DEAR ABBY: I'm 28, my girlfriend is 32. We've been dating for three months and care about each other, but there are a few issues I'm afraid spell "trouble ahead."

When we discussed our future, she told me she had requirements. She wants a one-carat emerald-cut diamond, and it will cost me between $5,000 and $7,000.

What happened to the days when a woman who loved a man would take whatever he gave her and appreciate it? When I asked her that question, she said a marriage is an investment, and the man should show his love by giving her something she really wants to prove his love for her.

She is also very attractive and has a nice figure. She wears miniskirts and is always talking to the guys who talk to her first. She flirts with them while I'm with her. She receives calls on her answering machine on a regular basis, and I'm feeling jealous, hurt and anxious about it. She says she needs attention from men. I feel that since we're dating exclusively, she should advise the guys who are calling that she's seeing someone. She does seem to be notifying them -- but the calls continue to come in. Lots of them.

I just started a new job, and it will be a long time before I can afford a ring that costs as much as the one she wants.

What are your thoughts on this, Abby? -- ON THE SPOT IN FLORIDA

DEAR ON THE SPOT: A woman who defines marriage as an investment, and insists that the man prove his love by the size of the diamond he gives her, is more focused on what she can get than she is on the man.

The number of men who have her phone number is also of concern to me. If she were in love with you, she would not constantly crave attention from other men.

I'm pleased that you just started a new job and it will take a long time for you to save up for that ring. It's imperative you learn much more about her before you invest in a lifetime commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old soldier stationed with the U.S. Army in Heidelberg, Germany. I am spending my second holiday season away from home. I remember all the "little things" that make Thanksgiving and Christmas special in my family, and I get homesick realizing how much I took for granted.

I chose this life, and I am here for a great cause. I get up every day and put on my uniform and know that I am doing some good. As I get together with friends over here, I try to make the most of what I have.

Thanks, Abby, for all you do. -- A SOLDIER OVERSEAS

DEAR SOLDIER: You have a good head on your shoulders and a healthy attitude. I'm certain your letter will lift the spirits of armed forces members far from home.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Nancy" and I have known each other for three years. She's a nice person and I cherish her friendship. The problem is she always invites herself to go with me to family functions.

When I tell her I'm going home for the weekend to visit my parents, she says, "I'll ride along with you." She comes home with me for Christmas, Thanksgiving and family birthdays. I am afraid to mention this constant "tagging along" to Nancy because she grew up in several foster homes and never had a real family. I would never want Nancy to feel I'm turning my back on her like she says everyone else has.

Abby, am I being selfish? How can I spend some alone time with my family without hurting Nancy's feelings? -- STUCK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: Perhaps the reason "everyone else" has "turned their back" on Nancy is because they didn't have the courage to explain to her that they felt encroached upon. She must be told. Doing so is not selfish; it will prevent your resentment from building to the point where Nancy is rejected once again. Explain as kindly as possible that although she's welcome to accompany you on some occasions, you need time alone with your family. It's the truth -- and saying so shouldn't make you feel guilty because you're not excommunicating her; you're creating healthy boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you printed a letter to grandmothers from "Your Son's Wife." I saved that letter. It is as appropriate today as it was then. Please print it again. My in-laws need to see it. Thank you. -- ANOTHER SON'S WIFE IN IOWA

DEAR WIFE: You're welcome. Read on:

DEAR GRANDMOTHERS: Please don't play favorites. If you buy a gift for your daughter's children, please buy something of equal value for your son's children. These children are cousins, and cousins play together. When they see the expensive toys, books and clothing that Grandma has given their cousins, they become jealous because Grandma has never given them such grand gifts. She gives them cheap little trinkets -- or nothing at all.

I am the mother of the children who receive very little from Grandma. I have looked into the sad eyes of my children when we visit their cousins who have been showered with expensive gifts from Grandma. It is always the daughter's children who are favored. I have friends who are in exactly the same situation, so I know I'm not imagining this.

I realize some grandmothers are fair to all their grandchildren, but I am sorry to say that they are the exception.

I hope this letter will cause the grandmothers who are guilty of this kind of favoritism to change their ways. Most children don't "need" anything -- but they are hurt when their cousins always get the peaches and they get the pits.

Thanks for listening. -- YOUR SON'S WIFE

DEAR ABBY: Until now, I never believed in psychics or receiving "visions" while sleeping, but I had a dream before the presidential election that the winner would have six letters in his first name and four letters in his last.

Dreams really DO come true! (I wish I'd put a bet on it.) -- JACK ANSPACH, VIRGINIA BEACH

DEAR JACK: This time you had a surefire winner. However, when it comes to betting, it's better to do it with your eyes open.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: May I offer some words of advice for those who make it easy pickings for burglars? Stealing during the holidays is like taking candy from a baby. Most homes display lovely gift packages under Christmas trees. If no precautions are taken, homes become a "marketplace" from which thieves can "shop" with impunity. It is also a time when stores are teeming with careless, unsuspecting shoppers who are stressed out looking for last-minute gifts, and rushing around trying to get everything done. Pickpockets and muggers delight in how easy it is to rob shoppers during the holiday season.

Abby, I would like to provide your readers with some tips to help them avoid becoming victims this holiday season:

-- Thieves hate bright lights, so install outside lights and keep them on at night. If you plan to be away, purchase timers for your indoor lights and set them to make it appear that someone is at home. (Lights left on 24 hours a day are a dead giveaway that the house is empty.)

-- Be sure to have your mail and newspaper delivery halted until you return. If it piles up, it's a sure sign that you're not there.

-- Leave curtains, shades and blinds in the normal position.

-- Be certain door and window locks are in working order -- AND USE THEM.

-- Do not leave blinds or curtains open so that one peek in the window reveals piles of gifts under the tree -- or elsewhere. Allowing thieves to see the gifts is like extending an invitation.

-- Going out for the evening? Turn on some lights, as well as your radio or television. It will make your dwelling appear to be occupied.

-- Beware of couriers delivering packages. Criminals sometimes use that ruse to get a look inside, or if you appear to be alone, to force their way in. Thieves also pose as agents seeking charitable donations. Always ask for identification, ask to see permits, and also ask how the funds will be used.

-- When shopping, be alert and aware of what's going on around you.

-- Park in a lighted garage or lot, and be sure your path to the store is well-lighted. Familiarize yourself with your parking location so you needn't wander around looking for your car when you return. Be sure to place all packages in the trunk of your car and lock your car.

-- Avoid carrying large amounts of cash. Pay by credit card or check. To deter pickpockets and purse snatchers, don't overburden yourself with packages. Carry your purse close to your body, securely closed and not dangling by the straps. Men, carry your wallet in an inside pocket or in your front pants pocket.

-- Teach your children to go to a store clerk or security guard if they become separated from you. And if you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to ask a security guard to escort you to your car.

-- A final warning: Be sure your valuables are inventoried and marked. That way, if thieves succeed in robbing you, you have proof of loss and will be able to identify and claim your stolen items should they be recovered.

Happy, safe holidays to you and your readers, Abby. -- "OFFICER KRUPKE," NEW YORK CITY

DEAR "OFFICER KRUPKE":

I think you are great.

Although your letter left me

in a much-saddened state.

I pray that your warnings

aren't taken as quips.

Thank you for your important tips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)