DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from Sen. Bill Frist urging people to become organ donors, and I want to tell you our personal experience.

Our precious daughter, age 19 and a National Merit Scholar, was killed in an automobile accident in September. While at college, she signed an organ donor card, and I knew about her wishes.

When the doctor told us there was no hope, my husband and I received comfort from being able to tell the doctors that our daughter had signed an organ donor card, and we wanted to carry out her last wishes. The coordinator, a registered nurse who took us through the procedure, could not have been kinder. She told us she would stay with our daughter the entire time, and that our daughter would be treated with every consideration.

Although we cannot bring back our wonderful child, it gives my husband and me great solace to know that somewhere out there, families are giving thanks for the new chance at life they have received. During her lifetime, our daughter brought joy and happiness to her family and friends. Through the gift of her organs, she continued to do so for others.

I urge all of your readers to sign and carry an organ donor card. -- COMFORTED MOTHER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR COMFORTED MOTHER: My sincere condolences to you and your family on the tragic loss of your beloved daughter. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience so that an important message can be heard. I hope the following letter of gratitude will help illustrate what an enormous difference organ donation can make in the lives of the recipients and the people who love them:

DEAR ABBY: Your letter from Sen. Bill Frist really hit home. The day before it appeared in your column, our son-in-law finally got the call for which we had been waiting almost two years: A kidney from a 28-year-old woman was being flown in from the East Coast to Minneapolis for our daughter, who has been diabetic for 20 years. The last five years have been increasingly difficult, from kidney failure to loss of her eyesight. You can't imagine the gift this woman and her family have given us through the donation of her kidney.

In our joy, we now turn to the family of the donor in their sorrow. We want them to know how grateful we are for this gift of life. In that giving, their daughter will live on in ours. You will all be in our prayers. -- L.A.S., INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MINN.

DEAR READERS: Now is a good time to search your hearts and add your name to the lists of those who wish to give the gift of life to someone who desperately needs a transplant.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for referring readers all over the world to Al-Anon. Al-Anon saved my life.

I had become submerged in my husband's alcoholism because I was addicted to him. The Al-Anon program and the wonderful people in it taught me that I was a person in my own right and that whatever my husband chose to do was his right.

I had the choice to stay, or not to stay. I chose to stay.

Other Al-Anon members become strong enough to leave and smart enough not to pick up another alcoholic to take care of.

My husband finally wanted what I had: a happy life. He now has seven years of sobriety. -- SAVED BY AL-ANON

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a survivor of the sinking of the USS Oklahoma at Pearl Harbor. Of the 429 crewmen who were killed, only 35 bodies were identified. The remaining bodies were interred in graves marked "Unknown." This is just one example of the tragedies of that day.

Is it any wonder we are upset that many people are unaware of what Pearl Harbor Day commemorates? One wife of a survivor was recently asked, "Is that where all the tea was dumped in the harbor?"

The following poem pays a beautiful tribute to those who died on that day in infamy. I hope you will consider printing it on Pearl Harbor Day. -- JEAN GOODYEAR, CASA GRANDE, ARIZ.

DEAR READERS: Some of you may not remember Pearl Harbor, a beautiful bay in Hawaii where a U.S. naval base was bombed on Dec. 7, 1941, but that day marked the beginning of the United States' involvement in World War II. The poem is a fitting tribute to those who died on that sad day.

DECEMBER 7TH

Pearl of beauty, pearl of life

Within your channel deep.

Rest the men and tools of war

For you and God to keep.

From northern skies

Fell death and strife

As history wrote by early light,

A tearful memory tale.

What valor is there to be found

In tragic human loss?

Man must begin to live as one

No matter what the cost.

For all who died that Sunday morn

We bow our heads and pray.

For them, please grant them peace.

For us ... a better way!

-- CORNELIUS DOUGLAS

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away a little over a month ago. She and Dad lived in another state, and for the eight months from her diagnosis until she died, my father took care of her. I am taking her death very hard.

Dad now tells me has met a wonderful woman! I am beside myself and cannot accept it. I feel he is in a vulnerable state and it is too soon after my mother's passing.

This woman has no job and lives in a trailer. She has an invalid husband who lives in another state. I don't want my father taken for a ride.

My father has some stability -- a house, a car, some money in the bank, and friends and family he will probably lose. Please help with some advice. I know he reads your column. -- TOO SOON

DEAR TOO SOON: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved mother. I advise you to remain calm. You may be jumping the gun on your father because of your own grief. Although he said he has "met a wonderful woman," he did not say that he has designs on someone who has an invalid spouse living in another state. Your father may be vulnerable and lonely, but based on what you have written, there's no reason to assume that he's seriously interested in a romantic involvement.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a geriatric psychiatrist, a physician who specializes in mental problems of the elderly as they relate to legal matters. A letter in your column from a woman concerned about her 84-year-old mother-in-law's relationship with a 58-year-old man caught my eye. In addition to your own excellent comments, two more points need to be made:

The main concerns that arise with aging parents are: 1. Does the parent have the capacity to understand and appreciate the consequences of the situation? 2. Is the parent being unduly influenced by another person?

Memory is only one part of the ability to handle personal and financial affairs. Other, equally important mental functions include the abilities to understand complex situations, to reason, plan and carry out behaviors, and to anticipate likely consequences. Problems in any of these or related areas make a person easy prey for con artists and gold-diggers.

Many people have sound minds, but are inappropriately influenced to do things that are not in their best interests. Someone who is lonely or going through a major change in his or her life is especially vulnerable. The unscrupulous thief initially promises friendship and support, then later convinces his victim to turn over money or property.

Many physicians do not know how to adequately assess the relevant mental functions. Of those who do, few have the skills or experience to apply their findings when legal proceedings are necessary. The consequences of inadequate assessment can be tragic.

For guidance and advice regarding problems of this nature, your readers should consider calling the adult protective services in their state for referral to a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist. Where legal issues are concerned, such as the capacity to change wills, make medical, financial or business decisions, the person's attorney should request the services of a forensic psychiatrist -- a physician who specializes in assessing behavior for legal purposes. -- BENNETT BLUM, M.D., PARK DIETZ & ASSOCIATES, NEWPORT BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DR. BLUM: Thank you for an important contribution to this column. The American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law (AAPL) also has a special Committee on Geriatric Psychiatry and the Law that can refer readers to a psychiatrist in their area who has expertise in both geriatric and legal matters. The toll-free number is 1-800-331-1389.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man who has been friendly with another single (elderly) man for about 15 years. He has never been married and has no children of his own, but he has some nephews back east. Our acquaintance over the years has consisted mainly of having him over for dinner parties with some other friends.

This elderly friend has been hospitalized lately and is now recovering in a convalescent facility. His doctor has advised him to give up his apartment. Of course, I have visited my friend at the hospital and the home faithfully.

Abby, do you think it would be OK -- in other words, in good taste -- if I were to mention (with a smile on my face), "Don't forget to mention me in your will"? This man is a millionaire.

Please rush me your answer, as he could kick the bucket any day. -- CURIOUS IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CURIOUS: To mention anything concerning this elderly gentleman's will would be in the worst possible taste. Besides, it's a safe bet that his will was written weeks, months or even years ago. Shame on you (I'm saying this with a smile on my face).

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.