DEAR ABBY: Oh, my gosh -- the letter from Bob Buckles' mom listing the rules for good table manners was the best! What a great woman. She included everything you need to survive a social dinner anywhere.

I am a social phobic -- there, I've said it out loud. And those rules will help me remember what to do. In case I missed a rule or two while raising my girls, I'll pass that list along. You can be sure it'll be posted on my fridge. Thank you, Bob -- and thanks to you, Mom. And thank you too, Abby. -- CHERI IN GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR CHERI: Thank YOU. Mrs. Buckles' list of table manners generated still more of them. It's a subject people can sink their teeth into. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: People chomping on their food with open mouths is a pet peeve of mine. It is disgusting.

May I add a 21st suggestion to Mrs. Buckles' 20? "Keep your mouth closed when chewing your food, lest you resemble a cow chewing its cud." -- WESLEY WOOD, MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR WESLEY: Your pet peeve is shared by many others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: May I offer another rule for Mrs. Buckles? It is: Remove your hat before sitting down at the table. This includes BASEBALL CAPS! -- NANCY IN HAMMONDSVILLE, OHIO

DEAR NANCY: You're right -- in polite society the hat should come off, unless it's there for religious reasons. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The list of table manners was great! I'd like to add a few of my own bugaboos:

(1) Wash your hands before you're asked to sit down at the table.

(2) Be sure your hosts know about any dietary requirements well BEFORE the meal.

(3) Spoon up and out of a serving dish instead of shoveling the food over the edge to the plate.

(4) Don't feed the dog under the table. -- ANOTHER MOTHER, PHOENIX

DEAR A.M.: Excellent suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Mrs. Buckles' rules were the same ones my parents raised me with in the 1960s and '70s. I would like to add one other: Eat whatever the host has prepared, NO MATTER WHAT. If you're not sure you'll like it, take only a small portion. That way no food will be wasted.

Because of that rule, I have tasted many foods I might have refused to try -- and my opinions are based on experience, not ignorance. -- KERRY MERRILL, MIKANA, WIS.

DEAR KERRY: Very sensible! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Reading the letter from Bob Buckles, I thought how much I would enjoy spending Thanksgiving with my children and their families. I wouldn't care where or how we ate, as long as we could be together.

We were "transplanted" away from our home and family in 1981. We have spent Thanksgiving with them only once in nearly 20 years. Holidays away from home and family aren't easy. Ask anyone whose job has taken them to other places, and I'll bet they would trade all of Helen's "rules" for a loving family dinner.

It makes me appreciate all the more what our armed forces -- who are away from home for our benefit -- do for us. -- ALSO A MOTHER, BUT NOT PICKY, GRAYSON, GA.

DEAR ALSO: I appreciate your sentiments, but I can't help but conclude that there isn't one "right" answer here. You and Mrs. Buckles both have a point.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Christmas came early last year: Our copier repairman at work gave me his cold. I spent Christmas Eve and Day with my cat, because I dared not inflict my cold on my elderly parents.

Abby, please remind your readers to cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing. A big thank-you. Sign me ... AAACHOO!

DEAR AAACHOO: You're welcome. (Gesundheit!)

As important as covering one's mouth when coughing or sneezing may be, it is equally important for EVERYONE to frequently wash their hands during cold season. Contrary to popular belief that colds are caught from germs flying through the air, more colds are caught because people cough and sneeze into their hands, and then touch objects that are touched by others (door handles, elevator buttons, stair rails, telephones). When their contaminated fingers touch their eyes or noses -- THAT is how colds are transmitted.

Frequent hand-washing (or sanitizing) is the best defense. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As we all know the importance of washing our hands because illness can be transmitted by touching our eyes, nose and mouth, it amazes me that strangers have an uncontrollable desire to test a newborn infant's hand grasp. Don't they know that babies comfort themselves by putting their hands into their mouths?

