DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 17 years. My husband never tells me I look pretty. I know some women reading your column will think, "Who cares what somebody else thinks of you?" He tells my daughter she looks pretty -- and the girls in his office -- so I know he knows how to give a compliment.

Abby, I am not overweight. I wear makeup and get my hair cut every six weeks. I am not homely. I shower twice a day.

A year ago I told my husband how I felt. Now the only time he says anything complimentary to me is when we are in bed. Too late! I need to hear encouraging words. Every woman needs to hear that she's attractive.

If you print this, maybe it will alert some nice husband out there who has been withholding to say, "Honey, you look pretty today." It'll sure go a long way with his wife. -- DESPERATE FOR A COMPLIMENT

DEAR DESPERATE: You hit the nail on the head when you described your husband's behavior as "withholding." The next step is to discover why he would deliberately withhold something from you that you told him you needed. And while you're at it, ask yourself why it took 16 years to tell your husband what you wanted from him.

I suspect there are problems in your marriage that you haven't mentioned in your letter. Perhaps when they're resolved, you'll receive the strokes you crave.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbors hung a wreath on their door with a motion sensor that plays Christmas music whenever someone comes to the door. Unfortunately, it is also activated by the wind, so that it plays endlessly, over and over, day and night on breezy days.

There should be a unique hell for people who invent those little electronic noise-making gizmos; they certainly make it difficult for folks in THIS world!

Please, Abby, ask your readers to keep such items INSIDE their homes for their own enjoyment. Then maybe the rest of us can have a "silent night." -- BAH HUMBUG IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR HUMBUG: Your suggestion seems reasonable to me. A silent night is a necessity before a constructive work day. And most of us have to work -- even during the Christmas season. Ho! Ho! Ho!

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter about automobile safety. The reader recommended that everyone should install a "back-up beeper" on their cars. The cost would be less than $50.

Abby, every automobile manufactured in the United States already has a working beeper -- it's called a horn!

When I worked for the post office, we were trained to "beep more than once" when we backed up our vehicles. I have been retired for 15 years and still automatically honk my horn every time I put my car in reverse. Everyone should try it! -- PETER IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR PETER: Several readers wrote to tell me my response to that letter left a lot to be desired. If that safety tip is good enough for the U.S. Postal Service, it's good enough for me. (Not to mention a great way to save $50!)

And while I'm on the subject, another reader pointed out that when a driver is too old and stiff to turn around and check to see if someone is standing behind the car before backing up, that person should no longer be driving.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old single woman. My significant other and I have been together for five years. He's eight years older than I am, and he brings me great joy.

A problem has arisen that has me at my wit's end. When we first began dating, "George" would drop hints about how he loved long blond hair. At the time I was a natural brunette, but thought a few highlights wouldn't hurt. I let it grow. Eventually my hair became lighter and lighter until I was all blond. However, I never really liked it. It didn't complement my skin tones. I have been blond for more than four years. Friends and family tell me I look better as a brunette.

During my last trip to the hairdresser, I asked to have my hair darkened one shade. It's now very light brown, and I like it. George hates it. He hates it so much that for the first week he wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I had no idea what was wrong, and I suspected he had met someone else.

The following week, we were talking again, but things still weren't "right." All signs of affection were gone. I tolerated it for a week and then confronted him. It turned out he really wanted me blond. I let him know how unattractive he was making me feel and how shallow I thought he was. He blamed me and my hair and said that if I hadn't gone blond, we probably never would have gotten together.

I tried to convince him I was still the same person. The fight escalated to the point where I packed my bags and was out the door. He finally admitted HE had the problem, and convinced me to stay while he worked it out. The following week he was back to being his old self.

Last night my family gathered at a nice restaurant for a birthday dinner. Midway through the evening, wouldn't you know, in walked a couple, and the blond-headed woman sat next to our table "flipping" her hair. George couldn't take his eyes off her. It was so embarrassing it made me depressed. I gave George "the look" to knock it off, but he didn't. My family also noticed. When we got home, he acted like nothing was wrong.

I don't know what to do. I can't go back to being blond because I'll never know if he loves me or the fantasy. It seems like such a trivial reason to break up, but I can't imagine putting up with this for the rest of my life. Any advice? -- TIRED OF THE ROOTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TIRED: George has a problem and he admits it. Your gentleman not only prefers blondes, it appears he has a fetish for long blond hair. People can change their behavior, but they can't change their feelings.

Joint counseling might be helpful for you both to help each other understand what you're both really saying. The relationship can't succeed unless you are comfortable and feel accepted for who you are. If it depends upon changing your appearance, then face it -- George isn't someone to dye for.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if there is a proper place for an ex-wife to sit during a funeral, when the deceased has a significant other and intended for her to sit in front, as if she were his wife.

Does the ex sit in front also, or among the general congregation? -- CURIOUS IN PRIEST RIVER, IDAHO

DEAR CURIOUS: Where the former spouse sits depends upon whether there were children from the marriage. At a time of grief, the children would probably want their mother close to them. If not in the front row, probably in the row directly behind them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was married three months ago and still do not live with my husband. We have been remodeling the farmhouse that he has lived in for the last three years. Before I came along, he lived in filth and clutter.

Abby, I'm beginning to lose patience. He promised the house would be habitable before we married. The only work that gets done to the house is what my mother and I do. I cannot live in a house under construction because I become claustrophobic and agitated in that kind of clutter. This is starting to have a negative effect on our marriage. Please help. -- LIVING SINGLE IN DES MOINES

DEAR LIVING SINGLE: If your fiance promised the house would be completed before your wedding, and then failed to fulfill that promise, that should have rung an alarm bell regarding his level of enthusiasm about marriage. Since after three months he is still not motivated enough to keep his promise so that you may live together as husband and wife, it's time to re-evaluate the entire situation.

Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Marriage should be a partnership, but you and your mother are doing all of the work. This man is unlikely to change. Consider consulting an attorney about an annulment before investing any more time or elbow grease. You deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: Scooters are the latest rage. Their popularity is growing. They're at the top of almost every kid's Christmas wish list.

Along with this scooter craze comes a number of safety concerns. Abby, will you help me spread the word about the do's and don'ts of safe scooter usage? -- CARLTON CALVIN, PRESIDENT, RAZOR, U.S.A.

DEAR CARLTON: Certainly. Your safety tips are important and well worth the space in my column. Read on:

1. DO use the same precautions you would when riding a bike, a skateboard or using in-line skates.

2. DO wear a helmet and elbow and kneepads.

3. DON'T ride barefoot or in sandals. Wear athletic shoes.

4. DON'T allow children under age 8 to ride a scooter.

5. DO watch the terrain; avoid bumps, water, sand and gravel.

6. DON'T be a "hot dog" and ride too fast.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of receiving a thank-you for a wedding gift and being told, "Your generous gift has been donated to our favorite charity"?

I realize once a gift is given it's the recipient's to use or dispose of as he or she wishes. However, I would have preferred to have been told beforehand that the wedding was to be a "charity fund-raiser," because my gift was chosen especially for the bride and groom. -- MIFFED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MIFFED: The couple who received the gift were a little too truthful. To inform someone that his or her gift wasn't worthy of keeping implied that it was useless or tasteless. A simple "Thank you for the beautiful ( ) and for your generosity" would have been much kinder than the note you received.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)