DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband was promoted, but it required our relocating to another state. Our daughter, "Alicia," is an honor student and involved in many activities. Because she's a junior in high school, she was reluctant to change schools in the middle of the year. My mother-in-law, "Claire," lives in the same school district, and offered to let Alicia live with her after we moved. Alicia and Claire are close, and my husband and I thought it was a good plan.

Last week, we flew in to surprise Alicia at her "sweet 16" birthday party. We were shocked to see our daughter answer the door smoking a cigarette. Alicia admits that after we moved, she was curious about smoking and asked Claire (a pack-a-day smoker) for a cigarette. Claire has been buying Alicia cigarettes ever since. (Claire says she doesn't like to smoke alone.)

Abby, I don't know who is more to blame -- Alicia for starting to smoke, or Claire for encouraging it. I am ready to take Alicia back with us, but my husband disagrees. He says while she made a foolish mistake to start smoking, Alicia is no longer a baby and should be able to make her own decisions -- even if they are bad. I admit I used to smoke as a teen-ager, but it took me 20 years to quit. I don't want my daughter to have the same struggle. Any suggestions? -- CLEARING THE AIR IN NEW YORK

DEAR CLEARING THE AIR: Your daughter isn't the only teen-ager to try smoking. What's unusual is that her smoking was encouraged by her grandmother. You are right to be concerned about her grandmother's poor judgment.

However, I see no reason to panic. I urge you and your husband to have a long talk with Alicia and Claire -- set some specific ground rules -- and then allow your daughter to finish her junior year living with her grandmother. You can revisit the question of her accommodations for her senior year during the summer.

P.S. Contact the American Cancer Society and ask them to send the facts and information about the health dangers of smoking to BOTH Alicia and Claire. They could use some education.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt and Mad in Okemos, Mich." asked you about taking legal action against a former boyfriend who had given her a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Her gynecologist had told her that the STD could cause cancer. You advised her to see an attorney.

Here's another piece of advice: She and her ex-boyfriend should have their heads examined! Twenty years into the AIDS pandemic, people engaging in unprotected sex with someone whose sexual history and health status they do not know as well as their own risk far more than an infection that might lead to cancer. And yes, that applies equally to those who engage in "serial monogamy" (being faithful to a series of partners, one at a time).

Although "Hurt and Mad" did not say whether she and her ex had engaged in sex under the influence of alcohol or drugs, too many people still do. Abby, PLEASE remind your readers that this practice increases risks for unplanned and unprotected sex, unwanted pregnancy, hepatitis, HIV/AIDS and other STDs. -- RODGER L. BEATTY, Ph.D., PRESIDENT, NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF LESBIAN AND GAY ADDICTION PROFESSIONALS

DEAR DR. BEATTY: You're right. You put it short and sweet, and that's why I'm printing your letter.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: During the past 50 years, my handsome and loving 83-year-old brother has been married and divorced eight times -- maybe more. Between marriages he has lived with a number of women off and on.

Now he has made yet another conquest. After knowing a woman in her 70s for only three weeks, they tied the knot. I don't know how it's possible to fall in love that fast; I guess some people do. However, now my brother wants me to meet his "bride" and prepare a fancy dinner in their honor.

I have flatly refused. I have no desire to meet another of his brides and make a big to-do about it. What do you think, Abby? Am I wrong? I am 84 and can't take any more of this nonsense. -- HAD ENOUGH IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: You're not wrong. I don't know how many of these wedding celebrations you have hosted for your brother, but at this point I think you should be a guest at THEIR wedding banquet. And tell your brother I said so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new father to my precious 13-month-old baby girl.

My 76-year-old grandma (my daughter's great-grandmother) helps us frequently by baby sitting, but doesn't like being stuck indoors for hours at a time. My mother just told me that Grandma is buying an infant car seat so that she can drive the baby around town.

