DEAR ABBY: I was disappointed in your response to "Grandma in Saratoga Springs" regarding her grandson's belief in Santa Claus. I don't disagree that the truth should be told, Abby, but HOW the truth is presented can make all the difference in the world in the eyes and heart of a child. The truth about Santa was shared with me in such a wonderful way, there were no bad feelings -- only a lifetime of inspiration.

When I asked if there really was a Santa Claus, my mother responded, "Santa isn't a real person who lives at the North Pole, but the Santa we see on TV, in stores and at parties is a reminder of the Santa 'spirit,' which spreads joy and happiness. Daddy is Santa Claus, and Mom is Santa Claus, and Grandma and Grandpa are Santa Claus. They buy you gifts and do nice things for you because they love you and want to make you happy. Now that you're old enough, you, too, can be Santa Claus."

I was, and am, Santa Claus. At first, part of being Santa was keeping the illusion of Santa alive for the younger children. I got to stay up late, and it was my job to wrap the stocking stuffers and stuff the stockings. It meant drinking the milk and eating the cookies left for Santa. Trying to make the carrots left for the reindeer appear "reindeer-nibbled" was more difficult, and not as desirable.

As I have grown older, the Santa spirit has grown and spread. In college, my dorm mates and I played "Secret Santas," delivering goodies and little gifts to each other during finals week. Later in life, I'd drop off a batch of Christmas cookies to the nearest fire or police station as I made my way to my parents' house on Christmas Eve. You can be Santa Claus while shopping -- whistle Christmas carols, wear sleigh bells that jingle while you walk, smile at those you pass -- be kind and patient with store clerks.

I love being Santa Claus because there is so much joy in giving. It's better than any present you can receive. I hope that my Santa spirit will be with me throughout the year, and that others will find the same joy that comes from being Santa Claus. -- A JOLLY ELF IN ASHTABULA, OHIO

DEAR JOLLY ELF: I'm certain that your Santa spirit will be with you throughout the year, and many readers will be inspired by your spirit of giving. Thank you for an upper of a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I have aunts, uncles and cousins I never see because we have nothing in common. I also have two siblings who detest me, and the feelings are mutual.

I have built my own "family" over the years, and I'm much closer to them than to my blood relatives, excluding my parents, with whom I am very close.

My problem is that it seems like the world expects -- and insists -- that you be close. Comments like, "But he's your BROTHER!" make my blood boil. Why do they insist that I like people I wouldn't bother with if I met them on the street or at a cocktail party?

I'd much rather give my love and compassion to people I care about than be a hypocrite just because of an accident of birth. Is it such a sin not to like a family member? Abby, please respond, as I respect your opinion. -- BEEKMAN PLACE

DEAR BEEKMAN PLACE: It is not a "sin" to dislike a family member. However, it is interesting that you have cut yourself off not only from two siblings, but also from aunts, uncles and cousins, and I cannot help but wonder why you are avoiding the majority of your family.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Have a merry Christmas, but also keep in mind: If you're drinking, do not drive; if you're driving, please do not drink.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is good advice any time of the year, but especially now that the weather is cold. Please tell your readers to locate the main water shut-off valve in the house and make sure it's in good working order now, before they have an internal water leak.

I work as a dispatcher, and you would be surprised at the number of people who call and don't know where the water meter and shut-off valves are located. They become frantic when a pipe breaks and causes damage, and demand that a water company representative respond immediately to turn off the water.

Most water companies are not responsible for internal leaks, but that's hard to explain to a panicked customer.

While they are at it, they should also locate and inspect the shut-offs for sinks, toilets, washing machines, etc. -- WATER COMPANY DISPATCHER

DEAR DISPATCHER: Good advice. People should also make sure the wrench they may need is handy and that they know how to use it.

DEAR ABBY: I'll get straight to the point. I lie too much. Sometimes I lie about little things, but other times I lie about big things.

Last week, I woke up and realized that my habit of lying was wrong, and one day I'll have to pay for it.

I've tried to stop, but over and over I catch myself doing it again. I want to talk to my mom about this, but when I get ready to ask her for help, I feel embarrassed and scared.

