DEAR ABBY: I am a 51-year-old man, married to a woman who has been down the aisle three times. I love her very much, and I know she loves me. However, she has a habit that's beginning to bother me a great deal. She never misses an opportunity to bash men!

Whenever she hears -- or reads about -- a man who has gotten himself in trouble with alcohol, gambling or womanizing, she remarks, "Typical male," then does 10 minutes about how all men are pigs. The other day, a neighbor came over to show us her new puppy. I went to pet the puppy and this neighbor said, "Be careful, I don't think she likes men!" Then my wife said, "Smart dog!"

She hates her daughters' husbands and boyfriends, and she cannot stand any of my male friends. She seems happiest when she's commiserating with other women about how they've been wronged or hurt by the men in their lives.

Unlike her two previous husbands, I am a faithful and loving life-partner who is not a wife beater, philanderer or liar. I've asked her to please stop spewing her venom while I'm in the room, but now she thinks it's funny when I react. It's obvious that if she thinks all men are pigs, she shouldn't have married another one. How can I make her understand that her constant male-bashing is harming our relationship? -- TIRED OF HEARING IT IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR TIRED: I'm surprised you didn't notice this about her before you were married, because her anger at men appears to be long-standing and deep-seated. Many a hurtful remark is said in "jest." The next time she does it, tell her plainly how much it hurts when she talks that way.

Counseling may help her understand her negative perspective. Suggest it, and offer to go with her. If she refuses, go alone. At least it will give you some insight into her behavior and some techniques that may help you deal with her negativity.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter in your column from Mr. Beard of Sacramento, I'm compelled to write in support of his assertion that we CAN all get along. While far from home, Mr. Beard, a black man, was loaned a hearing aid by a white audiologist named Mr. Potter.

When I was a child growing up in the South, my father ran a medical clinic. He worked long hours serving the health needs of a small community. He performed and assisted with many surgeries on black and white people, Jews and Gentiles. He used to tell me, "All people are pretty much the same color on the inside, and THAT'S where you need to look." It was excellent advice.

Mr. Potter, the audiologist, must be one of those who "sees" what is important in all of us, and trusts that which he cannot see.

I agree with Mr. Beard. We can all get along if we look for those things we have in common, and respect what makes us different. -- KAREN LAWRENCE, NAPA, CALIF.

DEAR KAREN: I think you put it very well. It is important to the future of our country that when we look our neighbors in the face, we dwell not on their color, but their humanity, and judge them not by their appearance, but by their character.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: This concerns the letter from "No New Name in Oregon," the teen-ager whose mother suddenly decided to have the child's last name changed to her maiden name. You missed the boat on that one, Abby.

I'm a former lawyer who has dealt with many parents in divorce situations. When the desire to change a child's last name comes from the divorced parent rather than the child, the desire is usually a disguised policy or emotional statement from the parent.

The teen-ager told you she had recently gotten to know her dad's side of the family. Shortly afterward, the mother announced that the child should have her (the mother's) name for "convenience, clarity, a sense of unity." Since the teen didn't mention any instances of recent inconvenience or confusion because of the different names, my reaction was that the mother very likely felt threatened, and wanted to send a message to the world that "she's mine" -- and to the ex, "You can't have her!"

Parents should work out their emotions related to divorce in counseling, not in the divorce courts or by using their children.

"No New Name in Oregon" should know that her name is HERS. She should be allowed to lovingly tell her mother, "I love you very much, and will always be yours regardless of my name. However, I am used to my name and don't want to change it at this late date."

Abby, I felt that the girl was asking you for help in standing firm against her mother, and reassurance that it was OK to be herself, to keep a name that was meaningful to her, regardless of her mother's needs. I wish you had affirmed that her name, now and always, is a matter of HER choice and desires, and NOT a matter on which she should be pressured by others. In fact, the "others" -- including her mother -- should respect her daughter's needs, feelings and decisions.

Although it's not proper or desirable for a minor to urge her mother into counseling, you, Abby, are in a position to urge adults everywhere to examine their motives, and suggest that, if their behavior is influenced by the fallout from a divorce, counseling can be helpful no matter how long ago the divorce was finalized. -- SHELLEY BRENNEMAN CARTER, STANFORD, ILL.

DEAR SHELLEY: You analyzed the mother's motives more shrewdly than I did -- and if you're correct, they are deplorable. Of course, the girl has the right to retain her father's name if she wishes, since one's name goes to the core of one's identity.

I agree there appear to be some unresolved issues about the divorce that the mother hasn't dealt with, and that need resolution. That's more important than any name change.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please pass on this suggestion to help make losing one's wallet a bit more endurable:

The next time you are near a photocopy machine, lay the contents of your wallet (other than cash and photographs) on it, and make a copy of them.

Then, should your wallet be lost or stolen, you will have all the numbers handy to report the loss. -- CREDIT COUNSELOR IN NEW YORK

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A couple of weeks ago, my grandfather was having chest pains. He has a history of heart problems, and had been prescribed nitroglycerin pills for emergencies. Unfortunately, the pills had expired long ago. My grandfather knew it and took two to make up the difference. It didn't, so he took two more. Abby, my grandfather took six pills within a half-hour and was feeling progressively worse. He called my grandmother and asked her to call 911.

A few hours later, we learned that he had suffered a severe angina attack. It didn't damage his heart, but he could have avoided a hospital stay if the pills he had taken were still potent. Some people might think that the expiration date stamped on the bottle is a "guideline" or just a way for the pharmacy to make money. As my family learned, this assumption is wrong.

Please tell your readers the importance of checking the expiration dates on their medications, and that the pills are not good after the expiration date -- even if the bottle is unopened. -- ALLEN BOUCHARD, CUMBERLAND, R.I.

DEAR ALLEN: I'm passing the word along -- with a little advice from a pharmacist at the Mayo Clinic: Many medications are relatively stable, but it's probably a good idea to discard medications that have been in the patient's possession for more than a year. Nitroglycerin is an exception, however, because it can deteriorate even more rapidly. Because of this fact, pharmacists will dispense this medication in the original bottle from the manufacturer -- which has an airtight seal under the cover.

This is the reason it's not a good idea for patients to transfer nitroglycerin tablets to any other kind of pillbox or container. Once the seal on the bottle is broken, it's wise to get a new supply of the drug after three to six months and to discard the old bottle -- particularly if the medication has been exposed to heat and humidity. This is usually not a hardship for the patient, as nitroglycerin is a fairly inexpensive medication.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and in the eighth grade. Last year, a new guy moved to our school. When I first saw him, something clicked! I fell for him instantly. I mean, I knew I liked him before I even talked to him.

When he found out I was interested, he said he thought I was cute and he'd like to get to know me better. Then school was out.

Now, we're back in school, but the only time I get to see him is at lunch for about 30 minutes. He's always turning around and looking at me and smiling, but we haven't even talked to each other!

What should I do? Write him a letter? Talk to him? Wave? Please help! -- IN LOVE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR IN LOVE: Chances are that he feels the same way about you -- that's why he keeps turning around and looking at you. But don't put anything on paper. The next time he turns around and smiles at you, smile back. Say "Hi," and ask him what he thought of last Friday's football game, or some other school activity. Listen attentively. That will break the ice and perhaps get the ball rolling.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)