Abby, the thought of my grandma behind the wheel makes me uncomfortable. I know I must say something, but she is one headstrong lady and won't like what she's hearing.

The bond between my daughter and her great-grandma is wonderful, so another sitter is out of the question. What is the best approach to all of this, Abby? Please respond quickly. -- PROTECTIVE NEW DAD, SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEW DAD: Seventy-six isn't necessarily over the hill. However, if you have any doubts about your grandmother's ability to drive safely with your child in the car, you MUST assert your parental responsibility and protect your child. There is no way to sugar-coat it.

DEAR ABBY: Please inform your readers that the American Association of Poison Control Centers has recently launched a new national toll-free telephone hotline for poison emergencies 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- 1-800-222-1222.

The poison center can answer questions about household products, chemicals at work or in the environment, drugs (prescriptions, over-the-counter, herbal, illegal or animal medicines), snake bites, spider bites, plants and mushrooms.

More than 70 percent of poisonings are preventable. Readers can also call the hotline for poison prevention information and for stickers to post the new hotline number in their homes. Having the poison emergency number handy can save a life. -- LINDA B. KALIN, AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF POISON CONTROL CENTERS

DEAR LINDA: Thank you for sharing this important information. Your letter is a "keeper."

Readers, no matter what your location is, this one number will connect you to lifesaving advice and helpful information from your nearest poison center. All services are free, confidential and available for the hearing-impaired and for those who do not speak English as a first language.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed reading about all the random acts of kindness in your column. I recall one from many years ago.

I was a teen-aged recruit in the U.S. Army, stationed on a large rural sheep ranch near Pomona, Calif., prior to being sent overseas during World War II. We men slept in tents, ate from field kitchens, and washed, shaved and bathed out of our Army helmets.

I read in the local newspaper that the Hollywood Canteen was throwing a big party and dance for the servicemen. Since I had that weekend off, I dressed in full uniform, jumped into an Army supply truck and headed for Pomona. From there, I hitchhiked to Los Angeles and the Hollywood Canteen.

The party was a huge success. However, finding shelter for the evening was next to impossible at any price during the war years. After the gala event was over, I was dozing on a chair when I was awakened by a petite elderly lady who said she was the mother of the actor Cesar Romero, and if I hurried she would get me a place to sleep that night. An auto awaited, and with two other servicemen I was driven to Beverly Hills. A secretary greeted us at the residence and directed us up the huge spiral staircase and into one of the five bedrooms available.

Abby, we were in the home of the movie actor and art collector Edward G. Robinson! He had turned over his home to the USO while he was in New York.

I retired to a huge bed and had a good night's sleep. In the morning, a knock on my door informed me that breakfast was ready -- and what a breakfast it was!

I left a thank-you note in Mr. Robinson's study and soon was on my way back to camp.

Through the years I have watched Edward G. Robinson's classic films on television, and I will never forget the generosity of that great film star. -- REMINISCING IN RENO

DEAR REMINISCING: Old movie buffs will love your letter. To borrow a phrase from Bob Hope, another great star who did his share to entertain the servicemen during World War II and other wars and conflicts, "Thanks for the memories."

DEAR ABBY: I have been married four times. My second husband, "Mike," and I are close friends. I hurt him terribly when I left him for a younger man 16 years ago.

About a year after my fourth divorce, Mike contacted me and we met for lunch. We have been best friends ever since. He does not date -- and sometimes I think he is still in love with me. However, I cannot get past what happened between us even though it was all my fault.

Abby, do you think it is healthy to be so close to someone you were once married to? I don't see how we could ever reconcile, but I love spending time with Mike and would hate to lose our closeness. -- MARY IN ARIZONA

DEAR MARY: I see nothing wrong with having a friendship with a former spouse as long as no one is hurt in the process. As for a reconciliation -- never say "never." Stranger things have happened.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "BURNING DESIRE": "Six essential qualities that are the key to success: sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity." (Dr. William Menninger)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)