DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wayne," and I met in high school. After high school, our friendship grew deeper and we fell in love. We married and had three beautiful children together who are now 10, 8 and 5. I thought we would have a bright future together and watch our children grow.

Two years ago, he began experiencing unusual symptoms and went to see his doctor. We learned days later that he had leukemia. For a year and a half, Wayne fought to survive. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I lost my friend, my husband and the father of my children.

I am now a 35-year-old widow, raising my children alone. I am trying to do the best I can without him.

Wayne told me during his illness that he didn't want another man to raise our children. It was one of his last wishes. Abby, was he being selfish, or should I abide by his wishes? I loved Wayne more than all the stars in the sky. What I fear now is living alone, and I didn't plan on being a single parent.

Should I allow myself to move past this and concentrate on my and my children's future? Or am I being selfish? -- LONELY MOM IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR LONELY MOM: I offer my sincere sympathy for the untimely loss of your mate. Allowing yourself to move past this tragedy and get on with your life is not selfish -- it's practical. By eliciting a deathbed promise from you that you would never remarry, your husband was trying to hold onto life -- an impossibility. Please don't feel guilty. Life is for the living.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the Elvis impersonator's mom who was upset that her son was the brunt of unkind comments, I just had to write.

My brother-in-law is an Elvis impersonator, and he does it 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- and frankly, the family is sick and tired of it! He never says, "Thank you" -- he has to say, "Thann (not thank) you very much." He even wore his wraparound dark Elvis glasses to his brother's wake and funeral, along with stage makeup and an outfit as close as he could get to look like Elvis. And no, he had NOT just come from a "gig." This WAS his "gig" for the week!

The mother's signature says it all. "Protective Little Mama" is what Elvis' mother was, and I do believe that she considers herself Elvis' mom and enjoys the attention as much as he does. Give me a break!

Most entertainers are professionals and leave the showbiz behind after work. This Elvis wannabe probably does his act all day and all night -- and that's where the problem really lies. Even Dolly Parton says she goes to the grocery store and no one recognizes her.

My sister is a professional musician, but she is "Mom and wife" during the week and a "performer" on the weekends. That man should give the Elvis act a rest, do the "show" only when on stage, and get a life the rest of the time. -- CHARLESTON, S.C., READER

DEAR READER: You could be right. However, I'm not about to psychoanalyze from long distance the mother or her son who is living the part of Elvis. Although most actors can leap in and out of character at will, I have heard of some who remain in character for the duration of the role -- heaven help their families.

P.S. If Dolly Parton can go to the grocery store without anyone recognizing her, I doubt she is shopping in this country!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In my 66 years of life, I have never written to you, but I have to respond to the letter from "Widow Driver," who complained about chauffeuring older women who don't drive.

She seems to think that a driver's license is obtainable by anyone who can guide an automobile without hitting too many obstacles.

My wife can drive a car to some extent. I taught her the basics in case of emergency. But when we went to the DMV to see about making it legal, she passed only the written test. When the eye test was administered, the examiner said, "Lady, you should not even WALK on the road -- much less drive on it!"

So, while she can "paddle her own canoe" -- to use your phrase -- she cannot see where it is going. Does "Widow Driver" want my wife approaching her grandkids' school crosswalk? I doubt it. -- LONE DRIVER, HILLSBOROUGH, N.C.

DEAR LONE DRIVER: I doubt it, too. That letter certainly touched a nerve with my readers. Mail about it poured in for days. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Widow Driver" prompts my own. What a smug, selfish person! There are many reasons why older people cannot drive -- and the LEAST of them is that they don't know how. The aging process may cause blindness and other serious health problems. Most of my friends who need transportation mourn the loss of their independence. No doubt, there are those who could learn to drive, but please don't lump all senior citizens into one group. -- FLORIDA READER

DEAR FLORIDA READER: You're right. Just because older people don't drive doesn't mean they don't know how. Some suffer from medical conditions that do not permit them to drive, and others are exercising good judgment because they could be a danger to themselves or others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your reasoned response to the mean-spirited woman who complained about non-driving widows. I'm sure there are many reasons for a woman to fall into this category. I once read that high-grade morons make the best drivers, and I hate the assumption that a woman who doesn't drive is an inferior being.

Although I have never driven, I served in the Air Force, raised two children, and have led a useful life using public transportation (taxis, buses -- and yes, occasionally good friends). I have "paddled my own canoe" and have never been a "mooch," always offering to buy gas or treat the driver to lunch. And yes, I have saved a bundle by not owning a car. What's wrong with that? -- DONNA IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR DONNA: Not a darn thing, from my perspective. I think ride-sharing is an admirable and environmentally friendly way to go. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was furious when I read the letter from "Widow Driver." Has the milk of human kindness curdled in that woman's breast? To write such an ugly letter has probably caused a lot of women pain and anguish, thinking they are the widows in the letter.

If the woman needs help to pay for the gasoline, she should TELL the widows. I'm sure they'd help.

I'm signing my name as I do on letters to friends, so that people know who wrote this letter and can call me for rides if they need them. -- KATHY T., LAYTON, UTAH

DEAR KATHY T.: Spoken like a good neighbor. I salute you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The rules for dieting during the holidays you printed prompts this letter. I want to tell you and your readers about my weight loss and recovery from compulsive overeating through Overeaters Anonymous.

Before I found OA at age 19, I had failed at every diet I tried. I wasn't able to stop shoving food down my throat. Back then, I could easily consume eight candy bars, a pint of ice cream and half a pizza in one sitting -- then wait for the food to digest so I could go back for more. My emotional state, as you might imagine, was equally tortured. I had suicidal thoughts.

Luckily I found OA which, as many know, is based on Alcoholics Anonymous and has a spiritual component. I walked into my first meeting a confirmed atheist, but I was so desperate that I was ready to try anything. And it worked!

I lost 45 pounds, Abby, but more important, I have kept it off for more than 18 years. One of my closest friends lost 102 pounds through OA and has kept it off for nearly two years. My sponsor, who guides me through the program, lost 250 pounds and has kept it off for 27 years. I'm not making that up.

Incredibly, I don't miss the foods I used to wolf down. I eat nothing sweeter than fresh fruit, and I haven't been plagued by the relentless cravings I used to suffer. OA changed the way I relate emotionally to food. I love life now, and often can't wait to get up in the morning.

Please tell your readers they can find OA in the phone book under Overeaters Anonymous or through directory assistance. -- GRATEFUL IN L.A.

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm delighted to do it. I hope your letter will inspire others who are waging the battle against compulsive overeating and who are unaware that help is available.

Overeaters Anonymous has more than 8,000 groups in 58 countries. Local chapters are listed in the telephone directory. There are no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. There is no shaming, no weighing and no embarrassment. You will be welcomed with open arms into a fellowship of compassionate women and men who share a common problem.

There are chapters in almost every city, but if you have difficulty finding one near you, visit the Web site: www.overeatersanonymous.org, or send a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87124-4020.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "IMPATIENT TEEN": Although it may seem to you that time is standing still, before you know it, you'll be old enough to date. Henry Van Dyke summed it up nicely in the poem "Time Is":

"Too slow for those who wait,

"Too swift for those who fear,

"Too long for those who grieve,

"Too short for those who rejoice,

"But for those who love,

"Time is eternity."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)