Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My great-aunt is in her late 70s, but she is surprisingly tech-savvy. What isn’t so good is that she is a news junkie, and the news feeds she likes to follow are not always the most reliable sources. As a result, she has this image of an unsafe, totally insane world that makes her choose to stay at home except for when she really, really has to leave it. She and I used to go out for lunch or dinner at least once a week, and that has not happened in months.

I am not the only person who has noticed this. I was talking to my mom and she said she has been having a harder time getting my great-aunt out of the house too. Mom said she told her that there is too much gun violence everywhere and that she was worried she would be somewhere where a gunman would start shooting.

How do I convince her things honestly aren’t as bad as she is letting herself believe they are thanks to what she sees on-line? --- SHE BELIEVES IT ALL

DEAR SHE BELIEVES IT ALL: The more sensational the story, the more play it’s bound to get in the media. That’s nothing new. What’s changed over the past couple of decades is how much more rapidly news gets spread, too often inaccurately and incompletely.

It might help your overwhelmed great-aunt if you could strongly recommend a handful of more creditable, mainstream news outlets to follow. While no news source can be accused of being completely bias-free, there’re still some out there that attempt to do legitimate reporting and analysis.

Personally what I like to do is if clickbait temps me enough to open an article and what I read disturbs me, I’ll do a little further research by checking other sources to confirm or refute what the first article put forth.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My parents have never smoked, and all but two of my friends also don’t smoke. So when my in-laws, both smokers, come to visit, all I can smell is cigarette smoke on their clothes, which ends up in our guest sheets and even on our sofa.

If our kids spend the weekend with them, I smell the smoke on their clothes and have to wash everything they packed, even if they didn’t wear it.

I will say my in-laws never smoke around the kids or my husband or me. They step outside to smoke when they are around us, but as soon as they come back inside, I can smell the smoke. Maybe I just happen to be very sensitive to it because it’s never been much in my life except through my in-laws.

My in-laws are great parents and grandparents. They would be even greater if they didn’t smoke.

Am I being petty complaining about this one thing about them that drives me nuts? --- CAN’T STAND THE SMOKE SMELL

DEAR CAN’T STAND THE SMOKE SMELL: I don’t believe expressing a dislike for the smell of cigarette smoke makes you petty. You’re entitled to your feelings on the subject, and it doesn’t sound as if you’re making any demands on your in-laws regarding their smoking.

Perhaps when your children go to visit their grandparents, they could have their clothing packed in resealable plastic bags so that items they don’t wear are less likely to pick up the smoke odor.

It’s a small step that’ll perhaps make your life a little easier after visits to your in-laws.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am 62, active, and in great health. Early last year I slipped on some black ice and ended up falling and getting hurt. The weird thing about it is it was a day above freezing with clear sidewalks everywhere except where I missed the patch of ice that had formed on a shaded part of the asphalt.

I was badly banged up and it took time and good physical therapy to get fully back to normal.

Ever since my accident my kids treat me like I’m made of glass and practically ready for assisted living. When I’m out with them they make me take an arm to make sure I don’t fall again.

For Christ’s sake, it was a freak accident that could have happened to anyone at any age. I hate that my kids think I’m on some kind of downhill slide and suddenly an old lady.

It gets me so angry. What do I have to do to prove to my kids I’m not ready for a nursing home just yet? --- NOT THERE YET

DEAR NOT THERE YET: The good news is your kids care about you. Sadly, that’s not always the case for some parents.

In this instance, your getting injured may’ve been the first time your children saw that their mom is not invulnerable.

I believe your best defense against their anxiety is to keep being active and make sure your kids know you’re doing everything you can to stay strong and healthy.

They’ll still worry, but look at it as positive payback for all the worry equity you invested in your children while they were growing up and getting their own starts in life.