DEAR ABBY: We've all heard the statement, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk." My question is this: To what extent should a friend go in order to prevent someone from driving drunk?

I am a 6-foot guy who is in good shape. I'm sure I could prevent anyone from getting behind the wheel, but let's just say it could get ugly.

With all the danger and devastation that could result from drunk drivers, is it reasonable to use physical force to stop them -- or should one's protests end at a verbal level?

Thanks in advance for setting me straight, Abby. I want to do the right thing. -- ERIC IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ERIC: In the past I have advised concerned friends to "do whatever it takes" to prevent an obviously drunk person from getting behind the wheel.

But in 1999 a reader did me one better. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: ... Twice I have had to take car keys from drunken friends who insisted they could drive ... later, they both thanked me.

On another occasion, I tricked a large male friend (who was almost too drunk to stand) by switching his keys for mine. I simply said, "Hey, you've got the wrong keys," holding out mine and grabbing his. Abby, he bought it -- and when he couldn't get his car started, he just slept it off behind the wheel of his car, which was parked in my driveway. Later, upon reflection, he realized what he'd done and thanked me profusely for "saving a few lives that night." (It's been more than four years and he hasn't touched a drop since.)

The point is: ANYTHING is better than a drunk driver on the streets or highways. Do whatever it takes -- remember, one intoxicated person is usually no match for two or more sober ones. You can outwit them -- or you can use force if necessary. Everyone I have mentioned in this letter was at least twice my size. I'm female, 5 feet, 2 inches and weigh less than 100 pounds. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, AND I'LL KEEP DOING IT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I admire your gutsiness and ingenuity in switching car keys with your drunken male friend. However, knowing how unpredictable a person under the influence can be, I would never recommend using force to dissuade someone from driving, because it could provoke violence. It's deplorable, but I've seen it happen.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 years old, a single mother of three kids, and I have been dating one guy exclusively for about five years. We live together in a house he inherited from his grandmother.

Every time his mother comes into town, he asks my kids and me to pack up all our stuff and leave until she's gone. He says it's because his mother doesn't want us to live together until we're married and that she was raised in this house. What do you think? -- PUT OUT IN PHOENIX

DEAR PUT OUT: I think after five years, it's time you stopped clinging to this fully grown boy and found a man who is marriage-minded. His insistence that you take the children and move out when his mother comes to town means he's unwilling or unable to stand up to her disapproval.

Children need stability. Being uprooted every time this woman visits cannot be good for them emotionally. Please understand that this is only a sample of what your future holds, if at any point you and this man marry. His mother's approval will always come before the welfare of you and your children.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old and a freshman in college. I have been dating my girlfriend "Holly" for about eight months.

My roommate is also friends with Holly, and that is the problem. He treats Holly like she is a princess and gives her extravagant gifts, sometimes for no reason at all. This irritates me because it makes me look like a terrible boyfriend.

I cannot approach him about it since he is my roommate, and I have to live with him for the rest of the year. Holly realizes that it irritates me, but I can't have her say anything because then it would be extremely weird whenever she comes to visit -- even more than it is now.

How should I handle this? -- CONFUSED IN CLEMSON, S.C.

DEAR CONFUSED: You must speak up. For your roommate to buy expensive gifts for Holly, knowing she is your girlfriend, is inappropriate. (If you and Holly break up -- THAT'S the time he should make his move, but not now.)

For Holly to accept those gifts is insensitive. You're certainly within your rights to let them both know this bothers you. And there's no time like the present to make your roommate aware of your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her yearly mammogram and we are grateful it came out OK.

I asked my wife if she continues to check her breasts between the mammograms. Her response was yes, but that she wasn't quite sure what to look for. Her physician told her, "You will know it when you find it." I am not sure this was a clear enough answer.

Why don't doctors have on hand one synthetic breast WITH a lump and one WITHOUT to enable the patient to know exactly what she is looking for? In my opinion, it would be a good idea for men also to be taught what to look for in the male breast.

