DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town where the rumor mill can get quite vicious. When I filed for divorce from my husband, I told my lawyer that for the sake of the children I didn't want to bring up any of the abuses I had to put up with during our marriage. I saw no point in airing our dirty laundry publicly, so my lawyer filed on the grounds that we had been separated for one year.

It turns out that my lawyer's wife is a terrible gossip. She discussed the problems in my marriage with anyone who would listen. (I understand that I am not the only client she has talked about.)

I am devastated. Now the whole town knows. I am sickened that our children will hear the things from which I tried so hard to protect them. It has made the situation even worse between my ex and me.

I thought that lawyers were required to keep everything confidential. The damage has been done to me and my family, so there's nothing I can do, but I would like to know what you think. -- BETRAYED

DEAR BETRAYED: Your attorney has violated the American Bar Association's code of professional conduct, which dictates that everything a client says to an attorney must be held in strictest confidence, a very serious infraction.

While it won't stop the gossip already circulating, you do have legal recourse. You can file a grievance against him by contacting your state's bar association. It will either accept the complaint or direct you to the appropriate disciplinary agency in your state.

If you have difficulty locating the disciplinary agency, send a self-addressed, stamped, business-sized envelope for a state-by-state listing to the American Bar Association, Service Center, Re: Directory of Lawyer Disciplinary Agencies, 541 N. Fairbanks Court, Chicago, Ill. 60611. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I have never seen my problem in your column and must therefore believe others are not as affected as I am concerning this issue.

I am afraid of dead people.

I am a white, 60-year-old female, well-educated and a product of the Deep South.

I can go to a wake or funeral as long as others are around, but I will not go into a room alone where there is someone lying in a casket.

My mother is elderly, and I live in terror of her death because I know I will be expected to kiss her. This is something a lot of families in the Deep South do.

As much as I love my mother, the thought of having to kiss her dead lips is terrifying to me.

When I was 3, I was held up over my dead great-grandfather and made to kiss his cheek. It was like kissing a cold piece of marble.

I am a Christian and don't think I am abnormal, but this is something I cannot share with anyone.

My mother and sisters have no problem kissing our dead relatives, but I just can't do it. Am I abnormal? -- ASHAMED

DEAR ASHAMED: Abnormal? No. Traumatized, yes. Children should not be forced into gestures of affection, as you were. When the time comes, do not worry about kissing your deceased mother. If anyone comments, say, "I want to remember kissing her warm cheek when she was alive."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a physician who specializes in patients with sleep disorders. The dramatic letter you printed concerning a 32-year-old man who died in his sleep of morbid obesity should be very interesting to all of us.

The death, of course, is tragic. Your readers should know that even in the absence of weight loss, this death might have been avoided, or at least postponed. People with obesity die in their sleep because of a condition called "obstructive sleep apnea." This disorder causes asphyxiation because the airway is unstable and collapses during sleep, producing a drop in the oxygen level.

The symptoms of sleep apnea are easily recognized even by a layperson. Patients with this disorder snore loudly, appear to hold their breath during sleep, and awaken repeatedly through the night with gasps and snorts, which indicate a blockage of the airway.

Sleep apnea is easily treated with a mechanical device called "nasal continuous positive airway pressure." This treatment can be instituted even in the absence of weight loss and produces a significant improvement in the individual's well-being.

I hope that your readers will understand that obesity itself does not kill during sleep. It is sleep apnea that produces this terrible outcome. -- NEIL FELDMAN, M.D., ST. PETERSBURG (FLA.) SLEEP DISORDERS CENTER

DEAR DR. FELDMAN: I think you have stated it very clearly. If my readers learn something they did not know from your letter, they will not be alone -- I learn every day from the people who write to me. Thank you for an important letter.

DEAR ABBY: I read your quotes from the courts of law a few days ago and got a big laugh from them. But did you know that actions can speak louder than words, even in a courtroom?

My grandfather, John M. Killits, was a district federal court judge in the 1930s, and a local judge before that. In one of his cases an injured man was suing someone for his injuries, and the defending lawyer became suspicious about the case. He appeared very friendly and sympathetic.

First he said: "I see that one of your serious injuries was damage to your left arm. Is that right? How high can you raise it?" The man grunted and groaned and managed to raise his arm about a foot.

The lawyer clucked sympathetically, "My goodness, that IS terrible. How high could you raise it before it was injured?"

"Oh, about like this," the man replied, and he lifted the arm high above his head.

Needless to say, the whole courtroom burst out laughing and Grandpa threw the case out of the court. -- RICHARD N. GARDNER, HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I recently printed a letter from a woman who was having a heated discussion with her husband about whether a person should vote for him (or her) self. I responded in part: "I'd be interested in hearing from those who have run for public office and how they cast their ballots." Yesterday, I printed letters from candidates who did NOT vote for themselves. Today we'll hear from some who DID:

DEAR ABBY: During a political campaign, a candidate spends a great deal of time and effort working to convince voters that he or she is the best person seeking that office. By election day, the winning candidate will earn the confidence of the electorate only if he first has the courage of his convictions. To vote for one's opponent would be, in a sense, a breach of faith with the candidate's constituents.

I have had the honor of representing part of Fairfax County in the Virginia House of Delegates for three terms. Every time I enter the voting booth and see my name listed as a candidate, I am humbled by the experience. However, I am confident in my ability to serve, and always vote accordingly. -- JAY O'BRIEN, R-FAIRFAX COUNTY

DEAR ABBY: Of course I voted for myself! How could I tell voters I'm their best choice and then vote for someone else? It wouldn't say much for my integrity. -- ALEX MUNTER, MEMBER, OTTAWA-CARLETON REGIONAL COUNCIL, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: I have run for public office 10 times and have been fortunate to win each time. I would have trouble voting for my opponent when I really felt I was best suited for the position. You can sign me ... H.D.P., KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman who believed candidates would not vote for themselves out of "humility and old-fashioned manners" struck me as humorous for two reasons: First, in evaluating the current political landscape, from all appearances it seems that humility and old-fashioned manners are nowhere to be found.

The second and more compelling reason comes from my experience in a November 1992 local election. Although I currently serve as vice mayor of my community, in that election I lost my initial bid for office by only one vote out of over 11,000 cast. I can only imagine how I might have felt if I had lost the election and NOT voted for myself!

Of course politicians vote for themselves, and why shouldn't they? If they are trying to convince the electorate that they are the best candidate, then they must believe it also. A vote is too precious to waste frivolously. I know. -- L. STEPHEN GIZZI, VICE MAYOR, BENICIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: In 1949, I ran for county supervisor in Sangamon County, Ill. I campaigned vigorously, calling on hundreds of voters, as I was aware that my opponent, a socially prominent lady of wealth, had held the office for many years and would be hard to beat.

On election day, my common Midwestern horse sense overcame my chivalry, and I voted for myself.

Next morning the Springfield newspapers carried the startling news that I had won by a margin of a single vote -- 6,334 to her 6,333. -- BOB GUYMON, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)