DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife is always saying how very blessed we are to have so many family members around to help with our triplets. They just turned six-months and I get how much of a handful they are for my wife, along with our three year-old-daughter, but what she sees as a blessing is to me sometimes a burden.
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I get home from a 12-hour shift and then feel like I have to entertain whoever has been over for the day. I work with people all day long, and some of them are genuine PITAs. I don’t have any nice left in me by the time I drive through traffic for 45 minutes. I just want to come home and relax, take some time to sit down and unwind, and maybe do bathtime and bedtime with our daughter, which is all the time I have with her on my work days.
Instead of being able to do that, I end up being expected to sit around and talk with whoever is over that day, or to drive someone home if they got a ride to our house earlier in the day.
I love our families, and I am grateful to them for being there for my wife and the babies. But I don’t need to have company every night of the week and every weekend.
I don’t know how to tell my wife this without making it come out like I’m the only one who works hard. I am home enough of the time to see what a non-stop life with the kids and the house my wife has, and I know how much all the help means to her, but I need a couple hours off when I get home and before I have to go to bed to do it all over again.
Having people around ALL the time is making me nuts. --- NEED A BREAK
DEAR NEED A BREAK: It sounds like you’re making a reasonable request, and one you need to share with your wife before you begin to build resentment toward her and your helpful family members.
Perhaps you could speak to your wife about scheduling your helpers to leave early enough, at least a couple days a week, to give you a chance to unwind and have more relaxed family time with just you, your wife, and your children.
Another option is for either you or your wife to honestly share that you’re feeling pulled between wanting to be a good host and being exhausted after your long workday.
You may find people are readily able to relate to that, and only need to know how you’ve been feeling before they take it upon themselves to disappear in enough time for your home to be less crowded.