Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Naomi," who is 8 years old, has been taking piano lessons for three years. In recent months she seems to have lost interest in the piano, and it's a struggle to get her to practice. I usually lose my temper, and she ends up in tears.

I finally gave up trying to force her to practice. My theory is that unless she is motivated by her own desire to learn, it's not worth the hassle -- not to mention the money we're wasting on lessons.

My husband disagrees. He thinks we should make Naomi practice no matter how much she hates it. I should also mention that our son, "David," who is now 13, was allowed to quit taking violin lessons three months ago because of his many school obligations, plus making the football team -- which his father wholeheartedly approved of.

Naomi is angry. She can't understand why we let her brother quit his music lessons, but we are not allowing her to quit.

What do you think, Abby? If you have a solution my husband will listen to, perhaps we can have some peace in this house. -- FIGHTING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FIGHTING: Assuming that David started taking violin lessons when he was 5, he has had eight years of music lessons. In order to treat both children equally, Naomi should take music lessons for another five years.

Don't give up so easily. Tell Naomi she may quit when she's 13, if she wants to.

For what it's worth, I have had numerous letters from readers saying they were forced to take music lessons and they hated it at the time, but later on, they were glad they weren't allowed to quit when they begged to.

However, readers have never written to say they regretted getting a musical education -- even though they often practiced with tears in their eyes.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for suggesting that licking envelopes and postage stamps is unsanitary, then recommending a damp sponge instead. Right on.

Many years ago, when I was living in a college dormitory, I noticed that my postage stamps were not sticking to the envelopes no matter how much I licked them. Then I discovered that cockroaches were eating the glue off the stamps! With everyone in the dorm getting cookies from home, it was impossible to rid the dorm of roaches.

Now that I have my own home and am confident that it is free of bugs, I lick without worrying. -- JOHN WAYLAND, WACO, TEXAS

DEAR JOHN: Better keep your tongue in your mouth. I learned the hard way that storing those brown paper grocery sacks is not a good idea. The glue on the sacks attracts not only cockroaches, but mice and rats, too. (Sorry if I spoiled your breakfast.)

People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Something wonderful has happened to my family, and I want to share it with you and your readers.

I have had cable TV in my home for five years. I have four children -- all in grade school -- and there was a constant battle about which TV channel to watch, as we had only one set, which was in the living room. The kids would sit there after school changing the channel every two minutes and not watching anything special.

I finally got sick of the squabbling and called the cable company and told them I wanted no more cable TV in my house. The kids were upset with me, but after a couple of days, they didn't miss it at all. Now for the good part:

It's been a year since I returned my cable box, and the children's grades have improved dramatically. They are now reading in their spare time instead of watching the boob tube, and my husband has started to talk to me!

We still enjoy TV, but now we rent tapes of the movies we want to see instead of watching whatever is available on TV.

I wish someone had written a letter like this one for me to see. I hope this helps someone else.

Love you, Abby. Please never retire! -- BEV IN WORCESTER, MASS.

DEAR BEV: I hope your letter inspires others to follow your sensible example. And who said anything about retiring? I promise to stay at this typewriter as long as my fingers, and mind, can do the job.

DEAR ABBY: We were married four months ago. (My husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves.) We also hired the best photographer in town, and were very happy with the results. His bill for all the pictures was $800.

My problem is my new mother-in-law. As soon as we got our wedding pictures, I dropped them off at her house so she could review them and decide which ones she wanted to order. I stopped by her house every weekend to get her decision, and she said, "I haven't had time to look at them yet."

Now she says she is sure she gave them back to me. When I assured her that she did not, she said she must have misplaced them, but she was sure they were "somewhere around the house."

Abby, as of now, the pictures have not turned up. My husband and I have argued about this, and I say his mother should replace them. I need your advice. -- ANGRY AND IMPATIENT

DEAR ANGRY: Since your mother-in-law is sure that the wedding pictures are "somewhere around the house," ask if you and her son may come over and help her look for them. If she is agreeable, and your search proves fruitless, accept the fact that they are gone.

Of course she should replace them. If she refuses, and you want the wedding pictures, you will have to replace them yourselves.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in regard to the recently published letter from "Tired in Utah" -- the lady who proposes to harass her over-60 husband with saltpeter to cool his sexual desires.

Your answer made it clear that this idea isn't too swift. Maybe you should follow Jimmy Durante's advice: "If you can't raise the bridge, lower the river."

A well-stocked health food store will have a vitamin called "Womanpower" -- composed primarily of yohimbine, an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the African yohimbe tree. It is reputed to be quite effective and might possibly rev up her sexual motor to the same speed as that of her underprivileged husband. The Womanpower label cautions that it should not be consumed along with alcohol. -- MALE YOHIMBINE FAN IN JACKSON, TENN.

DEAR FAN: I checked out "yohimbine" in my Random House dictionary and found it to be exactly as you described it -- an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the yohimbe tree.

Now, a word about aphrodisiacs: If you sincerely believe that they will enhance your sexual desires -- they might.

DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns Christmas gift-giving to my children and/or grandchildren. Their circumstances are not alike, and I want to be fair.

One daughter is divorced with one child.

One daughter is married with no children.

One daughter and her husband have two children.

My question is -- should I allot a certain amount of money for each individual, or each family unit? And should the fact that one daughter has less than the others enter into the picture? Is there a fair solution? -- CONCERNED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED: Spend approximately the same amount on each of your children and on each of your grandchildren. For those whose need is greater, give whatever you wish during the year -- but for no special occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I've waited almost a year after my mother died to write this letter. I am one of five children, and obviously the only one who even cares if the date gets put on our mother's tombstone.

Is there a polite way of mentioning this to my brothers and sisters? I make minimum wage and can't afford to do this myself or I would. Any advice would be helpful. -- NO NAME, CITY OR STATE

DEAR NO NAME: Try this: "Will you all kindly contribute your fair share in order to have the date engraved on Mother's tombstone? There are five of us, and even though none of us is rich, it's shameful that Mother's tombstone is as barren of identification as that of the unknown soldier."

Then list the engraving costs.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)