DEAR ABBY: I work in a hospital emergency department in a suburb of Cleveland. Because your column is printed in newspapers across the country and beyond, I thought it would be the best way to get an important message out to the public.

Many patients come to the ER because they're in pain, confused, unresponsive, or have been subject to serious injury. Sometimes patients come to the ER because of what they feel is a minor problem. Then, after testing and examination, we find a more complicated problem that requires hospitalization. Many times finding the cause of the patient's situation can be difficult because of inadequate information.

The three most common areas of misinformation are medications and dosages the patient takes, medication allergies and past medical history. Occasionally no identification can cause a problem. Taking medications like Coumadin, Lanoxin, Dilantin, Depakote, digoxin, theophylline, phenobarbital and others requires blood samples to check the amount of the drug in the bloodstream. These medications, among others, can be responsible for anything from severe bleeding to seizures, severe lethargy, weakness, fatigue, abnormal heart rhythm and blurred vision. Unfortunately, these can also be symptoms of problems like gastrointestinal bleeding, epilepsy, meningitis, strokes and lethal arrythmias.

Patients will say, "You have my records here." However, hospital records are not a reliable source of the patient's current medications, because the medications and/or dosages often change.

The bottom line is: Know your past medical history (i.e., appendix removed, heart attack, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). Know what medicines you are allergic to. Know what medications you take and the dosages. Think of it as "H.A.M.D." -- History, Allergies, Medications, Dosages. And last, but not least, write your name, medical history, drug allergies, medications and dosages on two pieces of paper. Put one in your wallet or purse, and one on your refrigerator, kitchen counter or bathroom medicine cabinet. This way, you will have them with you -- or someplace a paramedic can find them -- in the worst situation. It's for your benefit. -- RICK GEISHEIMER, R.N., MENTOR, OHIO

DEAR RICK: Thank you for the potentially lifesaving reminder. For most of us, making such a list will take only a few minutes. Readers, do it now -- don't procrastinate!

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married next year. We are planning an elegant evening reception. Her fiance insists that we invite his divorced sister's four young children to the reception. The children are extremely active, with short attention spans. We do not want children running around and annoying our guests. His mother and sister have put pressure on him, and he is in the middle.

My husband and I are paying for the wedding and feel very strongly about this. We are not inviting any children from our families. These people do not seem to fully comprehend the type of affair we are planning and that children do not belong everywhere. I think it's very rude and in poor taste to press this issue. How should we handle this? -- MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MOM: You are the host and hostess, and you control the guest list. Be firm in relaying the message, that the reception is for ADULTS ONLY.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law, "Bert," and his wife of 10 years, "Mary," will be coming to town for a family reunion. My husband wants to invite them to stay with us. I'm reluctant to extend the invitation for a number of reasons. After the birth of our last child, we no longer have a spare room. The other reasons are emotional.

When Bert and Mary moved across country nine years ago, they would return every year for a 10- to 14-day visit. They always stayed in our guest room. Their last visit was three years ago, while I was pregnant with our youngest.

Mary actually told me she thought I was too old to be having another child. During their visits, I had to endure much criticism of my child-rearing skills from Mary, who is childless. They'd invite their friends and family to our home for dinners and barbecues that my husband and I had to provide. When our baby arrived, there was no acknowledgment from them. My husband didn't even get a phone call from them acknowledging his 40th birthday. I send them cards for every holiday and flowers at Christmas. I also send them pictures of the kids, which they never mention when we call.

Bert is always mentioning all his stocks and bonds, so I know they can afford a motel room. However, my husband thinks the "right" thing to do would be to invite them to stay in our home. I would much prefer inviting them for dinners and spending some time with them, and avoiding the stress of their staying with us. What do you think, Abby? -- FRUSTRATED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. Mary appears to be one of those people who leave discord in their wake. However, since your husband would feel guilty if an invitation isn't extended to his father and Mary, invite them. In view of the fact that you no longer have a guest room to accommodate them, offer them a choice that includes reservations for them at a motel that's not too far away.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to confirm your advice to "Confused," who lost her boyfriend in a motorcycle accident and is wondering if it's too soon for her to get involved with another man.

I lost my husband of six years the same way. I can tell her from experience that six months is too soon to become involved. Grieving people are very vulnerable. The first advice grief counselors give is, "Make no serious life decisions for at least one year after the death of a loved one."

Some very poor decisions can result if they are made while grieving. I married my second husband two years after my first husband died because of an overwhelming need to feel connected. I divorced him two years later.

My advice to "Confused" is: Involve yourself with a group of people so you don't become emotionally dependent on one person. Although loneliness can become overwhelming and the need to reach out is very powerful, give yourself some time. You will be doing yourself -- and the young man -- a favor. -- A WISER WIDOW NOW

DEAR WIDOW: Thank you for writing. I hope "Confused" sees your letter. Your hard-won wisdom could spare a younger woman unnecessary pain.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Exasperated in Massachusetts" could have been a little more plainspoken. She's the woman who said she and her husband were being driven crazy by the demands of her parents and in-laws, who wanted to spend more time with them than they have to give. In my opinion, she should tell them to "get a life."

Abby, my husband and I are both in our 70s. We raised six children and we're loving our retirement. We are both active in our church, do volunteer work and frequently socialize with our many wonderful friends. We can't find enough hours in the day. When we can find time, we visit with our children and 12 grandchildren, and we treasure those moments.

There are so many classes seniors can take -- I recently completed French and genealogy. Literacy teachers are needed everywhere (I did that, too), and volunteer opportunities abound. My husband volunteers two days a week at one of our local hospitals. We also love to travel, but right now, we're too busy.

"Exasperated" should encourage her parents and in-laws to get involved in life, and she might occasionally ask them to "baby-sit" for a weekend so she and her husband can get away alone. There are a million things for them to do instead of depending on their adult children to entertain them. -- BLESSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BLESSED: I couldn't agree more. You're obviously enjoying a retirement that's exciting, fulfilling and fun. Read on for more of the feedback that's come in about "Exasperated":

DEAR ABBY: You should have told "Exasperated in Massachusetts" to keep track of all the complaints her parents and in-laws are hurling at her now. That way, she'll know what to say when her kids and grandkids ignore her in another 25 years. If she thinks about it from that point of view, I'll wager she'll come up with all kinds of ways she could make time for her parents and in-laws.

What she's doing now is teaching her children ways to ignore family members -- and I predict it'll come back to haunt her. -- GLAD I'M NOT HER MOM, YORK, PA.

DEAR ABBY: I used to have the same problem as "Exasperated in Massachusetts." My 75-year-old retired father couldn't seem to understand why I couldn't drop everything at the last minute to go to a movie, go to dinner, etc. I really did want to spend time with him. I just couldn't seem to fit it in.

Then I did a "trade-out" with him. If he wanted to go to dinner, I'd ask him to pick up the dry cleaning, go to the bank for me and pick up the kids -- whatever it took to allow me time to go with him. Dinner at home -- no problem. He cooked his specialty, and we all helped clean up.

My father is older now and not well, but I'm glad we had those times together -- and I miss all those things he did so we could have time together. -- HAPPY TO HAVE HAD HELP, RENO, NEV.

DEAR HAPPY: Beautiful! Dad remained needed and useful, and you all benefited by enjoying memorable times together. Kudos to you for coming up with a compromise that made everyone happy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)