DEAR ABBY: I disagree emphatically with your responses to Father Francesco of Newark and to "Worried About My Friend," who was concerned that her friend was entering into a bad marriage and did not want to be in the wedding.

Fifteen years ago last week, I was in that same predicament. Wedding invitations had been sent; the arrangements had been made. Two weeks before the wedding, a friend pulled me aside and told me to think hard about my decision and search my heart to be sure this was right for me. My friend reminded me that I had invited only people I cared about -- and who cared about me -- to the wedding, and should I realize the wedding would be a mistake, they would support me.

I canceled the wedding. Friends and family who had made nonrefundable reservations came anyway and were there to support me on what would have been my wedding day.

The experience made me realize that I lacked the tools to make a good choice for a lifelong mate. I got some help, and have been married 10 years to a wonderful man. If most brides won't listen -- so what? The friend just might save one life -- and you don't know unless you try. -- GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR GRATEFUL: I've received quite a scolding from readers who agree with you and Father Francesco and say I've missed the boat. I'm inclined to agree. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I've been down this road, and "Worried About My Friend" should know it's never too late. Not all brides are so hypnotized by wedding bells they don't comprehend their own situation, even as they shove aside inner fears and don a happy face.

When confronted, I had already spent days smiling for the world and nights sobbing alone in a locked bathroom. Thankfully, my sister and father invited me to a pre-wedding lunch and showed me a clipping from your column. The article contained "15 Reasons to Leave Your Lover," signs of an abusive mate. My fiance exhibited 11 of those red flags. Two weeks before my wedding, and with the support of family, friends and your column, I called it off.

Please tell your readers not to underestimate the power of friendship and love. When we fail to speak out against something we know is wrong, we unwittingly condone it. -- HAWKEYE GAL IN S.F.

DEAR HAWKEYE GAL: I know you're right. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A long time ago, one of my best friends was engaged. Her gown was hanging in the closet when I found out her fiance had been sleeping with someone else. I knew I could lose a very good friend by speaking up, but I also knew I couldn't live with myself if I said nothing. I told her. The wedding was canceled. Her wedding dress was sold and the invitations were thrown in the trash. However, all the bridesmaids were there to support her through her tears, and she later met a wonderful, faithful man to whom she's been married for more than 10 years. -- I'D DO IT AGAIN, CORVALLIS, ORE.

DEAR I'D DO IT AGAIN: You did the right thing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of your male readers. A friend of mine once went through with the wedding because the hall had been paid for by his fiancee's father, and "if I called it off, he would kill me."

Today he is homeless and his wife is raising three children on her own. -- NEIL FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NEIL: The lesson may be, "When in doubt, say 'I don't think so' instead of 'I do.'"

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for a year. My ex and I are no longer speaking. I recently found our wedding album. What should I do with it?

I'm thinking of keeping it because it contains fun pictures from my past. Or perhaps I'll send it to her parents because the wedding was held in their home. Any ideas? -- MICHAEL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MICHAEL: Call and ask your former in-laws if they'd like to have the album. If they say yes, make a copy of the pictures you would like to keep and send the album to them. If the answer is no, keep the album for yourself. But don't be surprised if your next wife prefers that you keep it out of sight or in storage.

DEAR ABBY As the author of three wedding books, I was truly appalled at how "Happy to Lose the Lottery's" co-worker handled informing her that she was not to be invited to her wedding.

Brides often ask me how to handle letting people know that they won't be invited to the wedding. I always suggest that, whatever the reason, they tell people in person (or over the phone or in a written note) that although they would love to invite them, there are reasons why they can't. They can say, "We're going off to our cabin in Wisconsin for a private ceremony," or as was stated in the first half of the message that "Happy" received, "Due to the physical nature of the wedding space, there will not be enough space for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to invite."

In fact, that bride was on the right track in the message she sent -- and if that had been ALL she'd said, I doubt "Happy to Lose" would have been so upset. But to create a "lottery" and then inform people that they were "losers" was really uncalled for. And then to tell someone to send a gift, for which he or she would be thanked "in absentia," was truly over the top. -- LEAH INGRAM, NEW HOPE, PA.

DEAR LEAH: You put it far more politely than most of the people who responded to that item. However, some readers not only were offended at the idea of the lottery, they also found the format of the announcement offensive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If I had received an e-mail from "Elmer" and "Gladys" announcing that I had lost their "lottery" and that I would be thanked for my anticipated gift "in absentia," I would have sent the following form letter in return:

DEAR FRIENDS: We were thrilled to learn of your significant life event through your announcement, invitation, letter, phone call or e-mail. We offer our heartfelt congratulations on your engagement, marriage, birth of your child, new home, anniversary, birthday, confirmation or graduation, or any of these accomplishments on the part of any of your children. How happy and proud you must be!

We must inform you that we have chosen to live an extravagant lifestyle even beyond our already affluent means. Unfortunately, this leaves us with no money to buy gifts for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to honor on their special occasions. Therefore, you will not be receiving any gift from us, other than our good wishes. -- DORENE IN L.A.

P.S. Tasteless is as tasteless does!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Manny in Las Vegas," who wanted to buy a computer for his grandson but his wife argued against it. She felt he wouldn't need one until he was ready for college. She couldn't be more wrong.

I am the mother of three children, two of them in high school. Students today use computers to write papers, just like we used typewriters when we were in school. My two high schoolers use our computer two or three nights a week to complete their homework assignments. In fact, their high school requires that the students complete a keyboarding course as a requirement for graduation.

Computers are part of our children's future. The younger they learn how to use them, the easier it will be for them. -- SUSAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SUSAN: I agree that young children are "wired" to learn more easily than adults. They are also less likely to be technophobic. (Ask anyone who has had to ask his or her children how to program the VCR!) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old. When I was 10, my parents bought the family a computer. I have loved every minute of it. I have my own Web page, but I also have time for school, family and friends. If Manny's wife thinks the computer is a bad idea for their grandson, she should look at me! -- MELISSA IN PHOENIX

DEAR MELISSA: You're right, and you're also an articulate young lady. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the grandfather who wanted to buy his grandson a computer. I had the same idea, but I held off buying a computer until my son entered -- kindergarten!

When he was in first grade and needed reading assistance, I bought reading-oriented programs that he looked forward to using, then math, then science and also spelling. He was able to play educational games on the computer because we held out until last year to buy him video games (although all of his friends had a set). My son is in the third grade now, and our computer is, of course, outdated, but I am very happy with our decision.

It was not necessary for him to have a home computer, because his school has a computer class, and even at 6, my son would help his dad negotiate our computer. I hear from friends with older children that they do quite a bit of their homework assignments or research on their home computers.

In my opinion, computers would be an enhancement for a child of any age, and the grandfather should purchase one for his grandson. -- AMBER IN OVILLA, TEXAS

DEAR AMBER: I have a stack of letters on my desk from people of all ages who agree with you. Computer literacy has become a necessary survival skill -- although like any other technology, children's use of it should be supervised by the parents.

DEAR READERS: If I could give young people only one piece of advice, it would be: read, read, read!

In reading, you will open up new worlds, real and imagined. Read for information, read for pleasure. Our libraries are filled with knowledge and joy, and it's all there -- free for the taking.

The person who does not read is no better off than the person who CANNOT read.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)