Abby, I desperately need your advice. -- NEEDS ADVICE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: You're right -- someday you will have to pay for your lies if you continue.

When you find yourself lying, confess immediately that you stretched the truth or embroidered it -- then apologize. Most people will be forgiving when you immediately admit a wrong.

Not only will you feel better about yourself, you won't have to keep track of all the lies so you can cover for them.

Don't hesitate to ask your mother to assist you in breaking this habit. She loves you and wants the best for you, so go ahead and talk to her about it while you have the desire to quit.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away many years ago when our children were very young. I have remained close to his family and they are a big part of my children's lives.

I am planning to remarry and don't know if I should stop referring to them as my in-laws. We will always be close, but I don't want to hurt them or offend my new in-laws.

Abby, how should I refer to "old" in-laws? -- IN-LAW RICH IN NEW YORK STATE

DEAR IN-LAW RICH: Your in-laws are now your former in-laws, except in some cases in which the IRS states that they are in-laws 'til death do ye part. However, since you are on such friendly terms with them, continue to call them "Mom," "Dad," "sister-in-law," etc. In view of the emotional attachment, it's justified.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY JEWISH READERS: Happy Hanukkah!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old married mother-to-be. Lately, I have been increasingly frustrated with children calling adults by their first name. I am not talking about adults to whom the children are closely related; I am talking about neighbors, friends, parents, etc. I have recently been introduced to the children of several acquaintances and neighbors by my first name. I realize that I am not elderly, but I AM an adult.

I was always taught to respect my elders and to refer to them as "Mr.," "Mrs." or "Miss" unless invited to do otherwise. It is not the children's fault -- it is the adults who allow them to do this.

I plan on raising my children to follow this rule of thumb: If you're not sure what a person prefers to be called, ASK! Some adults don't mind young children calling them by their first names, but have we become so informal that everyone is now a Tom or a Nancy? How do I get around this without sounding like a stick-in-the-mud? -- OLD-FASHIONED IN READING, PA.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You are correct in your statement that your dilemma is caused by the thoughtlessness on the part of the parents, who should ask you, before the introductions are made, how you would like the children to address you.

Deal with this by making your wishes known in a friendly way. When a parent introduces you as "Nancy," say with a smile, "When Jimmy and Janie are 21, they may call me Nancy. But for now, I'd prefer to be called Mrs. Smith." And then direct a friendly comment (or question) to the child.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to warn parents how easily kids can get into things when you least expect it. My niece (I'll call her Karen) and her 1-year-old daughter, "Kimberly," were at home. Karen was in the kitchen and Kimberly was in the bedroom.

Karen became concerned because she couldn't hear what Kimberly was doing. When she checked on her, Karen found that the child had gotten hold of her purse and had the strap wrapped around her neck. Kimberly's lips were turning blue and she was very pale. Karen unwrapped the purse strap from around the child's neck and attended to her. Karen was terrified, but thankful that she had checked on Kimberly when she did.

It's amazing, Abby. My niece and her husband had baby-proofed the electrical outlets, kitchen and bathroom cabinets, and even put doorknob covers on doors they didn't want Kimberly to open. Now, after that frightening afternoon, Karen also makes sure she puts her purse, diaper bag or anything else with straps out of reach. -- AN AUNT IN DENVER WHO CARES

DEAR AUNT WHO CARES: Thank you for the warning. I'm sharing it with my readers, along with the reminder that drapery cords and those for venetian blinds can also be very dangerous for toddlers and small children, and should be kept out of reach of tiny hands.

DEAR ABBY: I need to know the proper thing to do with my wedding rings. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and are now divorcing. He is 85 and I am 73. This is his third marriage and my second. My first husband died after 38 years of marriage.

My husband purchased the rings for his first wife, gave the same ones to his second wife, and then to me. He has now asked me to return them. I really don't feel like giving them back, but I want to do the right thing. This is a mutual, friendly separation, and we are planning to visit each other after he moves out of state. Will you please tell me the proper way to handle this? -- ELOISE IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ELOISE: Since the rings were originally purchased for his first wife, be a lady and return them to your about-to-be-ex-husband. However, I wouldn't blame you if, as a condition, you request that he replace them with a lovely cocktail ring.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)