DEAR ABBY: In this hectic and often confusing world in which we live, one of the most priceless treasures I possess is a happy and mutually sustaining marriage. Hanging in our bedroom is a wall plaque we received on our wedding day, almost 20 years ago. Over the years and through various moves, it has accompanied us and always found a place of honor in our home. The author's name is not shown. I wish I knew who wrote these beautiful sentiments, for although 20 years have passed, the words of wisdom are timeless. Perhaps you will find it worth sharing with your readers. -- VALERY STEWART, OXNARD, CALIF.,

DEAR VALERY: Indeed I do -- and here it is. Read on:

THE ART OF MARRIAGE

A good marriage must be created.

In marriage, the little things are the big things ...

Never being too old to hold hands.

Remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

Never going to sleep angry.

Having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

Standing together facing the world.

Forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

Speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

Having the capacity to forgive and forget, and then forgetting what you forgave.

Giving each other an atmosphere in which to grow.

Not only MARRYING the right person, but BEING the right partner.

DEAR ABBY: Re: visible house addresses. As a longtime member of an ambulance corps, I endorse making house numbers visible from the street. More than once I have had to run up and down a street trying to locate the house from which 911 was called because someone was having chest pains, or worse. In addition to having visible house numbers, if possible someone should be stationed at the front door or outside to signal to the responding emergency personnel.

I do not agree, however, with encouraging your readers to find or start a group to paint curbside addresses. While this practice can be helpful in certain circumstances, it is worthless when snow, ice or leaves cover the curb.

The efforts of those who want to help should concentrate on your last suggestion: Your street numbers should be clearly visible from the street and well-lighted at night. -- C.B. YOUNG JR., RAMSEY, N.J.

DEAR C.G.: Sorry, living in sunny California, I failed to consider adverse weather conditions in other sections of the country. I should have thought about parked cars blocking curbside numbers. I concede that clearly visible numbers on the house is the better idea.

Other readers complained about places of business not having address numbers that are easy to spot. Those could be important to emergency personnel as well as to customers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is divorced and has a live-in boyfriend, man friend -- no, an old man living with her. He's good to her, but he's too old, and now she's starting to show signs of aging. She's only 58. The boyfriend is 78 and is really getting on the family's nerves.

At night when he drives, he can't see the turn-offs. When he comes to family gatherings, he can't stand the kids yelling and having fun. What a party pooper!

When he dies, if he dies first, she'll be lost. If she goes first, look at all the things she will have missed out on by hanging around an old man. I say it's OK to be friends, but leave it at that. Life's too short -- get on with it. -- FRUSTRATED IN WHITEWATER, WIS.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: From your description of the relationship, your mother-in-law HAS already gotten on with it. She has the right to make her own choices. Remember: His age is not nearly as important as how he treats her.

Be thankful your mother-in-law has found a love match. Not everyone is as fortunate as she.

DEAR ABBY: A while ago you printed a letter from a woman who was concerned because her husband insisted on wearing the wedding band given to him by his late wife.

I lost my first wife at age 19, but was fortunate to meet my present wife two years later.

She resolved the "problem" of the first wedding ring by taking it, along with the ring she gave me, to a jeweler who welded them together. I now have a unique wedding band and a wife who's one in a million. We've been married 34 wonderful years. -- TOM COLLIMORE, SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR TOM: What a wise and inventive woman you married. Cherish her. She's an original thinker.

DEAR ABBY: I wholeheartedly agree with "Miss Judi," the librarian in Dallas who wanted to remind families about the benefits of public libraries. Our family of six has been making do with slim resources for many years while Dad was in graduate school and starting his career.

All the children got library cards as soon as they could write their names. I showed them how to use the card catalog and introduced them to the librarian. (Sometimes you get a grump, but most of them like to help.) We've spent many a Saturday or Sunday afternoon in our library enjoying the books, programs and other materials they offer.

