Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with two daughters, 17 and 13. I've been divorced for eight months, but the marriage was dead 10 years ago. Most of that time, I have slept on the couch. Although my daughters never saw me hold hands, kiss, or show any kind of affection toward their father, I'm not sure they realized how unhappy our marriage was, and they were upset when we divorced.

I met "Andy" while separated but still legally married. We have fallen in love and want to marry in about six months. However, my daughters are not crazy about him and think I should date others.

Andy and I have been looking at engagement rings. I'm worried that if I just show up with a ring on my finger, my daughters will be upset. They don't like it when they see Andy and me being affectionate with each other, and I'm not sure they know how serious we are. When should I tell them? I've been somewhat of a pushover in the past, but I won't budge on this. Andy and I love each other and we will be married. -- FUTURE FIANCEE

DEAR FUTURE FIANCEE: Forewarn your daughters and explain, without blaming or belittling their father, that you are seizing this opportunity for a happy future. If they're not forthcoming, make it clear that just as you treat their friends with respect, you expect the same from them with regard to your future husband. Reassure them that your love for them won't change, and ask for their blessings.

DEAR ABBY: I have begun a weight-loss program after having been seriously overweight for many years. This time I seem to be on the right track because it's working.

When I go to a dinner party, is it OK to take a cooked chicken breast with me and give it to my hostess to serve to me? It would not be putting her out, as I would have already cooked it. I cannot eat ham, roasts or steaks, but I don't want to miss being with my friends.

Please answer ASAP because the holidays are upon us. -- MOTIVATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTIVATED: I admire your determination in negotiating the holiday minefields. You certainly may take your specially prepared food with you, but warn your hostess when you accept the invitation, so she won't be offended. Most guests will respect and admire your efforts to lose weight. And nuts to those who would criticize you!

DEAR ABBY: I went into shock when I read the letter from "Stressed Daughter in Florida." She perfectly described my mother, who insisted on living with me rather than in the apartment next door.

My mother had money and was in excellent health, but couldn't keep a friend. She would eat only certain foods. My life was hell if I went out with friends and didn't include her. Her lies to my friends caused a lot of heartache.

Please tell "Stressed Daughter" to say "NO" and not back down. I've been there and know how it feels. My mother died five months ago after four years with me. I am still recuperating mentally, physically and spiritually. I would not say "yes" again. Thank God, I'm free at last. Hell is gone, heaven has returned. Sign me ... NEVER AGAIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEVER AGAIN: I advised "Stressed Daughter" to stand her ground and not back down. If she had any doubts before, seeing your story should convince her.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Because of your column, lives have been saved, and many parents can hear the happy laughter of a child with a future. Because of a letter you printed more than a year ago, many families have stored their newborn's umbilical cord blood for potential use in the treatment of more than 30 different diseases. Cord-blood banking is biological life insurance.

Many expecting parents learned about the use of umbilical cord-blood stem cells only through your column, and took the article to their OB or oncologists and asked for more information. Many umbilical cord-blood transplants have been performed for victims of cancer, and many of these children are alive today.

For the thousands of families who may have missed your original column or didn't need it at the time, would you please rerun it? -- KAY AND JACK MULLINS, APPLETON, WIS.

DEAR KAY AND JACK: Here it is, with pleasure:

DEAR ABBY: I am an educator with the Cord Blood Registry, responding to the letter in your column about donors needed for the bone marrow registry. I would like to tell you and your readers about an amazing opportunity to assist tens of thousands of people in need of stem cells that used to be available only through bone marrow transplants.

Diseases like Hodgkin's lymphoma, sickle cell anemia and leukemia can now be treated with stem cells from umbilical cord blood.

The process of collecting it is painless; however, it must be collected immediately after birth. Umbilical cords are often just discarded. It's a tragedy that expectant parents are rarely made aware of the importance of their child's umbilical cord blood. It can be banked privately for their families or donated to the International Cord Blood Foundation.

Abby, please urge families to contact the Cord Blood Registry at (888) 267-3256 (toll-free) or www.cordblood.com to learn more about banking their cord blood. -- KATIE HEFFELFINGER, CORD BLOOD EDUCATOR, BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR MS. HEFFELFINGER: I'm pleased to alert readers to this relatively new therapy, which became available in the late 1980s.

I was fascinated to learn that "cord blood" is the blood that remains in the umbilical cord and placenta after a baby is born. Like bone marrow, it has been found to be a rich source of stem cells, the building blocks of the blood and immune system. Cord blood may provide treatment advantages over bone marrow, especially when it comes from an immediate family member.

If the umbilical cord blood of all deliveries were stored, successful matches could be found without the time-consuming search for a bone marrow donor.

There is no cost for public donation of umbilical cord blood, but the application and testing process must be started at least two months before the delivery. Parents wishing to store their newborn's cord blood for their own potential use can do so for a fee. However, anyone with a family member who already has a condition for which stem cells may be a treatment option can store cord blood at no cost through the Cord Blood Registry's Designated Transplant Program.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I learned something in the '70s that I would like to pass on to your readers. Your column is the best way I know to reach the most people.

I was watching a college football game on television. The sportscasters were Keith Jackson and Frank Broyles. A player was lying on the field with what appeared to the sportscasters to be a leg cramp. Frank Broyles commented that they should pinch his upper lip just under his nose to stop the cramp. Keith Jackson, and probably millions of other viewers like me, laughed at the idea.

However, the next time I got a leg cramp in the middle of the night, I pinched my upper lip. Sure enough, I quickly felt relief! This method has saved me many moments of excruciating pain.

I don't know if it will help everyone, but it wouldn't hurt to try it. Abby, every time I have a leg cramp, I thank Frank Broyles for his simple, quick remedy. -- DON SHNELL, HOBART, OKLA.

DEAR DON: Thank you for sharing this acupressure technique. However, if leg cramps persist, it would be a good idea to consult your family doctor to be sure they aren't symptoms of a potentially serious medical problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old mother, married for 25 years, with three wonderful children. My 20-year-old son recently moved out of state to become a law enforcement officer.

Abby, I'm not handling the loss very well. There are thousands of books on raising children, but very few on letting go. I asked at my local bookstore for a book on "the empty-nest syndrome," but the clerk couldn't help me -- and told me to enjoy my free time and, in effect, get over it. I was at a loss as to what to say to her, so I smiled, left the store, and then broke down and cried.

I understand this is a great opportunity for my son, and I wish him all the success in the world, but the fact remains, I must adjust to his absence.

How do I express this to others who think it's silly to grieve for a child who has moved? -- EMPTY IN ARIZONA

DEAR EMPTY: Empty-nest syndrome is a very real set of emotions. When children start to leave home -- even for positive reasons -- the family unit is changed forever. Traditions are altered, and even the sight of an empty bedroom can trigger depression. Add to that the knowledge that your son is entering law enforcement -- a dangerous profession -- and it's no wonder your outlook is affected.

One way to lose the blues is to remind yourself that your son's departure is a symbol of your success as a parent. It is also an opportunity for growth for both of you. Write your son often and tell him all the hometown and family news. Send him "I care" packages. Learn about his new life, and continue familiar activities with the children who remain at home. Stay busy and try to be positive; don't give yourself time to brood.

And finally, don't allow anyone to make you feel you must apologize for your feelings. They are normal and part of life.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)