DEAR ABBY: I have read with interest the letters about bullies. They brought back the memory of an experience I had with our class bully. He wasn't too smart and had not been promoted. Therefore, he was older and larger than the other boys in our class. He made up for lack of self-worth by bullying the other boys.

In front of our school was a steep hill. To keep students from falling down the hill, a metal fence had been installed at the top. There was a large metal pipe on top of the fence, and we often sat on the pipe as we ate our lunch.

One day, as I was sitting on the fence, the bully walked over with a big smile on his face. He said, "I'm going to shove you off that fence and watch you tumble down the hill."

Before I could say anything, he pushed me. In desperation, I grabbed him, and as I fell off the fence I pulled him with me. He hit the ground first and I landed on top of him. As we slid down the steep hill, I rode him like he was a sled. By the time we had reached the bottom of the hill, his shirt was almost torn off and he was scratched all over.

He continued to bully some of the other boys, but he never bullied me again. In fact, he tried to avoid me. -- MANSFIELD LATIMER, ROCK HILL, S.C.

DEAR MANSFIELD: The bully may have been a little slow, but on that day, he learned about the law of gravity.

DEAR ABBY: Excuse me, but did I miss something in the letter from "Cost-Conscious in San Francisco"? Why in the name of holy matrimony is he worried about the RESALE value of a diamond engagement ring? Is he planning to sell it or pawn it in the future? Does he expect to get it back in the event of a divorce? Does he think he will need the money for his retirement? What is this guy thinking? Hello?

An engagement ring is not a financial investment! It is an emotional investment in a lifetime relationship. If this guy is worrying about the cost of an engagement ring because he thinks the marriage won't last, then he should not be getting married in the first place.

Had he said he wanted to be nontraditional and choose another kind of ring, well -- OK. But in that case, he should have signed his letter, "Already Married to My Portfolio in San Francisco." -- DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER IN DALLAS

DEAR DIAMONDS: While many readers agreed with you, I think you -- and they -- are being unnecessarily hard on the guy. According to Dawn Moore, West Coast director of sales for Harry Winston Jewelers, his question is one that many men ask. Any way you cut it -- round, emerald or pear-shaped -- a diamond is a sizable investment. It's not unusual to experience some insecurity when buying something you know nothing about. Wise shoppers want to be educated so they are not taken advantage of.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. I received a thank-you note for a wedding gift, but was thanked for the wrong gift. Should I write and tell them about the mix-up? They do not live close, so I will not be seeing them. -- WONDERING IN WEST BRANCH, IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: You should definitely write -- or call -- and explain the mix-up. Believe me, you'll be doing the newlyweds a favor. If you don't, someone else will also be thanked for the wrong gift.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: First, thank you for providing years of excellent advice and comfort to the American people. I must, however, take exception to your response to "Never Been Hit Before," whose wife slugged him in the jaw while he was driving on the freeway. I am a psychotherapist. There are some important things to know about domestic violence:

The abused husband should know that the situation will escalate. The type of anger she displayed is never about the issue. This is about the release of pent-up anxiety in the abuser. The abuse will escalate because it takes more and more anger and violence to get the abuser to the physical release she needs. Think of cocaine and how the "high" keeps demanding larger and larger doses of the drug, and you get the picture. That is why we call such people "rageaholics."

The most probable reason the wife stopped going to anger management classes is that, like most abusers, she doesn't WANT to change. She has what she wants -- a victim upon whom to focus her rage in order to get release. That is why so many abusers cry and feel loving toward their victims afterward. They are not remorseful, but momentarily grateful for the short-lived end of their own terrible anxiety, most often caused by feeling insecure and out-of-control about their own lives. They will use their victims again and again when the anxiety returns.

Abuse of this sort is an addiction. The children are being emotionally harmed every time they see and hear their father abused. He should gather them up and leave, or make sure that his wife does -- without the children. Neither he nor his children are safe. What is to prevent her from driving her family into oncoming traffic next time, picking up a weapon, or in his absence abusing the children when she needs to feel in control again?

