Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: The 1997 VISION USA program is about to get under way, and once again we hope you will help to spread the news that low-income workers with no health insurance can apply to this program for free eye care. We are among 8,000 optometrists who, for the last six years, have volunteered our services to provide more than 200,000 children and adults with needed eye care.

Last year, one of our VISION USA patients was an elementary school student who was legally blind due to a congenital vision problem. This child had gone without glasses for two years because there was no money to replace the pair that had broken. With help from us, the Indiana University School of Optometry and the Ronald McDonald Foundation, this child received an eye exam, a low vision evaluation, glasses, a lighted stand magnifier and a special pair of filter sunglasses.

Most of the approximately 200,000 people who have received care through VISION USA don't have such dramatic situations. However, the American Optometric Association, which sponsors the program, reports that nine out of 10 have eye health or vision problems that can interfere with their ability to work or go to school. Some have sight-threatening conditions such as glaucoma.

Abby, we appreciate your passing the word along to your readers. There are many people out there who need eye care and could benefit from VISION USA. -- DEBRA McCONNAHA, O.D., LILIEN VOGL, O.D., RICHARD SCHAMERLOH, O.D., INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR DRS. McCONNAHA, VOGL AND SCHAMERLOH: I'm pleased once again to alert my readers to your worthwile volunteer program.

To qualify for free eye care, persons must have a job or live in a household where there is one working member; have no health insurance of any kind; have an income below an established level based on household size; and have had no eye examination within the last two years. (Eligibility requirements may vary in some states.)

From Jan. 2-31, 1997, low-income working people and their families can be screened for eligibility for the 1997 VISION USA program by calling 1-800-766-4466. Phone lines will be open weekdays from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. (CST). Because phone lines are sometimes very busy, it may be easier to apply by mail. Application forms are available from VISION USA, 243 Lindbergh Blvd., St. Louis, Mo. 63141. (Completed forms must be postmarked by Jan. 25.)

The comprehensive eye exams will be given in optometrists' private offices in March, coinciding with the celebration of Save Your Vision Week, March 2-8.

DEAR ABBY: In your column concerning the late Harry S. Truman, you made a grammatical error. You wrote: Your story about Harry Truman does not surprise me.

Abby, you should have said "astonish," not "surprise." To help you avoid making this mistake in the future, I offer this true story:

Shortly after he published his first dictionary, Noah Webster's wife came home and found Noah in bed with the maid. She shouted, "Noah ... I am surprised!"

He then sat up in bed, shook his head ruefully and said, "No, Madame, YOU are astonished. I am surprised." -- NORMAN M. HULINGS JR., TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: Add this to your list of things for which Harry Truman can be admired:

When Truman's term as president expired, he and Bess were offered the use of the presidential train to make their trip back to Independence, Mo.

He turned down the offer. Harry and Bess left Washington with Harry driving their relatively old Dodge automobile -- CALVIN S. HOLM, THIENSVILLE, WIS.

DEAR MR. HOLM: According to an archivist at the Truman Library, you have your stories mixed up. After a farewell luncheon in Washington with Cabinet members, Harry and Bess returned to Independence by train on Jan. 20, 1953. When the train arrived the next night, they were welcomed by an enthusiastic hometown crowd. But they did drive their new Chrysler back to Washington in June of 1953 to visit friends.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my husband began a new career in the security business, working for a reputable company. Unfortunately, he discovered that not all security companies are reputable.

One day he came home with a frightening story. He had an emergency appointment to talk with an elderly couple in an affluent neighborhood about installing a security system. When he walked through their door, he found the house ransacked, furniture overturned and what looked like blood stains everywhere. The woman told him that they had been robbed the night before, and her husband had been hospitalized overnight after trying to protect her and their home.

That tragedy might have been prevented had she not told the man posing as a telemarketer two days earlier that she was interested in a "great security system deal." Violent thieves were, as they say in the business, "prequalifying" this couple for a crime.

Please don't tell anyone anything about yourself over the phone. If you're interested in a product or service, get recommendations from friends and neighbors, or get a company's name and telephone number from the yellow pages -- and make the calls yourself. This advice is never a foolproof guarantee, but at least you're the one in control.

Thank you, Abby, for your wonderful column. I hope that with all of your past letters plus this one, the lives and property of your readers will be safeguarded. -- MARY IN COVENTRY, CONN.

