ago.

Do we just get a card or is a graduation gift in order? What is proper etiquette in this scenario? --- ANGEL NEEDS HELP

DEAR ANGEL NEEDS HELP: Even though it took years for your nephew to graduate, and he earned his final credits on-line, he still did it. It’s become increasingly common for people to earn degrees outside the traditional timeframe due to a variety of reasons. That doesn’t make their accomplishment any less valuable or important. As a matter of fact, for some, the achievement is all the more impressive because of the circumstances surrounding the completion of their studies.

While I don’t know what the rules of etiquette suggest, I believe a card is certainly appropriate, as would be at least a token gift to acknowledge a job well done, however it was completed. Faced with similar circumstances, I personally would opt to give a gift equivalent to what I’d give someone who earned their degree by going straight through their program without any significant breaks.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Ever since we were kids, my younger brother got away with just about anything he wanted to. My mom would never yell at him the way she yelled at me, even if I didn’t do anything nearly as bad as he did.

Even now, when we are adults, my younger brother gets away without being lectured by my mom, but if I do the smallest thing she doesn’t approve of, I get the third degree followed by a long sermon on everything I did wrong.

I just don’t get why he gets away with everything, and I am judged and yelled at. I am not perfect, but I certainly do usually make better decisions than my brother.

Am I wrong to want to not always be the one who is wrong? --- MY BROTHER GETS AWAY WITH IT ALL

DEAR MY BROTHER GETS AWAY WITH IT ALL: My best guess is that, fair or not, as you’re the older child, your mother has higher expectations of you and your behavior. I’d also bet that if you ask any number of fellow first-borns, you’ll hear a similar story.

If you’ve never directly and calmly discussed with your mom how you feel about the apparent unfair treatment, it may be time to do so. Old habits die hard, and if she relied on you to be “the responsible big brother” in childhood, she may be hoping and expecting you to continue in that role even now that you and your brother are adults.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we set up a 529 college fund for our granddaughter years ago when she was still in elementary school, we envisioned her using it for a traditional four-year college. She had a huge interest in nursing, and we thought this would help with what can be an expensive program.

We just heard from my daughter that our granddaughter has enrolled in a culinary arts program. To begin with, it’s only an associate’s/certificate program, which is disappointing for a young woman who did well enough in high school to be offered several community scholarships.

Now it feels like she is defrauding us and the organizations that gave her funds for her education. Our only consolation is at least she will be attending a real college (I looked it up).

But what kind of a future does someone with this kind of degree and training have to look forward to? She went from wanting to help people to wanting to cook for them. I just do not get it. --- PAYING FOR A COOK

DEAR PAYING FOR A COOK: Dreams change, and it sounds like your granddaughter’s did just that. As I see it, feeding people is a valid and real job; and one that can certainly offer a high level of personal satisfaction, as well as an outlet to reach many lives in a variety of meaningful ways.

Also, bear in mind that since she’s going to be doing an associate’s program at an accredited college, she’ll be knocking out many of the general education classes she would’ve had to take for most degrees anyway. That positions her nicely should she decide to pursue a bachelor’s in her chosen or another field in the future.