Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from Dr. Marvin Leaf suggesting that the fact that a person has died from a smoking-related disease should be included in his or her obituary. But why stop there?

Since obese people are inclined to have high blood pressure and arteries clogged with cholesterol, making them prime candidates for fatal heart attacks, an obituary might read: "Harold H. Smith, age 57 and 55 pounds overweight, succumbed suddenly last Sunday from a fatal heart attack." (His cholesterol level and blood pressure could also be included here.)

And, because studies have shown that there is definitely a connection between breast cancer and dietary fat, the obituary of Mary Jones might read: "Mary Jones, whose passion for ice cream, butter and barbecued ribs proved to be truly a fatal attraction, died Monday after a long bout with cancer."

Also, let's not forget those who have died of AIDS. This is America; the people have a right to know! -- STUART M. JOHNSON, LONG ISLANDER

DEAR STUART: Thanks for an amusing piece of satire. Laughter is sometimes very close to tears.

DEAR ABBY: May I add a few words to the letter from "One Hopeless Guy" who decided to chew tobacco instead of smoke it?

Let me tell you what "dipping snuff" will do to you:

The nicotine from the tobacco seeps into your bloodstream, causing the arteries to constrict. The blood platelets become sticky, while the heart starts to pound. Since the heart is beating faster through narrowing arteries, the blood pressure rises, increasing the chances of heart disease and stroke.

While all of this is going on, the tobacco that has been stuffed between the cheek and gums is leaving a white lesion -- a precancerous condition that becomes malignant in from 3 percent to 5 percent of the cases. Your teeth will scream for a dentist, not to mention the fact that your chances for developing cancer of the lip, nasal sinus, pharynx, larynx and esophagus also increase.

Your sense of taste and smell are diminished, which could result in the excessive use of salt, putting you at risk for high blood pressure and/or kidney disease. Also, too much sugar may invite dental problems.

I know this is not pleasant, Abby, but people who dip snuff need to know the facts. -- RON JETTE, OTTAWA, CANADA

P.S. As my stationery indicates, I am director of communications of the Lung Association.

DEAR RON JETTE: On behalf of those who dip snuff -- or consider it the lesser evil to smoking -- I thank you.

DEAR ABBY: You told "Foolish and Sorry," an Orange County girl, that you knew of no way to remove tattooed eyeliner. There are, however, ways that ophthalmologists specializing in cosmetic surgery of the eye can remove permanent eyeliner.

"Foolish and Sorry" should contact the university eye center nearest to her to find out if there is an oculoplastic surgeon who is experienced in removing tattooed eyeliner. -- KATHLEEN F. LOUDEN, CHICAGO

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: With all this talk about condoms, there's not a word about how to dispose of them safely. Are we assuming that condoms are used only in the privacy of one's own bedroom? Or do we see the real world and know that they are used anywhere and everywhere?

No mention is ever made of sanitary disposal. To a casual stroller, it would seem that accepted disposal is gravity. A walk in the park, and guess what? Your toddler just picked up an interesting little item. Or one cuts through the parking lot and finds evidence of what has been going on at an earlier time. Please, can't we protect others from the very thing the condom user is protecting himself from?

As the mother of a toddler 40 years ago, I was appalled when she found a "balloon" and was blowing it up!

With the enormous increase in demand, condom manufacturers can well afford individual packages that unfold to make a proper receptacle for disposal. I hope this makes your well-read column. -- MRS. E.S., SAN DIEGO

DEAR MRS. E.S.: Thank you for an excellent suggestion. I hope the condom manufacturers pick up on it. It would be a public service.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who regularly baby-sits on weekends. The child is wonderful, but his mother is the one I'm having trouble with.

Every time I baby-sit, I wait weeks to get paid. On some occasions, I have even had to call this woman and ask her to please pay me so I can buy birthday presents, etc. I feel pushy and greedy doing this, but how else do I go about it?

So, Abby, please ask your readers to consider their children's sitters. After all, you can put off the telephone bill for only so long before the phone company disconnects your telephone. -- SITTER IN WAITING

DEAR SITTER: It's customary to pay the sitter immediately after the sitter has sat.

No need to feel "pushy" or "greedy" -- be up-front with the woman and tell her you expect to be paid promptly following each sitting. The squeaky wheel gets the oil -- so speak up.

DEAR ABBY: Your rerun on hugging is now out of date. It should be published with the following warning:

If you are a man and you hug a child, you may be accused of child molestation or pedophilia.

If you hug a woman, you could be charged with sexual harassment.

If you hug another man, you are suspected of being gay.

Well, you can still hug a dog. 0r can you? -- JIM TRUMAN, GRASS VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR JIM: Yes, but only with the dog's permission.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This concerns "Name Withheld," who wrote: "I invited my sister-in-law over for dinner. She came and brought her dog. After dinner, she took a plate of leftovers, set it on the floor, and let her dog lick the plate clean. I was appalled!"

You, too, were obviously "appalled" because you suggested that "Name Withheld" should buy her sister-in-law a couple of doggie dishes.

Abby, a dog's saliva is antiseptic -- that's why dogs instinctively lick their wounds. I would much rather have my dog lick my spoon than take a taste off a spoon that has been in a human mouth.

Aren't dogs wonderful? -- JAN IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR JAN: Dogs are indeed wonderful, but Dr. Erwin David, my veterinary expert, says: "Dog saliva is by no means antiseptic. Several species of bacteria have been found in the saliva of clinically healthy dogs; so for hygienic reasons, I would advise Jan to keep her dog dishes and people dishes separate."

DEAR ABBY: This is in reference to "In a Quandary" -- the person who saw an older woman who resides in a retirement home shoplift a couple of inexpensive items (a lipstick and bottle of nail polish) in a shopping center store.

As a court reporter for more than 20 years, I have seen it demonstrated over and over that shoplifting is very often a sign of stress -- especially in older people. It covers all social strata: movie stars, executives -- people with plenty of money in their pockets at the time. A little investigation will usually uncover the recent death of a spouse, illness, depression or some other emotional distress.

The same is true of exhibitionists -- as in the case of Pee-wee Herman, for example. I couldn't believe that no one came forward with this bit of information. Check it out. We need to put our arms around these people and ask, "What's the problem?"

To haul them out publicly and label them "criminals" is ignorant and unsympathetic. -- KAY D., SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR KAY: Orchids to you for pointing out that good people will often behave uncharacteristically under pressure or stress.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, your "Chuckle for Today" read:

When George Jessel took Lena Horne to a famous restaurant, the doorman asked, "Who made your reservation?" Jessel replied, "Abraham Lincoln."

Abby, it was George Jessel, all right, but it wasn't Lena Horne. It was Sammy Davis Jr. And it was not a famous restaurant; it was a hotel.

Over the years, that incident has been attributed to Harry Belafonte, Milton Berle, Joey Adams, et al. -- WESTPORT PETE

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)