I could suggest this to the medical profession, but I am afraid it wouldn't get the attention it deserves. Your column is a better way to get the word out. -- JOHN COLOMBE, INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR JOHN: I believe you've hit on something. I'm pleased to spread the word.

While not all women's breasts feel the same, a model with various sized "lumps" could be a lifesaver for a lot of people -- men included. Many men are not aware that they, too, can have breast cancer. Although it is less common in men, there is definitely a risk for males too.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Surprised Wife in Oklahoma City," whose son had asked for his deceased father's military records. The widow was shocked to discover they contained a reference to her husband having been before a board of inquiry for striking an officer. She said her husband had never mentioned it to her or his family because it would have been a "disgrace."

Abby, I see no disgrace here. The function of a court of inquiry is to inquire into a situation and determine whether any legal action is appropriate. Since there is no mention of a military trial in her husband's records, the court of inquiry must have determined that her husband did nothing deserving of punishment.

The Army's opinion of her husband was expressed in the wording on his honorable discharge certificate "awarded as a testimonial of honest and faithful service." If it's good enough for the military, it should be good enough for her and her son. -- DICK SCHUBERT, DENVER

DEAR DICK: Thank you for the short course on the military legal system. I'm sure it will comfort the widow who wrote that letter.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

EDITORS: The e-mail address at the end of the column is cq.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter concerning the cruelty of abandoning pets. The following is a true story of what can happen:

My sister-in-law's family acquired a darling black-and-white fuzzy puppy that grew into a big, shaggy mess. I'm sorry to say the poor dog was taken into the country and dumped by the side of the road. Our little niece loved that dog and mourned for her "Bootsie" for some time.

Several months later, my sister-in-law overheard her daughter on the front porch asking excitedly, "Bootsie! Where have you been all this time?" Yes, it took a few months, but Bootsie found his way back home. I like to think my sister-in-law and her husband learned their lesson.

The kindest thing you can do for a pet you can no longer keep is to take it to your local humane society or animal shelter. In this case, Bootsie beat the odds -- many pets don't. Dumping an animal at the side of the road is almost always a sure and painful death. -- AUNT IN SONOMA, CALIF.

DEAR AUNT: Dumping animals is also against the law in the state of California. Please inform your sister-in-law. It could mean the difference between life and death for Bootsie, should the parents repeat their "solution" for getting rid of Bootsie. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the letter from "Pet Lover in Tenino, Wash.," regarding the tragedy of abandoned pets. The senseless act of disposing of a pet by throwing it into the street creates many victims, including thousands of drivers who are involved in accidents because they strike an animal or swerve to avoid one, those who must remove the injured or dead bodies from busy highways and freeways, those who give up much of their personal lives to become "rescuers," and those who find these terrified and starving creatures in their yard or neighborhood and must take them to the shelter. In the meantime, the owner goes merrily on, without remorse or regret.

Your readers may be pleased to know about S.B. 237, which became law in California in September 2001 and provides for road signs to be placed at the state line on all major highways entering California, warning of the misdemeanor and penalty of up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for abandoning any animal -- including reptiles and exotic animals.

S.B. 237 also provides that this information will be printed in the California Department of Motor Vehicles "Handbook for Drivers" in five languages (English, Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese and Tagalog) and will be included as a question in at least 20 percent of California drivers' tests.

We hope that S.B. 237 will serve as model legislation for other states; and, as sponsor of the bill, I would be pleased to work with anyone who wants to pass similar legislation. -- PHYLLIS M. DAUGHTERY, DIRECTOR, ANIMAL ISSUES MOVEMENT, LOS ANGELES

DEAR PHYLLIS: My heartfelt congratulations for a job well done, one that's just beginning. Thank you very much for your letter and for offering to help animal activists nationwide to draft similar legislation in the other 49 states. Although it may be difficult to enforce, I hope it serves as a deterrent.

Readers interested in more information should write the Animal Issues Movement, 420 N. Bonnie Brae, Los Angeles, CA 90026, or write via e-mail to animalissu(at)aol.com.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)