The loss of her husband, children and home might convince her to give up her addiction. Even then, however, there are no guarantees.

All we as professionals can do is attend to the safety of the rest of the family. The husband is obviously capable of making changes and must be urged to do so -- not given the job of being his wife's therapist by explaining her challenges to her. It could trigger the next outburst of violence.

Please rethink your advice to this man, Abby. He's in a dangerous spot and must get out. -- CYNTHIA MORROW, PSY.D.

DEAR DR. MORROW: Thank you for your letter, a short course, really, on why batterers do what they do. I received a stack of mail critical of the advice I gave to "Never Been Hit Before" -- and it was deserved. Mea culpa. "Never" needs to seek professional help, both legal and psychological, before his wife's outbursts further traumatize him and their children, and I hope he wastes no time in getting it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 10 and in the fifth grade. She's begging me to let her shave her legs. I know a few girls on her basketball team shave, but I think it's ridiculous for a girl her age.

I believe 10-year-old girls are supposed to have hair on their legs. My girlfriend disagrees. She says if my daughter is uncomfortable with her appearance, I should let her shave. Should I relent? -- MOTHER UNDER PRESSURE

DEAR MOTHER: I see no reason to refuse your daughter permission. Girls her age want to blend in, and if shaving her legs will help her to do that, then I vote with your girlfriend.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Double Victim in Indiana" compared the events of Sept. 11 to a rape. My daughter Kelly, who is 24, had the same feeling and wrote a poem expressing it. It was published in our local paper. I thought you might like to share it with your readers. -- SHEILA PHILLIPS, PROUD MOM, QUOGUE, N.Y.

DEAR SHEILA: You have every right to be proud. Your daughter's poem is a knockout, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers. Read on:

A BRIGHT, SUNNY DAY

by Kelly Phillips

Is it a bright, sunny day with freedom in the air

That fosters pure fright, forcing people to stare

Up in the sky and only to see

An epidemic of evil raping you and me?

Tell me, what is the beauty of a bright, sunny day

When hatred erupts in a toxic display

Of blood and bones, of steel and stones,

Of blackest black, of screams and moans?

And so I say, let it rain a relentless pour.

Let humanity find a way not to ignore

This shameful show of cowardice from the weak,

And return to the honor and the normalcy we seek.

Yes, let it rain.

Let the souls cry of those from wars past,

Free their tears from the sky.

Let them weep and cleanse us from such sordid dismay

So we may once again appreciate

A bright, sunny day.

DEAR ABBY: As we struggle with the emotional impact of the large-scale damage and loss of life, and the feelings of uncertainty following the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C., we must be aware that stressful times can be particularly difficult for people who are vulnerable to substance abuse or recovering from addiction.

Research and clinical experience have demonstrated that high levels of stress can lead individuals to turn to drugs, alcohol or tobacco in an attempt to alleviate their anxiety. Stress is one of the most powerful triggers for relapses in recovering addicts, even after long periods of abstinence.

We must all be attentive to how we, our family, friends and colleagues are responding to these tragic events. We must be alert to increases in substance abuse and seek professional help, and encourage others to do the same if it's needed.

Information about the prevention and treatment of drug abuse can be found on the National Institute on Drug Abuse Web site at www.drugabuse.gov. -- ALAN I. LESHNER, PH.D., DIRECTOR, NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON DRUG ABUSE

DEAR DR. LESHNER: Thank you for the information. I'm printing your letter to alert my readers that stress can lead to "bingeing" behavior that includes sex and food, as well as substance abuse.

So what's a person to do in an effort to cope with stress? Recognize when you need help and locate a support group, begin a program of regular cardiovascular exercise, yoga or meditation, associate with positive people, and volunteer your free time to better the lives of those less fortunate in your local communities. All these are HEALTHY ways to banish stress and take your mind off your troubles. (And yes, everyone backslides now and then; the solution is to forgive yourself, re-dedicate yourself to your goal and move forward.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)