Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I used to think it was almost funny how fast and often my cousin would sue for damages for anything and everything she thought she could get away with.

We stopped thinking it was funny when we got notice last week that she is suing us over a “slip and fall” on our front steps when she visited us right after an ice storm this winter.

That day we knew she was coming, along with her mother, my mother, and my mother-in-law and her boyfriend. So I treated the sidewalk and front steps (all three of them!), and even scraped the iron handrail.

Everybody got to our place within a few minutes of each other, and the only person who seemed to have any trouble whatsoever with getting safely into our house was my cousin, who claims she slipped on a patch of ice on the edge of the top step and fell, banging her knee, which she claims gave her a limp. She told us she fell at the time, although none of us saw it happen, and we offered her some ice, but she never said anything about being seriously in pain or injured at the time. There was no bruise or scrape on her knee, and we didn’t hear anything more about it until we got the word from her lawyer that a suit was being brought against my wife and me for not keeping our steps clear and safe.

I find this all too much, and even my aunt says her daughter has gone too far this time and has told her so, although it made no difference. To my cousin, it’s like it’s nothing personal, just her way to cover her “medical bills” and make up for “lost work time,” which I also never heard of until we were served, even though we have all been together a few times since “the slip and fall.”

So far we haven’t even talked to my cousin since getting the legal notice. I think I’ll blow up if I do, so my wife says to just let our insurance company and the lawyer we felt we had to hire take care of it. She hates the whole thing too, but she says I’m taking this personally, when it’s just how my cousin makes extra money.

I still think I have a right to face my cousin with how I feel about what she’s doing. Don’t you think I do? --- SUED BY MY COUSIN

DEAR SUED BY MY COUSIN: I agree with your wife that it’d be best, at least until the case is settled one way or another, to have no communications with your cousin.

Think about it — her own mother’s told her she’s gone too far. Why would your cousin be more inclined to be swayed by you?

If she’s playing a game she’s won at in the past, it’s not likely you’ll achieve anything by directly confronting her at this time beyond getting your anger off your chest — which may come at the cost of giving fuel to her fire.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When our kids were small, Pokémon and Game Boy were hot. I know they are still around and have waves of being popular again, but now my wife and I are worried my 34-year-old daughter is wasting her time and money on these and other “blasts from the past,” which are way too young for a woman of her age. It isn’t like she has young children of her own to share these fads with.

Isn’t there an age when the things of childhood should be left to children? --- TIME TO GROW UP

DEAR TIME TO GROW UP: Unless your daughter is showing signs of unhealthy or addictive behaviors towards her leisure pursuits, I see nothing wrong with reconnecting or keeping up with earlier interests.

Nostalgia frequently drives revivals and reiterations of old cultural hits. Reaching out to something that gave us pleasure in our pasts can not only afford a respite from the daily grind, but may also help us connect across generations as newcomers embrace what older people have long enjoyed.

Something else your daughter may be doing is building equity. She’s potentially curating a collection that could prove to be quite valuable at some point, if it isn’t already. Even fads that lose their luster continue to have followers long after their heyday.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I used to be with a guy who had some real anger issues. He never hit or otherwise physically abused me, but he would say super cruel things, not just to me, but to my friends, and even some of his own. They put up with it, but after a year, I said enough is enough, and I ended the relationship.

I just found out that my ex is now living with his latest girlfriend. I don’t know her personally, but she is good friends with my sister-in-law, who knows about how my ex behaved, and has told me she doesn’t think it’s her place to say anything to the new girlfriend about how he can act.

Even though I don’t know the girl personally, I can still reach out to her to let her know about how her boyfriend treats people. I truly believe he’s an abuser.

So, do I reach out to her, or let her learn the hard way, like I did? --- SOMEONE WHO KNOWS

DEAR SOMEONE WHO KNOWS: While your heart’s in the right place in wanting to forewarn your ex’s new girlfriend, I’m not sure anything would be accomplished by your contacting her to share your experiences with her boyfriend. It would most likely come off as you being either jealous of his new love interest, or that you’re a sore loser who’s aiming to spoil your ex’s chances with a new woman.

Next up, just because you found his behavior intolerable, his new girlfriend might have no issues with it, odd and disturbing as that may seem to you. Different strokes for different folks could be at work here.

Finally, although she’s expressed no interest in doing so, if it’s up to anyone to say something, it seems to me it would be more up to your sister-in-law than someone unknown to the new girlfriend. She’s friends with the woman, and is less likely to be seen as having a personal motivation for raising the subject.