It's flu season, Abby, so please ask your readers to try to keep their hands to themselves when they see a baby. Only their smiles, coos and kind words are appreciated by their parents. -- CALIFORNIA MOTHER OF TWO

DEAR MOTHER OF TWO: That makes good sense to me. Although tiny babies are almost irresistible, adults must bear in mind that the immune systems of infants are fragile, and make the effort to lessen their exposure to illnesses they may be ill-equipped to fight off.

DEAR ABBY: Why is it that after a couple has dated for more than two years, everyone assumes that they are ready to get married and that the woman is anxiously holding her breath waiting for the ring?

I am 31 years old and have been in a relationship for three years. While we are very happy, we feel we still need time before moving on to the next step. It amazes me when family and friends chastise my boyfriend and pity me because I haven't been so "lucky" as to have gotten engaged.

Abby, please tell people that it's NOT OK to assume every woman is dying to get married. I find this degrading and old-fashioned. I realize that everyone has good intentions, but if one more person asks me when he's finally going to pop the question, I just might "pop" that person. -- HAPPILY DATING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HAPPILY DATING: Before popping off, please consider that your family and friends are traditional thinkers. Your attitude is extremely contemporary. Until the last 15 or 20 years, it was most women's dream to be married -- and if they were in a steady relationship for more than two years without a commitment, the problem often was that the boyfriend was unwilling.

Years ago, girls used to dream about a little white house with a picket fence. Now, they're likely to dream about a corporate office with a couple of windows.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We just found out that one of our sons changed his last name. What a terrible blow to our family. We found out very painfully when his wife had a baby. We went to the hospital to see the newest member of our family and couldn't find a "Mrs. Barry Nofzinger." However, there WAS a "Mrs. Barry Gibson."

Barry had used the name "Gibson" before, when he was in sales. He said it was much easier to remember than Nofzinger. He never indicated that he was considering changing his name. When he remarried two years ago, he still used the name Nofzinger. As far as we know, the name change occurred prior to our grandson's birth.

When we asked why, he told us his current wife (Barry was married before) didn't want to be the "second" Mrs. Nofzinger. The funny thing is, Barry's first wife remarried long before our son met or married his current wife. She has used her present husband's name for years.

Barry contends that we're making too much of this. He expects his relationship with us will remain as it has always been. In fact, he expects his son to have the same kind of relationship with us that we have with our other grandchildren.

We have been good parents, Abby. We have given our love and support unconditionally to all our children. I pray that I can continue doing that, but right now, I'm so full of anger, pain and shame that I wonder if it wouldn't be best if I told our son we would prefer never to see him again.

Barry's father is very hurt, and his brothers are also upset. He's unable to understand why we feel this way.

Perhaps someday I won't feel like I have been slapped in the face every time I see "Gibson" instead of "Nofzinger" after his name. Please help me to let go of my anger. -- SEEING RED IN OREGON

DEAR SEEING RED: William Shakespeare was right when he said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." It's no sin to change one's name -- and your son's having done so is no reflection upon how he feels about his siblings and you. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

You say you're wondering if it wouldn't be best to tell your son you'd prefer never to see him again. Be careful what you wish for.

DEAR ABBY: Christmas is around the corner. Because our first child was due at Thanksgiving, I planned ahead and did as much of my shopping in advance as I could. The problem is, my husband's family expects everyone to buy presents for everyone else. This means we have to buy for 20 people! I don't mind buying for his parents and siblings, and even his grandparents, but the aunts, uncles and cousins are killing me.

We've bought everyone presents for the past two years and are still paying off credit cards from last year's purchases. I still have my parents and siblings to buy for, too. Money is tight because I'm off work now and will return to work only part time in a few months.

Abby, I don't see how we can afford to continue this tradition. My husband won't let me say anything to his family. Can you give me some advice? -- WANTING A SIMPLER CHRISTMAS

DEAR WANTING: Only this: If you continue trying to adhere to his family's "traditions," your little family will never be out of debt, and your financial burdens will continue to grow until they crush you. Since your husband won't "let" you explain this to his family, perhaps he will consent to accompany you to some credit counseling sessions. I hope they'll help him see the light.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)