DEAR ABBY: My good friend experienced a tragedy last night. Her ex-husband had their two little boys with him for a weekend visit. He got drunk, took them for a ride and got into a wreck.

The boys are 5 and 7, and the most precious, sweet and funny children. Now the youngest is paralyzed from the waist down, and there's a chance neither will make it.

It breaks my heart to see two such sweet little boys hooked up to machines, and not know if they'll be here for Santa to visit or not. We are praying for them.

Please, Abby, remind your readers that if they drive, they shouldn't drink -- and if they drink, to hand their keys to a sober friend or take a cab. -- DEVASTATED IN TRUSSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR DEVASTATED: Your letter is a chilling reminder of the innocent lives that can be snuffed out or irreversibly changed because of people driving under the influence. During this last holiday season of the century, let's all resolve to act maturely and responsibly while celebrating -- and maybe we'll all be here to welcome the year 2000.

DEAR ABBY: My husband dislikes my family and friends. He never wants to be around them for social gatherings -- and when he does go, he acts as if he's suffering. His attitude is starting to affect the relationship between our children and my parents. It's as if he doesn't want our kids to spend any time with them.

If I say something about his family or friends, he goes ballistic. If I don't want to be around them, I'm "stupid" and "anti-social." His family talks badly about me and treats me like dirt. When I say anything to my husband about it, he says I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting.

Abby, I'm tired of suffering, and my children deserve to spend as much time with my family as they do with his. Please help! -- FED UP IN PIEDMONT, S.C.

DEAR FED UP: Under normal circumstances, spouses are willing to extend themselves in the interest of family unity -- even if it means sometimes socializing with relatives they don't particularly enjoy. Had you given any indication why your husband dislikes your parents and friends, and why his family dislikes you, your question would have been easier to answer.

Name-calling and isolating someone from family and friends are considered abusive behaviors. If you and your husband cannot reach an agreement about this, enlist the assistance of a clergyperson or professional counselor.

DEAR ABBY: We get an awful lot of catalogs that we never requested. I don't know how we got on so many mailing lists. Is there a way to call or write someone to stop getting so many catalogs? -- ALAN W. IN TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ALAN: There certainly is. To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association, P.O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, N.Y. 11735. The lists are purged only once every quarter, so it may take some time to notice a change in the volume of unsolicited mail you're receiving.

P.S. There is no charge for this service.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Many of you will participate in special celebrations as we enter the year 2000. While enjoying the festivities, please remember the first letter in my column today. The writer's plea -- one which I have been making for years -- bears repeating! If you drink, don't drive; if you drive, don't drink!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wayne," and I met in high school. After high school, our friendship grew deeper and we fell in love. We married and had three beautiful children together who are now 10, 8 and 5. I thought we would have a bright future together and watch our children grow.

Two years ago, he began experiencing unusual symptoms and went to see his doctor. We learned days later that he had leukemia. For a year and a half, Wayne fought to survive. Unfortunately, it was not to be. I lost my friend, my husband and the father of my children.

I am now a 35-year-old widow, raising my children alone. I am trying to do the best I can without him.

Wayne told me during his illness that he didn't want another man to raise our children. It was one of his last wishes. Abby, was he being selfish, or should I abide by his wishes? I loved Wayne more than all the stars in the sky. What I fear now is living alone, and I didn't plan on being a single parent.

Should I allow myself to move past this and concentrate on my and my children's future? Or am I being selfish? -- LONELY MOM IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR LONELY MOM: I offer my sincere sympathy for the untimely loss of your mate. Allowing yourself to move past this tragedy and get on with your life is not selfish -- it's practical. By eliciting a deathbed promise from you that you would never remarry, your husband was trying to hold onto life -- an impossibility. Please don't feel guilty. Life is for the living.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the Elvis impersonator's mom who was upset that her son was the brunt of unkind comments, I just had to write.

