DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Unlike his parents, my husband and I waited until after we were married for a few years to have children. So when our son was born in April I was 10 years older than my mother-in-law was when she had her first baby.
All throughout my pregnancy, my mother-in-law was full of advice for me on what’s best for me and the baby, and from the minute our son arrived, she has been telling me what I should do for her grandson and exactly how it should be done.
She is practically obsessed with some things being done like they were 35 years ago when my husband was born. She has her way of swaddling, bathing, feeding, dressing, and everything else you can do for a baby. And at least half of it is different from how I am doing it, based on what I’ve learned and continue to learn as I go along. She says I rely too much on what I find online, and should check everything I’m doing with our pediatrician before I do some harm to my own baby.
I appreciate her wanting to help, but her help is causing me more stress than if I didn’t have her “help” the two days a week she’s over at our house.
I know that my mother-in-law means well, and honestly we can use some help, but I would prefer it to not include constantly being told how wrong I am in everything I’m doing.
Is that unreasonable? --- MIL DOESN’T ALWAYS KNOW BEST
DEAR MIL DOESN’T ALWAYS KNOW BEST: Every generation brings something new to the parenthood game.
You’re aware of how much help your mother-in-law can be to you in your son’s early days, and as a grandmother myself, I understand how much it means to her to be part of this special time in your family’s life.
I don’t believe you’re being unreasonable in wanting to follow what you feel is best for your baby based on current recommended practices.
Perhaps it’d be helpful if you shared some of the information you’re basing your routines on, especially if the source material you’re using gives good, solid, proven reasons why your preferred methods work.
Making your mother-in-law a more up-to-speed partner in the care of your infant son might hopefully make things easier for everyone.