DEAR ABBY: I learned something in the '70s that I would like to pass on to your readers. Your column is the best way I know to reach the most people.

I was watching a college football game on television. The sportscasters were Keith Jackson and Frank Broyles. A player was lying on the field with what appeared to the sportscasters to be a leg cramp. Frank Broyles commented that they should pinch his upper lip just under his nose to stop the cramp. Keith Jackson, and probably millions of other viewers like me, laughed at the idea.

However, the next time I got a leg cramp in the middle of the night, I pinched my upper lip. Sure enough, I quickly felt relief! This method has saved me many moments of excruciating pain.

I don't know if it will help everyone, but it wouldn't hurt to try it. Abby, every time I have a leg cramp, I thank Frank Broyles for his simple, quick remedy. -- DON SHNELL, HOBART, OKLA.

DEAR DON: Thank you for sharing this acupressure technique. However, if leg cramps persist, it would be a good idea to consult your family doctor to be sure they aren't symptoms of a potentially serious medical problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old mother, married for 25 years, with three wonderful children. My 20-year-old son recently moved out of state to become a law enforcement officer.

Abby, I'm not handling the loss very well. There are thousands of books on raising children, but very few on letting go. I asked at my local bookstore for a book on "the empty-nest syndrome," but the clerk couldn't help me -- and told me to enjoy my free time and, in effect, get over it. I was at a loss as to what to say to her, so I smiled, left the store, and then broke down and cried.

I understand this is a great opportunity for my son, and I wish him all the success in the world, but the fact remains, I must adjust to his absence.

How do I express this to others who think it's silly to grieve for a child who has moved? -- EMPTY IN ARIZONA

DEAR EMPTY: Empty-nest syndrome is a very real set of emotions. When children start to leave home -- even for positive reasons -- the family unit is changed forever. Traditions are altered, and even the sight of an empty bedroom can trigger depression. Add to that the knowledge that your son is entering law enforcement -- a dangerous profession -- and it's no wonder your outlook is affected.

One way to lose the blues is to remind yourself that your son's departure is a symbol of your success as a parent. It is also an opportunity for growth for both of you. Write your son often and tell him all the hometown and family news. Send him "I care" packages. Learn about his new life, and continue familiar activities with the children who remain at home. Stay busy and try to be positive; don't give yourself time to brood.

And finally, don't allow anyone to make you feel you must apologize for your feelings. They are normal and part of life.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because many people from all walks of life read your column, it's the best way to make parents aware of something they may unintentionally be doing to their children. Let me explain:

Recently I was standing in a store when I saw a young boy, who appeared to be about 10 years old, with his mother and a young girl. The mother said something to the boy, and he failed to respond correctly. Then she yelled at him, "Are you stupid or dumb or both?" It was evident that the child was embarrassed.

Abby, I know exactly how he felt. When I was young, my mother never missed a chance to tell me how dumb, stupid or unattractive I was. Although she told me often how much she loved me, she undermined my self-esteem with her cruel remarks. I know she doesn't recall making such remarks, but here I am 50 years old and those words are still ringing in my ears. To this day, I am reluctant to attempt anything new or different for fear I will look stupid.

I have been to a fine counselor who has helped me deal with this, and I have a wonderful family of my own now who encourage me and assure me I can succeed at anything I want.

I do not wish ill upon my mother, but I feel very little for her and have no desire to share my life with her.

My point is: Parents should stop and think before saying things to their children that can traumatize them for life. The words may not cause physical harm, but they hurt nevertheless. -- STILL HURTING IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR STILL HURTING: You said a mouthful. I recall a little verse from childhood: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Nothing could be further from the truth. Thank you for your sound advice to parents.

DEAR READERS: I'm a longtime fan of Forbes. In the November issue, the magazine features a collection of "Golden Oldies" listing a number of people who had become successful in the autumn of their lives:

"Ray Kroc started the franchising of McDonald's restaurants when he was 52.

"Col. Harlan Sanders started his franchising business, Kentucky Fried Chicken, at 62.

"Frank Lloyd Wright designed Fallingwater (the Edgar Kaufmann house in Bear Run, Pa.) at 69, and the Guggenheim Museum at 76.

"Coco Chanel designed her famous woman's suit after coming back from retirement at age 71.

"Grandma Moses begain painting at 78.

"Emily Post's 'Etiquette' was published when she was 50.

"John Huston directed James Joyce's 'The Dead' at 80.

"Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin started producing his lighter-than-air crafts at 62.

"And last but not least, let us not forget John Glenn -- officer, astronaut, senator -- who literally went out of this world into space at age 77."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for nearly five years. His mother is terminally ill. She needs 24-hour care, seven days a week.

We agreed to move her into our home. I wasn't working at the time. She has been with us since the beginning of the year.

I have decided to get a part-time job, five hours a day, five days a week. I have asked my fiance's sisters to care for their mother while I work. His sisters are in an uproar about it. One of them told me, "If you can't live on the money he's making, then there's something wrong."

Abby, it's not that. I want to be able to buy things without asking him for money all the time. His sisters are able to care for their mother. To top it off, my fiance agrees with his sisters. What would you suggest? -- DISGUSTED WITH MY FUTURE IN-LAWS

DEAR DISGUSTED: Please do not feel you must justify needing some relief from the burden you have so generously shouldered for almost a year: the role of primary caregiver. You have already done more than your share, so don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty.

If your fiance's mother is terminal -- defined as having a life expectancy of six months or less -- you may be able to obtain respite care for her from Hospice. Hospice is a service provided by about 2,000 affiliated Medicare-licensed agencies dedicated to the care of dying people and their families. Hospice doctors, nurses, counselors, aides and volunteers work to ensure that patients live comfortably at home until their death. Professional and skilled caregivers attend to the physical, psychological and spiritual needs of both the patient and the family. For more information about this service, write: The National Hospice Organization, 1901 N. Moore St., Suite 901, Arlington, Va. 22209.

A final thought: You owe no one an explanation for wanting some degree of financial independence, regardless of what your fiance's sisters say. There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip -- and a five-year engagement is no guarantee that there will be a wedding.

DEAR ABBY: If you have more room for the subject of male menopause, may I contribute my 2 cents' worth?

I was married for 20 years to a man who, although kind and generous in most respects, suffered from this syndrome for at least 60 of his recently concluded 87 years.

At 16, he married an older woman, and married the fourth one at almost 70 years of age. Three of these ladies are still living, as his wives were progressively younger. He was single only a matter of days between wives, and cheated on all of them. So, I contend that the age span for male menopause be extended from puberty until death.

At the same time, strange as it may seem, he was very generous to them all and never even slightly abusive. Interestingly, none of them put up a fight against his behavior.

Of the symptoms you list (courtesy of Dr. Blackman), only one really applied to my former husband -- reduced libido. He seemed to need the challenge of the chase to keep functioning. -- WHAM BAM, THANK YOU MA'AM, BILLINGS, MONT.

DEAR WHAM BAM: That's an astute observation. And when the thrill of the chase provides more satisfaction than the ultimate prize, it's time to reorganize one's priorities.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.