DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I didn’t start seriously dating until I was divorced for a few years. I didn’t want my kids to go through what I did when my divorced mother started dating when I was still really young.
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There was one man, Dylan, I was with for long enough for him and my kids to bond. I even thought he could be their stepfather. But things just kind of fell apart when he started getting so wrapped up in his business I felt we were not as important to him as I expect of a husband and father figure.
My daughter is 14 and she took the breakup worse than the rest of us. She had a really strong bond with my ex-boyfriend, especially since she has the fewest memories of her real father.
My 17-year-old son told me Dylan sent him a friend request and he knows my daughter had gotten one too. He asked me what he should do, but my daughter did not say a word to me about getting one.
Part of me thinks there’s no harm in the kids keeping in touch with a man who was part of their lives for more than two years. But part of me also thinks it’s creepy he sent them requests but not me. Nor did he run his requests to them by me.
Do I shut it down, or keep an eye on what happens if the kids do accept his friend request? --- CREEPY OR NOT
DEAR CREEPY OR NOT: What strikes me as odd is that Dylan sent your kids the friend requests without asking you first, and even though it sounds as if you have no outstanding reasons to prevent them keeping in touch, I can see why you’d be hesitant based on his approach.
I think you and your kids need to have an open discussion about Dylan and his friend requests. Their responses may give you a better understanding of what they’d be looking for in continued contact with the man no longer in your daily lives.
Whatever you decide, I believe it’s time to make your own contact with Dylan to let him know how you feel about his reaching out to your minor children without first informing you of his intentions to do so.