My brother-in-law is an Elvis impersonator, and he does it 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- and frankly, the family is sick and tired of it! He never says, "Thank you" -- he has to say, "Thann (not thank) you very much." He even wore his wraparound dark Elvis glasses to his brother's wake and funeral, along with stage makeup and an outfit as close as he could get to look like Elvis. And no, he had NOT just come from a "gig." This WAS his "gig" for the week!

The mother's signature says it all. "Protective Little Mama" is what Elvis' mother was, and I do believe that she considers herself Elvis' mom and enjoys the attention as much as he does. Give me a break!

Most entertainers are professionals and leave the showbiz behind after work. This Elvis wannabe probably does his act all day and all night -- and that's where the problem really lies. Even Dolly Parton says she goes to the grocery store and no one recognizes her.

My sister is a professional musician, but she is "Mom and wife" during the week and a "performer" on the weekends. That man should give the Elvis act a rest, do the "show" only when on stage, and get a life the rest of the time. -- CHARLESTON, S.C., READER

DEAR READER: You could be right. However, I'm not about to psychoanalyze from long distance the mother or her son who is living the part of Elvis. Although most actors can leap in and out of character at will, I have heard of some who remain in character for the duration of the role -- heaven help their families.

P.S. If Dolly Parton can go to the grocery store without anyone recognizing her, I doubt she is shopping in this country!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In my 66 years of life, I have never written to you, but I have to respond to the letter from "Widow Driver," who complained about chauffeuring older women who don't drive.

She seems to think that a driver's license is obtainable by anyone who can guide an automobile without hitting too many obstacles.

My wife can drive a car to some extent. I taught her the basics in case of emergency. But when we went to the DMV to see about making it legal, she passed only the written test. When the eye test was administered, the examiner said, "Lady, you should not even WALK on the road -- much less drive on it!"

So, while she can "paddle her own canoe" -- to use your phrase -- she cannot see where it is going. Does "Widow Driver" want my wife approaching her grandkids' school crosswalk? I doubt it. -- LONE DRIVER, HILLSBOROUGH, N.C.

DEAR LONE DRIVER: I doubt it, too. That letter certainly touched a nerve with my readers. Mail about it poured in for days. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Widow Driver" prompts my own. What a smug, selfish person! There are many reasons why older people cannot drive -- and the LEAST of them is that they don't know how. The aging process may cause blindness and other serious health problems. Most of my friends who need transportation mourn the loss of their independence. No doubt, there are those who could learn to drive, but please don't lump all senior citizens into one group. -- FLORIDA READER

DEAR FLORIDA READER: You're right. Just because older people don't drive doesn't mean they don't know how. Some suffer from medical conditions that do not permit them to drive, and others are exercising good judgment because they could be a danger to themselves or others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your reasoned response to the mean-spirited woman who complained about non-driving widows. I'm sure there are many reasons for a woman to fall into this category. I once read that high-grade morons make the best drivers, and I hate the assumption that a woman who doesn't drive is an inferior being.

Although I have never driven, I served in the Air Force, raised two children, and have led a useful life using public transportation (taxis, buses -- and yes, occasionally good friends). I have "paddled my own canoe" and have never been a "mooch," always offering to buy gas or treat the driver to lunch. And yes, I have saved a bundle by not owning a car. What's wrong with that? -- DONNA IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR DONNA: Not a darn thing, from my perspective. I think ride-sharing is an admirable and environmentally friendly way to go. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was furious when I read the letter from "Widow Driver." Has the milk of human kindness curdled in that woman's breast? To write such an ugly letter has probably caused a lot of women pain and anguish, thinking they are the widows in the letter.

If the woman needs help to pay for the gasoline, she should TELL the widows. I'm sure they'd help.

I'm signing my name as I do on letters to friends, so that people know who wrote this letter and can call me for rides if they need them. -- KATHY T., LAYTON, UTAH

DEAR KATHY T.: Spoken like a good neighbor. I salute you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)