DEAR ABBY: Several months ago, I left "Bill," the man I had lived with for almost four years and with whom I have a daughter. I left him to move in with "John," someone I met on the Internet. It was a big mistake. John turned out to be a pathological liar who used me for my money. I was deeply hurt.

Abby, during our six months together, he was hired twice, but was fired from each job within two weeks. I bought him everything he had. He promised to repay me, but I haven't received one red cent from him. I am now filing for bankruptcy.

John told me he loved me and wanted us to marry and have a family. He talked me into going off the pill. I agreed because I loved him and wanted another child. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I realized that John had lied to me about everything, so I broke up with him.

Bill and I are back together now, and getting married soon. Since he will be raising the child, he wants his name on the birth certificate instead of John's. John is leaving the state and I don't think he will be back.

My question is: What last name should my child have? John feels that the baby should have his last name because he is the biological father. He threatened that if I didn't agree, he would get a court order. Can he do that since we were never married?

Abby, should I put Bill's name, John's name or "father unknown" on the birth certificate? -- UNDECIDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNDECIDED: I see no reason why you should put Bill's name on the birth certificate since he is not the child's biological father. However, since what you put on the birth certificate could have unforeseen consequences in the future, I urge you not to make this decision without consulting a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column most of my life, and more often than not I agree with your advice. However, when I read your response to "Wondering in Minnesota" about whether or not Protestants should kneel when participating in a Catholic celebration, I totally disagreed. You assert that it is not necessary for a Protestant to kneel when Catholics do.

Abby, I recently visited the Holy Land, and had the opportunity to enter many houses of worship and other holy places. Men (Jewish, Christian, Moslem) are required to cover their heads with a yarmulke when entering the confines of the Western/Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, so I did likewise. At the entrance to the mosque Al-Aksa, Jerusalem's Dome of the Rock, all are required to remove their shoes, so I removed my shoes.

Did I wear a yarmulke or remove my shoes because I believed in, agreed with or understood the religious reasons for these practices? No. I observed these traditions to show my respect while in the spiritual homes of my Jewish or Moslem brothers and sisters.

Not kneeling in Catholic services could be seen as a lack of respect to our specific approach to the universal God and the religious traditions of our people. Although most Catholics would never put someone out of a church for not kneeling, failure to kneel may send the wrong message.

Remember, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." -- FATHER R. TONY RICARD, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR FATHER RICARD: Thank you for writing and stating your viewpoint. However, the compromise offered by the Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles is to offer the option of kneeling, not kneeling, or merely sitting quietly. In other words, it's up to the individual.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is a response to your answer to Carol Rushing of Omaha, in which you said there should be a law restricting the use of cell phones while driving.

Your knee-jerk reaction harms all of our freedoms. Perhaps you will next suggest we pass laws that state:

-- No tuning the radio while driving.

-- No looking at your passenger during conversation while driving.

-- No adjusting the temperature while driving.

-- No driving without eight hours of sleep.

I could go on and on. We'll always have tragic accidents no matter how many laws you try to pass. This potential loss of freedom is much more tragic.

The marketplace can address these issues without requiring more laws. For example, the radio and heat controls could be located on the steering wheel for ease of use while driving. And there's no reason the cell phone can't be integrated into the car to allow hands-free use. Remember the CB radio? Truck drivers have used them for more than 20 years while driving. You just have to give people the time to adjust to new technology, not attach restrictive laws with each new development. -- TOM LYNCH, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR TOM: As someone who has seen drivers holding cell phones in one hand and gesturing with the other while driving, I must disagree. A study in 1997 by the University of Toronto researchers Donald Redelmeier and Robert Tibshirani concluded that drivers talking on cell phones are four times as likely to have an accident as those who do not use cell phones while behind the wheel. The communications director of the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety was recently quoted as saying, "There's no question they (cell phones) contribute to crashes." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your suggestion of a law requiring people to pull over to use car phones is a good one. I have read that statistically, talking on the phone while driving is as dangerous as drunk driving. Why isn't this publicized more? My husband commutes, and amost daily must act fast to dodge drivers who are talking on their cell phones while zooming along at 85 mph and darting in and out of freeway traffic. I think phoning and driving should be as illegal as drinking and driving.

How about a campaign, Abby, with slogans and posters: "It was the last call he ever made," or, "There are no phones in coffins," or a picture of a mom in a hospital bed, with the words: "She can't come to the phone right now -- she's in a coma." It could save as many lives as Mothers Against Drunk Driving. -- MARY SUE PLANCK, SAN FRANCISCO (CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT DON'T DO IT FROM YOUR CAR)

DEAR MARY SUE: Thank you for a letter that's sure to be thought-provoking for many people with cell phones. If it makes just one person pull over and stop before making a call, it will have been worth the space in my column.

P.S. Has anybody ever told you that you have a flair for advertising? The ad campaign you've conceived could be a blockbuster.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old married woman who has a lot of free time on my hands while my husband works. The weekends are the worst.

Abby, my problem is that I shop to fill my time. This is very expensive, and I think I'm becoming addicted to shopping. How can I control my shopping binges?

Is there such a thing as a shopaholic? -- MALL-HAPPY IN FLORIDA

DEAR MALL-HAPPY: Yes, there is. And people who binge-shop to suppress feelings of boredom or sadness frequently wind up with significant credit problems.

Volunteer work is a far more fulfilling way to utilize your free time than shopping. One way to control the binges is to concentrate on giving to others instead of to yourself. More volunteer opportunities exist than I can name in one column, but a few that come to mind are: nursing homes, hospitals, Meals on Wheels, schools, libraries, mentoring, charities and political campaigns. Not only will they provide fulfillment, you'll also meet new people and make friends.

Another constructive way to fill your time would be to join a special-interest club or take classes at a local college.

If none of these are effective, ask your doctor to refer you to a specialist who can help you understand the underlying causes of compulsive behavior, because there is help for it. There is even a 12-step support group, based on the principles of AA, called Debtors Anonymous, which offers mutual help in recovering from compulsive spending. Founded in 1976, it is international, with more than 400 chapters. To contact it, write: Debtors Anonymous, P.O. Box 400, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10163-0400.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column about the importance of parents singing to their children prompts my letter. It reminded me so much of my little girl who loved to sing, but could never carry a tune in a bucket. She is now the mother of three boys, and she's still singing.

Each night she would listen to their prayers and then she would always sing a lullaby to them. One night, I heard her 6-year-old say, "Mommy, you have the most beautiful voice in the world." Now doesn't that melt your heart?

Again, I quote the verse from your column:

"Richer than I you will never be

"For I had a mother who SANG to me."

One of my special memories is of my father rocking me and singing to me at bedtime in front of our kitchen stove, as I watched the colored gas flames dance in the oven. And that was almost 70 years ago!

Please do not sign my name. We never told our daughter that she couldn't carry a tune. I don't want to spoil her happiness at this stage of her life. -- SENTIMENTAL IN THE EASTERN U.S.A.

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Thank you for sharing your special memories. Each one brought a smile -- and I know they will touch many hearts today. I can think of no more beautiful and reassuring sound to a child than that of a mother's lullaby.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)