DEAR ABBY: It will be three years this Christmas that I gave myself the best Christmas gift anyone could give me. I quit smoking, cold turkey. It was Christmas Eve and I had two cigarettes left in the pack. When I finished the last one, I looked at the pack, crumpled it up in my hand, and thought to myself how much I disliked everything about cigarettes. When I threw the pack away, I decided then and there I wouldn't run to the store for more.

I can't explain what happened to me the next day (Christmas), but it was as though I had never smoked a cigarette in my life! I didn't go through any nicotine withdrawals or have the shakes, or even think about wanting a smoke -- and I still feel the same way today.

In the past, I had quit for 3 1/2 years, twice for two years, once for 18 months, for a total of nine years. They were horrible times. Any time I was in the presence of a person who was smoking, I wanted a cigarette. I suffered from withdrawal and the shakes. I now know that I will never smoke another cigarette.

Abby, I started when I was 13. I am now 52 and hope to live another 30 years. My parents were smokers, but they quit more than 30 years ago. Today, they are 79 and 83 years old. My mother lost three sisters to cancer (two of them were smokers). My father lost two brothers and two sisters, one of whom had emphysema, one had cancer, and two died of heart attacks. They were all heavy smokers.

I just want to say, Don't give up trying. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I've never felt better and am looking forward to the rest of my life. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN NEW YORK

DEAR BEEN THERE: Congratulations on kicking your addiction. You're right; it was the best Christmas gift you could have received. My readers confirm that although it's a jolt to the system, "cold turkey" is the most effective way to stop smoking. Perhaps your letter will inspire other smokers to quit smoking. I can't imagine a more meaningful gift to themselves and their families.

DEAR ABBY: I have been engaged almost 14 months. My fiance never mentions marriage. When I bring it up, he says the relationship isn't great enough to discuss marriage. The only time he wants me is when I tell him I'm going to move on with my life.

He told me that I care far too much for him, and if I want him to love me the way I want him to, I will have to start caring less for him. He is much older than I am.

Abby, I just don't feel the love is being returned. Before we got engaged, he cheated on me and lied about it. He claims she was "only a friend," but it happened more than once. He still keeps in contact with her. I now have a hard time trusting him when he goes anywhere.

He says I have to forget about the past and move on to the future. I don't believe people can move on with the future while the past still haunts them. What do you think? -- WANTS TO BE LOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS TO BE LOVED: From what you have described to me, I'm hesitant to call your arrangement an engagement. If your "fiance" is serious about marrying you, he certainly doesn't act like it. Listen to your intuition. It's pointing you in the right direction.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Have a merry Christmas, but also keep in mind: If you're drinking, do not drive; if you're driving, please do not drink.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are having a large and expensive celebration for their 40th anniversary. They are demanding that all five children kick in $250 toward the party. We live in another state and our tickets to attend are very expensive. Abby, we feel the cost of our tickets is enough expense without helping to pay for THEIR party. They invited us!

My father is 80 years old, and he and Mom will have a 50th anniversary soon. That is something to celebrate. I don't mind paying for it myself, and I won't ask anyone to help.

Which anniversaries should be celebrated with a big celebration? And must we help pay for their party? (No one offered to help us with the expense of our plane tickets.) -- JACKIE IN COLORADO SPRINGS

DEAR JACKIE: Forty years of marriage is something to celebrate, and a party is appropriate. Usually the couple hosts the party, but if the children wish, they can give the party. If the children planned this celebration, then they should each pay a share. However, if your in-laws planned the party, they are the hosts and the children should not be forced to finance it. It would be gracious to chip in if you can afford to, but if you cannot, let your in-laws know it would cause financial hardship. Perhaps they will excuse you.

P.S. The fifth, 10th, 20th, 25th, 40th, 50th and 60th are typically celebrated in style, but many couples also celebrate anniversaries in between with small parties with family or close friends.

