DEAR ABBY: My friend "Nancy" and I have known each other for three years. She's a nice person and I cherish her friendship. The problem is she always invites herself to go with me to family functions.

When I tell her I'm going home for the weekend to visit my parents, she says, "I'll ride along with you." She comes home with me for Christmas, Thanksgiving and family birthdays. I am afraid to mention this constant "tagging along" to Nancy because she grew up in several foster homes and never had a real family. I would never want Nancy to feel I'm turning my back on her like she says everyone else has.

Abby, am I being selfish? How can I spend some alone time with my family without hurting Nancy's feelings? -- STUCK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: Perhaps the reason "everyone else" has "turned their back" on Nancy is because they didn't have the courage to explain to her that they felt encroached upon. She must be told. Doing so is not selfish; it will prevent your resentment from building to the point where Nancy is rejected once again. Explain as kindly as possible that although she's welcome to accompany you on some occasions, you need time alone with your family. It's the truth -- and saying so shouldn't make you feel guilty because you're not excommunicating her; you're creating healthy boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you printed a letter to grandmothers from "Your Son's Wife." I saved that letter. It is as appropriate today as it was then. Please print it again. My in-laws need to see it. Thank you. -- ANOTHER SON'S WIFE IN IOWA

DEAR WIFE: You're welcome. Read on:

DEAR GRANDMOTHERS: Please don't play favorites. If you buy a gift for your daughter's children, please buy something of equal value for your son's children. These children are cousins, and cousins play together. When they see the expensive toys, books and clothing that Grandma has given their cousins, they become jealous because Grandma has never given them such grand gifts. She gives them cheap little trinkets -- or nothing at all.

I am the mother of the children who receive very little from Grandma. I have looked into the sad eyes of my children when we visit their cousins who have been showered with expensive gifts from Grandma. It is always the daughter's children who are favored. I have friends who are in exactly the same situation, so I know I'm not imagining this.

I realize some grandmothers are fair to all their grandchildren, but I am sorry to say that they are the exception.

I hope this letter will cause the grandmothers who are guilty of this kind of favoritism to change their ways. Most children don't "need" anything -- but they are hurt when their cousins always get the peaches and they get the pits.

Thanks for listening. -- YOUR SON'S WIFE

DEAR ABBY: Until now, I never believed in psychics or receiving "visions" while sleeping, but I had a dream before the presidential election that the winner would have six letters in his first name and four letters in his last.

Dreams really DO come true! (I wish I'd put a bet on it.) -- JACK ANSPACH, VIRGINIA BEACH

DEAR JACK: This time you had a surefire winner. However, when it comes to betting, it's better to do it with your eyes open.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: May I offer some words of advice for those who make it easy pickings for burglars? Stealing during the holidays is like taking candy from a baby. Most homes display lovely gift packages under Christmas trees. If no precautions are taken, homes become a "marketplace" from which thieves can "shop" with impunity. It is also a time when stores are teeming with careless, unsuspecting shoppers who are stressed out looking for last-minute gifts, and rushing around trying to get everything done. Pickpockets and muggers delight in how easy it is to rob shoppers during the holiday season.

Abby, I would like to provide your readers with some tips to help them avoid becoming victims this holiday season:

-- Thieves hate bright lights, so install outside lights and keep them on at night. If you plan to be away, purchase timers for your indoor lights and set them to make it appear that someone is at home. (Lights left on 24 hours a day are a dead giveaway that the house is empty.)

-- Be sure to have your mail and newspaper delivery halted until you return. If it piles up, it's a sure sign that you're not there.

-- Leave curtains, shades and blinds in the normal position.

-- Be certain door and window locks are in working order -- AND USE THEM.

-- Do not leave blinds or curtains open so that one peek in the window reveals piles of gifts under the tree -- or elsewhere. Allowing thieves to see the gifts is like extending an invitation.

-- Going out for the evening? Turn on some lights, as well as your radio or television. It will make your dwelling appear to be occupied.

-- Beware of couriers delivering packages. Criminals sometimes use that ruse to get a look inside, or if you appear to be alone, to force their way in. Thieves also pose as agents seeking charitable donations. Always ask for identification, ask to see permits, and also ask how the funds will be used.

-- When shopping, be alert and aware of what's going on around you.

-- Park in a lighted garage or lot, and be sure your path to the store is well-lighted. Familiarize yourself with your parking location so you needn't wander around looking for your car when you return. Be sure to place all packages in the trunk of your car and lock your car.

-- Avoid carrying large amounts of cash. Pay by credit card or check. To deter pickpockets and purse snatchers, don't overburden yourself with packages. Carry your purse close to your body, securely closed and not dangling by the straps. Men, carry your wallet in an inside pocket or in your front pants pocket.

-- Teach your children to go to a store clerk or security guard if they become separated from you. And if you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to ask a security guard to escort you to your car.

-- A final warning: Be sure your valuables are inventoried and marked. That way, if thieves succeed in robbing you, you have proof of loss and will be able to identify and claim your stolen items should they be recovered.

Happy, safe holidays to you and your readers, Abby. -- "OFFICER KRUPKE," NEW YORK CITY

DEAR "OFFICER KRUPKE":

I think you are great.

Although your letter left me

in a much-saddened state.

I pray that your warnings

aren't taken as quips.

Thank you for your important tips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We have read the poignant essay "Welcome to Holland" in your column several times. It's the metaphorical account of the shock a mother received upon discovering her beloved baby had been born with Down syndrome.

She likened the experience -- and the events leading up to it -- to the carefully laid plans for a fabulous vacation in Italy. "You plan for months," she says, "and when the time finally comes and your plane lands, the flight attendant says, 'Welcome to Holland.'" Those of us who have parented children born with birth defects are all too familiar with the shock the writer felt when she learned she was one of us -- her plans for an "Italian vacation" would never be.

Mrs. Kingsley wisely decided that if you have to face a fate that cannot be changed, you'd best make the most of it. "If life hands you lemons, make lemonade."

Well, please welcome us back from Holland! Our first daughter was born with epidermolysis bulosa, an extremely rare and debilitating skin condition that causes the skin to break into blisters. As the blisters slowly heal and break down again, they leave scars similar to those caused by a third-degree burn. Most victims go through life with a sizable part of their body swathed in bandages. Our daughter also lost an arm above the elbow to skin cancer.

Eleven years later, our second daughter was born with the same affliction. She lost a leg above the knee.

Both girls went through public schools and on to college. One became a state champion debater; the other went to state competitions in choir. We tried to be faithful stewards of the precious lives God had entrusted to our care -- binding up their wounds and shielding them from the assaults of the world.

Four years ago, Tana, our older daughter, embarked on her final journey -- she went home at age 50. A few months ago, her younger sister, Darla, went to be with her. She was 42.

We don't regret our decision to stay in Holland. We know we filled the needs of two beautiful children who, but for us, might have fared even worse in this world than they did. We have over a half-century of wonderful memories -- and we have each other.

To prospective parents, we can only say we hope you get to make it to Italy. However, if you don't -- Holland's not the worst place in the world. Much depends on your perspective.

God bless you, Emily Perl Kingsley, for your courage and willingness to share. God bless you, Abby, for providing the forum. -- BILL AND JEANNE MAULTSBY, ORANGE, TEXAS

DEAR BILL AND JEANNE: I cried when I read your poignant letter. It proves the truth of the saying that regardless of what we think, God doesn't make our path steeper than we can climb. I'm glad that you have each other. You deserve each other -- and that's the highest compliment I can pay.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)