DEAR ABBY: In the continuing saga of how men are different from women, let me share this with you.

Peter, my significant other, was involved in a men's counseling group. One of the topics about which they were to report back during their next meeting was "What Women Want From Men in Their Relationships." Members of the group discussed reading the "Women Seeking Men" personal ads to get a better understanding of what women want. (Pretty ingenious if you think about it!)

I told Peter he should do some home study and ask me. I explained that women need to feel loved, wanted, beautiful and needed by their partner. I was in the only bathroom of our home putting the finishing touches on my face, and I asked Peter if he thought he had recently met these qualities in our relationship.

His clever reply was: "I LOVED you last night. I WANTED you to make coffee this morning. You look BEAUTIFUL today -- and I NEED you to get out of the bathroom RIGHT NOW!"

May I add that one important quality women need from men in a relationship is HUMOR. Humor makes anything possible -- and I thank the Lord that my darling has it in abundance. -- SUSAN IN SANTA FE, N.M.

DEAR SUSAN: Peter got his message across, so he is a skilled communicator. And because he's in a counseling group, it's apparent he's interested in personal growth. I think you've found a "keeper."

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter, "Amber," stays home one or two hours by herself after school until I return home from work. She has rules to go by; however, she has been known to break them.

Amber answers the door when she shouldn't and leaves the door unlocked. She doesn't take seriously the bad things that can happen to her.

I have an idea that may put her in touch with reality. I'm thinking of asking a male friend to go to my house and knock on the door -- which I know Amber will answer. At that time, my friend would pretend to be a pushy salesman. He would insist on coming into the house and waiting for her mother. That's as far as I've gotten.

Is this a bad idea? I don't want to scare her into having nightmares, but I want her to know how important it is to be wary of strangers and to follow the rules. -- CONCERNED KNOXVILLE MOM

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes, it's a bad idea. I know it's tempting, but such a ruse would be dishonest and potentially traumatizing. When your daughter discovers you play "tricks," it might give her a false sense of security. Also, your credibility would be damaged for years to come, and your daughter would always wonder what kind of trick you would pull next -- and I wouldn't blame her.

DEAR ABBY: If you think your husband is cheating with another woman, do you think it's all right for the wife to ask the woman if she's having an affair with her husband? -- WIFE OF A WANDERING HUSBAND

DEAR WIFE: Absolutely. And who knows? She may be delighted to give you chapter and verse.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid Ul-Fitr.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I always knew your column was powerful, but perhaps you'd like to hear just how effective it can be. Your October mention of our end-of-life planning kit flooded our offices with 50,000 orders, and they're still coming in! The notes with the orders show how much this idea has clicked with the public:

"Just what I need to get organized."

"I've put this off for a long time. I knew it was meant for me."

"I love this idea. Please send 20 more. Everyone in my family is getting one."

"The refrigerator is one place I'm sure my family will find it."

But we're suffering from success -- and I'm not sure which word to emphasize. We had expected perhaps 10,000 orders -- not five times as many. We're shipping the kits as fast as our volunteers can assemble them. Our crews work night and day, seven days a week. Now the folks whose orders haven't been shipped are complaining. As one senior put it, "Time gallops for us." Several people have even wondered if we're "another senior rip-off."

Please let your readers know that we won't cash their check or charge their credit card until we're ready to ship their order. And further, we will be most grateful for their patience in the meantime. Thank you! -- LISA CARLSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, FUNERAL CONSUMERS ALLIANCE INC.

DEAR LISA: First, let me vouch for the fact that the Funeral Consumers Alliance is on the up-and-up. You have been a trusted source of information about the funeral industry for years, and it has always been a pleasure talking with you.

Second: On one hand, I'm sorry you have been "buried" with orders, and on the other, I'm very pleased. I am sure that once the readers who ordered kits receive them, they will prove to be useful.

Third: You need some more help in filling those orders! If you've run out of volunteers, consider hiring some temps. We both work in the service of others -- and there are important needs to be met.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants me to start my own business because he hates paying the government four months of his salary. I don't think I'm cut out to be a businesswoman. How can I stop him from hassling me about it? -- NOT AN ENTREPRENEUR IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT: What makes your husband think business owners need not pay a fair share of taxes to the government? Starting your own business would not excuse you (and him) from that responsibility.

Visit the nearest Small Business Administration office (it is listed in the phone book) and obtain guidelines for small businesses. Then show your husband how much tax responsibility a business owner must shoulder.

Also make a list of the benefits he reaps as a taxpayer, such as good highways, Social Security, education, fire- fighting, police protection, military readiness to ensure our freedom, etc. Your husband seems to be a person who takes these benefits for granted. Perhaps your research and the list will clue your husband in to the facts of life.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS OF AFRICAN HERITAGE: Have a joyous Kwanzaa.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share an experience that proves the truth of two facts: 1. Don't judge a book by its cover. 2. Young people are great human beings.

Driving home from the hospital after undergoing several cardiovascular tests, I found myself on the freeway in the middle of rush hour. The traffic was terrible. A car in the next lane began honking its horn. I looked over and saw three young women pointing at me. They yelled that my right rear tire was flat. I was a bit suspicious because the girls were wearing earrings in all sorts of places where one doesn't normally wear them, and one girl had bleached "spiked" hair. They appeared rather unsavory.

With some apprehension, I moved to the right lane and exited the freeway. The young women followed me to a nearby gas station. Once I saw my tire was indeed flat, I knew I needed help. I looked around for a pay phone, but couldn't find one. The three young women checked my tire and determined that there were no obvious holes or punctures. They refilled it with air, tested it, and assured me it would probably be OK until I could get to the dealership where the tire had been purchased.

Throughout the entire scenario, they were friendly, courteous and extremely helpful. I was dumbfounded, feeling more than a little guilty for my preconceived ideas about them. They said they had followed me from the time I had gotten on the freeway, trying to catch up to me so they could warn me about my tire. I offered them money; they wouldn't hear of it.

We often hear about the misdeeds of a few disturbed young people. It's time more people spoke up about the good things young people do. -- BARBARA P., DANA POINT, CALIF.

DEAR BARBARA: I agree. The majority of today's teens are intelligent, motivated to succeed and concerned about their future. Anyone who is tempted to put them down as a group should read the following quote, attributed to Socrates, from the fifth century B.C. It shows that complaining about the younger generation is nothing new:

"Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders, and love chatter in places of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers."

It proves the truth of another saying: "The more things change, the more they remain the same."

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two years. Prior to our marriage we both agreed not to have children. I have changed my mind and would like to have a child. However, my husband has not changed his mind and feels very strongly about his decision. He believes he would be a good father, but he does not want the stress of raising a child.

I feel that if I do not have a child because he doesn't want one, I'll always feel resentful. A friend of mine told me to go off birth control, get pregnant, and he would be fine once the baby was here. I feel that would be dishonest and unfair -- but what about my feelings and needs? -- EXTREMELY CONFUSED, WHITEHALL, PA.

DEAR CONFUSED: I couldn't disagree more strongly with your friend's advice. (And what would happen to your marriage if your husband wasn't "fine" once the baby was born?)

You and your husband are overdue for some serious marital counseling. If he refuses to come around, you may be married to the wrong man.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)