DEAR ABBY: While my daughter and I were standing at the window, we saw that her 3-year-old had stopped his tricycle and leaned his chin on the handlebars. When we looked again, he was in the exact same position, which was unusual for him. Laughing, we went out to see what had captured his attention for so long.

His face was turning blue. The cord on the hood of his jacket had come unfastened, and when he leaned forward it had become entangled in the pedal. Each turn of the pedal had pulled him tighter against the handlebars until he could go no farther. Thank God, he was fine as soon as we cut him loose.

Children's coats should fasten with snaps or Velcro, and slacks should have no belts to remove. A baby can strangle on any string or cord -- even that ribbon used to hold its pacifier. -- NAOMI GLENN, A CONCERNED GRANDMA, HILLSBORO, OHIO

DEAR NAOMI: Your grandson's near-miss must have been terrifying for all concerned. Thank you for alerting other parents and grandparents to this potential danger. This valuable information may save some lives.

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate for a couple to announce their engagement at another couple's wedding?

My sister-in-law and her fiance did that at our wedding -- at the request of my mother-in-law. I'm very upset about it, and my husband says I'm being selfish and petty.

Abby, are they right, or am I? (Please don't use my name.) -- BRISTLED BRIDE

DEAR BRIDE: You are correct. What your sister-in-law did at her mother's behest was akin to the cute little child actor stealing the star's spotlight.

However, please be generous enough to forgive them, so this sore spot doesn't fester and eat away at family relationships. Harmony is more important than highlighting a breach of etiquette.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a female, 20 years old. I live in an apartment by myself, have a new car and heavy new car payments. I'm working two jobs in order to pay my bills. Work takes up so much of my time and energy that, quite frankly, I'm about ready to go crazy. Not only that, I don't have time to go to school, which is really terrible -- because I have career goals.

My boyfriend and I have dated almost three years. We were best friends for a year and a half before we started going out. He's a wonderful guy, and we've always gotten along great. He lives in a house with a roommate and things aren't going well there, so the idea of us living together came up. It's not like, "Oh, we need to take our relationship a step further." It's just that we'd both greatly benefit from it, and we get along great -- so why not? I know he'd be a good roommate.

My problem? If I didn't have financial problems, and could go back to school as things are now, I wouldn't live with him. I prefer living alone. I have thought this through, but there really are no other alternatives. There aren't any apartments that would cut my living expenses enough so I could quit my second job.

I'm afraid if we live together it would be for the wrong reasons. But if I don't, I won't be able to go back to school. Do you think it would be a mistake? If so, have you any suggestions? -- SCARED TO SHARE IN ARIZONA

DEAR SCARED: Yes. Do not move in with anyone unless you're 100 percent sure you want to live with that person. Sell the new car and drive something more economical, and put an ad in the paper for a female roommate to share expenses until you can live alone without causing yourself economic hardship. That way, you won't risk losing a boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore attending college in Houston. Every once in a while since I've been in school, I would receive an e-mail message from my grandmother with a nice poem or meaningful essay. I never questioned where she got them because she has always loved to read, and I knew she probably ran across things like that quite often.

On my last birthday in July, she sent me a copy of your booklet titled "Keepers," and as I flipped through it I recognized several of the pieces she had sent me. Then I knew where she had gotten them.

Gramma died suddenly last month of a massive stroke. It was a shock to all of us because we had no idea she wasn't in tiptop shape.

Last week, Mom and I went to her home to sort through her things and distribute her belongings to family members or her favored charities. I found your booklet in her night stand, right next to her Bible. She must have treasured the booklet to have kept it next to her Bible, which she read every day without fail.

Thank you, Abby, for putting so many meaningful things in one booklet. I'm sure she isn't the only one who has enjoyed it. I will treasure my copy even more knowing she liked it, too. -- CYNTHIA BETH IN HOUSTON

DEAR CYNTHIA BETH: Thank you for your heartwarming letter. It pleases me that your grandmother shared her favorite pieces from "Keepers" with you. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the death of your beloved Gramma.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)