DEAR ABBY: I would like to share something special with you. What began as a simple little experiment to give me insight into the people around me ended up giving me more than just the warm fuzzies.

I asked some of those I work with and some close friends to answer the following question with the first thing that came to mind. I asked it exactly as stated with no emphasis on any one particular word: "If you could do any one thing in the world, what would it be?" Some of the answers were amusing. My co-workers answered: "Turn invisible." "Lose 50 pounds." "Educate the world." "I'd rule the world."

My friends answered: "Feel better about myself." "Feed the world" "Become a millionaire."

I asked my boyfriend of five months at the time the same question. Without hesitation, he answered, "I would give you a working pancreas." My jaw dropped, my heart melted and my eyes filled with tears. You see, Abby, I have had type II diabetes for nearly 10 years. Thankfully, I am very well controlled and healthy, yet he knows that the daily rituals that control my life will never go away.

I think I have finally met a man with my best interest at heart. How could I not love someone with such unselfish kindness? Maybe there is hope for the world after all! -- LANA A., ATLANTA

DEAR LANA A.: You picked yourself a Georgia peach, honey. Hang onto him -- he's a keeper.

DEAR ABBY: Yet one more letter about tolerance. Can we not be great Americans and still hold onto ethnic traditions? Why do we have to be a melting pot? Why do we need to shed our backgrounds in order to be true Americans?

There are so many wonderful, beautiful and enriching traditions, and if we open ourselves to learning about them, we can only grow in our acceptance and appreciation of all people. Tolerance means the acceptance of individuals as they are, not as we necessarily want them to be.

I choose to believe that our founding fathers wanted America to be a place where all are welcome, not just those who are like us. Good citizenship does not require the shedding of our backgrounds. Good citizenship means accepting each other and working together for the betterment of us all. -- ANDELA IN LOVELAND, OHIO

DEAR ANDELA: Of course we can be great Americans and still hold onto our ethnic traditions. However, this country would be stronger if everyone who immigrates here became proficient in the English language. And while our various cultural traditions are important in defining who we are, I think it is important to define ourselves as Americans first, rather than calling ourselves "hyphen-Americans," which separates us rather than unites us as a nation. It's a matter of priorities.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who tells visitors to remove their shoes before entering because she has a light-colored carpet.

I, for one, don't like it. What should I do in this situation? -- WONDERING IN COLORADO

DEAR WONDERING: Either walk on your hands or stay home!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from "Wishing for Comfortable Shoes" and wondered why the mother of the bride is dictating what the bride should be wearing. This is the bride and groom's special day -- not the mother's. Mother needs to lighten up, or she not only will spoil the bride's entire day, but also everyone at the affair will notice how miserable the bride is. That's not a healthy way to start off a marriage.

I married 3 1/2 years ago. I wore a beautiful white dress with plain white sneakers, and replaced the shoelaces with blue ribbon that matched the dresses worn by my bridesmaids. And I was comfortable the entire day. -- COMFORTABLE IN DELAWARE

DEAR COMFORTABLE: I received a bushel of mail from like-minded, practical women such as you. I hope the bride-to-be sees this column and heeds what you -- and they -- have to say. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Whenever I'm invited to a bridal shower, or hear of an upcoming wedding, I not only buy the happy couple a shower gift, I also take the time to decorate some plain white lace-up sneakers with ribbons, lace, roses and bows to match the color of the bride's dress. I also enclose a little poem. It's a special and personal gift for the bride to keep forever. (It gets many ooohs and ahhhs from everyone who attends the shower.)

I am the mother of three daughters, and I'll make sure that their wedding will be what they choose, not what I choose. -- PAM T. IN DANIELSVILLE, GA.

DEAR PAM T.: You have hit upon a terrific idea for a shower gift. You must be a very talented lady. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a professional wedding photographer for more than 15 years. I have seen every kind of footwear, from cowboy boots to simulated "glass" slippers.

A few weeks ago, one of my clients came up with a clever solution to the wedding-day shoe dilemma. The bride wore traditional dress shoes for the ceremony, but before the couple left the reception, she changed into a pair of adorable white sneakers that her mother had hand-decorated with lace, sequins and beads. (She applied them using a glue gun.) The photo we took of mother and daughter with those shoes is one of their favorites. Those who noticed them at the reception thought it was a great idea.

I hope that "Wishing's" mom will loosen up. The best thing any bride can do for herself is wear comfortable shoes. -- DALLAS WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER

DEAR DALLAS: I agree. One reader told me she wore Isotoner slippers that matched her gown. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Wishing for Comfortable Shoes in Parsippany, N.J." should have been, "Elope!" A mother as selfish, self-centered and inconsiderate as she is should be left holding the high heels.

Whose wedding is it, anyway? -- ELAINE T., PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ELAINE: I think we all know the answer to that question. But don't be so hard on the mother. Almost every woman who gives birth to a daughter has a fantasy of how she'd like her daughter's wedding day to be. "Wishing's" mother is just having a little trouble letting go of her dream. I'm willing to bet that after she sees this column she'll compromise.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD JAY: Happy birthday, son. Your father and I are so very proud of you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Concerned Counselor in Virginia Beach," who wrote about the problem he was having with teen-aged girls who saw no harm in "huffing" (sniffing glue from a spray can) to get high, I had to write. He asked you for names of celebrities who have died from drug overdoses, which you provided for him in abundance because, sadly, some celebrities, like some teen-agers, think nothing will ever happen to them.

Let me tell you a story about a REGULAR person who happened to be my 16-year-old brother. Twenty-nine years ago (yes, I still keep count) my brother, unbeknownst to me, was experimenting with ways to get high. He tried huffing. I was in college at the time. On March 16, four days before my 20th birthday, I got a phone call at 3 a.m. telling me that my only brother had died. I was devastated. It was the worst time in my life. I still think about it every March 16.

I grew up real quick that week. Not only did I help my dad arrange the funeral because Mom was totally unable, but a few weeks later, I came home for spring break. I opened the door of his bedroom where he had died to find that it had not been cleaned since his death. It was not a pretty sight. I called my dearest friend, who lived five hours away at the time, and told her. She was there the next morning. We dealt with cleaning up the blood he had coughed up while his lungs were hemorrhaging and no one could do anything to help. To this day, she is my dearest friend, even though we have not lived in the same city for 31 years.

I deeply regret that my brother never got to grow up, live his life, get married and have children of his own to love. I have always regretted that my children never had the chance to meet and know their wonderful Uncle Mark.

If today's teen-agers feel the need to get high, please let them know this is not the way to do it. Huffing kills! -- DEBBY BENSON, WILMETTE, ILL.

DEAR DEBBY: I offer my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved younger brother. I join you in the fervent hope that the story of his tragic, senseless death will serve as a warning to teens who mistakenly believe that "huffing" is a harmless pastime. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: I had to giggle when I read the letter from the reader complaining about the Christmas gifts they had received in years past. It reminded me of a feminist joke. If you like it, feel free to print it. -- BURLESON, TEXAS, READER

DEAR READER: It's cute, and I'm sure many people will enjoy it. Read on:

THE FIRST CHRISTMAS

If on the first Christmas, the three wise men had been women, they would have asked for directions, arrived on time, cleaned the stable, helped deliver the baby, made a casserole and brought PRACTICAL gifts.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)