DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My great-uncle came to live with my family when I was seven or eight. I remember how funny and patient he was with my brother and me. When I think back on it now, I can hardly believe someone in his mid-seventies and with some serious health problems was willing to put up with having two little kids as crazy as me and my brother were back then.

Uncle Gerald is now nearing 90. He beat cancer twice, had bypass surgery, and has a colostomy bag.

My mother told me he was diagnosed with kidney failure, and he started dialysis.

I have seen mixed things about dialysis for older people and I think it is just keeping Uncle Gerald alive for my relatives’ sake and probably not what he wants. He said something like that to me when I saw him and we talked about being kept alive by machines when it’s your time to go.

I don’t want to lose my uncle. I have loved him most of my life. But I also don’t see how it is good for him to be forced to keep going through medical treatments when he is ready to go and is just going through all this to make other people happy.

Doesn’t he have the right to say no to all this and let himself go naturally? --- LET HIM HAVE PEACE

DEAR LET HIM HAVE PEACE: Watching a loved one in decline is sad and painful, and when choices over how and if to prolong life are involved, it can become even more difficult.

I agree that your uncle most certainly has a say in his medical treatment plan. Hopefully he has advance directives in place to make his wishes known should he become unable to speak for himself. Living wills and advance directives, although not foolproof, give an individual essential input in what happens to them at the end of their lives.

If your uncle truly is ready to let his time end, and he’s of sound mind and is able to do so, he needs to clearly communicate his wishes to those directly involved in his medical care.

What he’s telling you and what they currently believe he wants may be entirely different things.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I didn’t start seriously dating until I was divorced for a few years. I didn’t want my kids to go through what I did when my divorced mother started dating when I was still really young.

There was one man, Dylan, I was with for long enough for him and my kids to bond. I even thought he could be their stepfather. But things just kind of fell apart when he started getting so wrapped up in his business I felt we were not as important to him as I expect of a husband and father figure.

My daughter is 14 and she took the breakup worse than the rest of us. She had a really strong bond with my ex-boyfriend, especially since she has the fewest memories of her real father.

My 17-year-old son told me Dylan sent him a friend request and he knows my daughter had gotten one too. He asked me what he should do, but my daughter did not say a word to me about getting one.

Part of me thinks there’s no harm in the kids keeping in touch with a man who was part of their lives for more than two years. But part of me also thinks it’s creepy he sent them requests but not me. Nor did he run his requests to them by me.

Do I shut it down, or keep an eye on what happens if the kids do accept his friend request? --- CREEPY OR NOT

DEAR CREEPY OR NOT: What strikes me as odd is that Dylan sent your kids the friend requests without asking you first, and even though it sounds as if you have no outstanding reasons to prevent them keeping in touch, I can see why you’d be hesitant based on his approach.

I think you and your kids need to have an open discussion about Dylan and his friend requests. Their responses may give you a better understanding of what they’d be looking for in continued contact with the man no longer in your daily lives.

Whatever you decide, I believe it’s time to make your own contact with Dylan to let him know how you feel about his reaching out to your minor children without first informing you of his intentions to do so.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My granddaughter and her boyfriend have been riding a rollercoaster of a relationship since they were in their late teens. So, for the better part of ten years, including right now, I honestly can’t tell you if they are in an on or an off phase.

This is, of course, their business, but what happens is since we live very near each other, it is virtually impossible not to run into her parents, who I have also known all their lives, and I never know if their daughter and my grandson are even speaking to one another or not.

Do you think it would be rude if I simply avoid any mention of their daughter when I run into her parents or any other of her relatives? I worry it would come off as being rude not to ask about everyone, like you normally would when you meet up with someone you know, but I always feel like I’m treading on thin ice in this case. --- DO I ASK?

DEAR DO I ASK: If your grandson and his sometimes girlfriend have as changeable a status as you say, I suppose it’s possible you’re not alone in being unable to keep up with where the relationship is on any given day.

When you see her folks, I’d keep the conversation as general as possible. You can inquire about how the family members you’ve encountered are doing and go no further.

And if all else fails, there’s the old golden rule of safe, polite conversation ‒ stick to the weather.

These days that’s an interesting enough topic.