DEAR MARY: What a sobering warning. Because it can be difficult to distinguish between a legitimate telemarketing call and one that is not, I'm suggesting some basic rules to follow:

1. Never disclose your credit card number, bank account number or address to a stranger on the telephone.

2. Suspect anyone who tries to sell you something unseen or asks you for money in advance.

3. Remember: In order to get a "free prize," you shouldn't have to pay for anything.

4. Don't be rushed into a purchase or donation. Reputable charities and businesses are willing to mail you written material describing their programs and products. They will also give you time to think it over.

5. Pay by check or money order only -- never cash. Never allow anyone to come to your home to pick up the payment or donation.

6. Call the Better Business Bureau or your state's attorney general if a telemarketer uses pressure tactics such as intimidation, threats or repeated harassing calls.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice that "Fed Up in Milwaukee" (the woman who received only three responses to 45 invitations) should call everyone she invited and ask whether or not they plan to attend.

Abby, why is it her responsibility to track down all those ill-mannered people who are too lazy to pick up the phone?

I have a suggestion for "Fed Up": Call the three people who did respond and cancel the party, with apologies. Then plan something nice for you and your husband for that date: a play, a special dinner, anything so you are not at home that evening. Wait for the surprised reactions of those who didn't respond but showed up at your house expecting a party.

I did this once. After that, those who were invited to my home and wanted to come let me know in advance, just as my invitation requested. -- SENIOR IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.

DEAR SENIOR: Although not everyone would be comfortable following your suggestion, it shows creativity plus a healthy dose of "chutzpah," and teaches a valuable lesson.

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Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from Carol Montgomery of Tucson, who wrote about a teen-ager who was afraid to tell her parents she was pregnant, so she secretly gave birth to a boy and strangled it. Now she is charged with first-degree murder. Ms. Montgomery uses this story to support her view that condoms should be distributed in high schools, thus making sex "safe."

Abby, her argument is fundamentally flawed. She assumes that the girl and her boyfriend, having access to condoms, would have used them. Last time I looked, the pregnancy rate among unwed teen-agers is continuing to rise in spite of condom distribution. Obviously, some teen-agers armed with information and condoms are using neither.

The real tragedy of Ms. Montgomery's example is that the parents were unaware of what was happening with their daughter and also unable or unwilling to communicate their love to her.

When I was a teen-ager, my parents lovingly told me the facts about sex and expressed their hope that I'd wait until marriage. However, they also made it clear that if I chose to become sexually active and became pregnant, I would always have a home with them and they would love me, no matter what. Their strategy worked, and in spite of having raging hormones, I waited.

Instead of assuming that teen-agers have no self-control and handing them condoms, perhaps we should encourage parents to talk with their kids, and decide how sexuality should be handled.

I can think of no better gift to give my children than keeping the lines of communication open so that, even in the darkest of times, they can come to me and we can figure out a solution together. -- SARAH V. BAUMANN, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR SARAH: Your common sense and compassion rate an A-plus. However, according to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a not-for-profit corporation for reproductive health research, the pregnancy rate among sexually experienced teen-agers ages 15 to 19 has declined 19 percent in the last two decades -- an encouraging indication that sexually experienced adolescents are using contraceptives more effectively than did their counterparts in the past.

Read on for what two students have to say regarding this issue:

DEAR ABBY: May I add to the sex education debate? The more valid information young people have, the better their choices. Waiting until "the wedding night" to have the facts-of-life chat is too late, and so is 16!

We know that the only kind of diet that really works is one that tells what we CAN eat, not what we CANNOT eat. That also holds true for sex education. Being told what we shouldn't do (i.e., don't date, don't have sex) rarely prevents kids from becoming sexually active.

Parents can share their values and beliefs, and let their children know that they are trusted to make wise choices in tough situations. Sign me ... ALSO FROM TUCSON, AT THE U. OF ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank Carol Montgomery for expressing an opinion that I strongly believe in. We need sex education in schools to promote safer sex.

Two of my friends got pregnant and another friend got a disease. Giving students condoms doesn't tell us it's a good idea to have sex; it reminds us that if we're having sex (or plan to), we should practice safe sex.

Nobody from the press or the television news has asked anyone in my age group what we think about distributing condoms in school. Some teen-agers may be too embarrassed to buy birth control at a drugstore or go to a clinic to ask for the pill.

Not all teen-agers are irresponsible, pot-smoking, cocaine-snorting morons like many adults seem to think.

Thank you, Abby, for allowing me to express my feelings. -- A SENIOR IN THE SOUTHLAND

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)