Today, my children -- ages 6 through 12 -- are avid readers who love books. They even save their allowance to spend on some popular titles that are hard to find in the library. I'm certain this love will take them far in life.

Family memberships to zoos and museums also provide low-cost educational family entertainment. A membership usually costs about what you would pay for two or three visits. With a membership, you also receive admission to member events and special exhibits, and discounts at the gift shops. During the long winter months, being able to go to the museum instead of watching another video is a real treat.

It has taken some effort, but the family entertainment we have discovered on our limited budget is fun and fascinating, and keeps us an active, involved family. -- INNOVATIVE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR INNOVATIVE: Your entertainment suggestions are just the ticket for families on a tight budget and those who value education. I have always encouraged young people to avail themselves of libraries, for books open up new worlds, real and imagined. Museums and libraries contain the knowledge and imagination of mankind's best -- treasures more valuable than gold and precious jewels. Readers, I recommend this. Positive results are almost guaranteed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed the negative responses I received when I asked readers about their experiences as children of older parents. Today I'm printing the positive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My dad was 46 when I was born. He was the most patient, loving father in the world. He'd show up at school when I was younger, take movies of me playing sports and running. We hiked the Grand Canyon, fished, played softball together all my life. He was always there for me, as well as for my daughter. I sent him a dozen roses for his 81st birthday last April and told him how much I loved him. He passed away 2 1/2 weeks later. So, Abby, tell those people in Texas to go for it! -- BONNIE ARVONITIS, VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a child born to my mother when she was 40. I lost her when she was 70. My parents filled each holiday with so much enthusiasm, all our friends wanted to share them with us. And they did. When I think of all the unwanted children born to younger parents, I know that when one chooses to have a family at 40, it's because children are WANTED. My father died at the age of 59. I was 21, and yes, I would like to have had him longer. But again, the years I had with him were treasured -- and 59 is very young, especially now that I am 59! -- BARBARA SHOOP, HOLLYWOOD, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: At age 44, my mother announced to her doctor that she might be pregnant with her seventh child. Without bothering to examine her, he informed her she was going through "the change." A few months later, Mother returned and said, "If I'm not pregnant, what is moving around in my stomach?" That was me!

When I was born, my mother was 45 and my father was 57. I was born healthy despite my mother's age, her lack of prenatal care in the first trimester, the fact that she contracted hepatitis during the pregnancy, and consequently had X-rays while I was in there.

Mama was viewed by neighbors as if she had done something immoral or disgusting. Wasn't it bad enough when she had my sister (her sixth) at 39?

Sure, there were times when I was embarrassed by my white-haired parents, especially as a teen-ager. But what teen-agers aren't embarrassed by their parents at some time or another, regardless of age?

Mama is now 75. I am 30 with a family of my own. We are very close. Mama has some health problems, but she's active and independent. I will never regret that she gave me life. My advice to "To Be or Not to Be?" BE! -- MAMA'S BABY IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: My mother was 38 when I was born. She was 44 when I started grade school, and 56 when I graduated from high school. Her age was never an issue or a source of embarrassment. Ours was the house all the kids came to after school, the house that hosted the slumber parties, bake sales -- you name it. Ours was the house where everyone felt comfortable.

Mother was my best friend. We traveled together, talked on the phone almost every day, shopped together, laughed together and cried together. She died in 1995, at the age of 81. I miss her every day.

Advanced age doesn't preclude one's being a good parent. It depends on the individual. Although I lost my mother sooner than I would have wished, I never forget how lucky I was to have her. -- MARY-LOVE BIGONY, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR MARY-LOVE AND DEAR READERS: To sum it up, in the words of Julie Petrus, of Pflugerville, Texas: "The question is not whether you're too old to have children -- it's what kind of parent are you going to be when you do have children?"

Thank you for the outpouring of heartfelt letters on this subject. I regret that space limitations prevent my printing more of them.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)