DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Disillusioned American," who interceded when he saw a man in his 60s chastise a young couple for speaking a foreign language outside a Kmart. You called it an example of xenophobia.

I do not share either the opinion of "Disillusioned" or you regarding people who refuse to learn English or at least speak it in public. There are two Spanish-language TV networks in this country. Tell me another country that allows foreign language channels to operate, contributing to the fragmentation of that country. -- LAWRENCE IN AVON PARK, FLA.

DEAR LAWRENCE: Cable Network News (CNN) is an English-language network that is broadcast in more than 210 countries and territories in English. (In fact, someone recently told me she had seen me on "Larry King Live" while she was in Beijing -- obviously not a nation that uses English as its primary language.)

DEAR ABBY: I am proud of being not only American, but a Chinese American. I was raised bilingually and biculturally. Other than my Asian features, most people would be hard-pressed to find anything "un-American" about me.

However, occasional racist remarks are still thrown at me for no other reason than my appearance. Fortunately, that type of bigotry is fading, but comments and actions like that man experienced at Kmart are common and should be stopped. White Americans should be sensitive about any treatment of nonwhite Americans as different.

For example, I am frequently asked where I am from. When I answer "Pittsburgh" (where I was born and raised), the response I often get is, "No, where are you REALLY from?" as if I couldn't be from America. I know people are curious about my heritage, but Caucasians (even ones with accents) are not treated thus, so why are those of us with Asian features, but nonaccented English, treated this way? -- PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN

DEAR PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN: Don't be so quick to assume that Caucasians with accents are not also asked where they are from. In this country, anyone with an accent is considered "exotic" -- and as such, inspires curiosity. When people are curious, they ask questions. I know I'm right, because I have been guilty of it.

DEAR ABBY: I came to this country 20 years ago and attended college in the Midwest. I have also been accosted by such "patriots" on campus, in restaurants, and wherever I happened to be having a conversation in my language. My appearance does not give people any clue that I am not a "red-blooded American." I speak perfect, unaccented English, in addition to other languages, and I know there are many people like me.

Because I choose to speak another language does not mean I don't know English. I find it fascinating that Americans, when in other countries, expect people to accommodate their language needs, but do not afford the same courtesy to people who come to this country. -- THERESA B., HOUSTON

DEAR THERESA: Interesting point. And it's a good reason why American students should learn at least one foreign language. Our world is shrinking, and it doesn't revolve around us.

DEAR ABBY: If that gentleman wants to be politically correct, perhaps he should be speaking an American Indian dialect, since the Indians were here first and the Pilgrim fathers changed the language. (Only joking!) -- SALLY IN WILLOW GROVE, PA.

DEAR SALLY: Mini-ha-ha!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school. I dated this great guy for more than a year. He broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, and he's already seeing another girl. I know I will get over this -- but it's just so hard.

I have a class with him, and it hurts me to see him every day. I want to get over him, but how? I want this hurt to go away. He was my everything. I gave him my all. And now I don't have him. I have no one to turn to. What am I supposed to do? -- DEPRESSED ON THE DELTA

DEAR DEPRESSED: Recognize that seeing him every day in class makes getting over him more difficult. At the end of the quarter or semester, ask your teacher or school counselor to transfer you into a different class.

Keep busy. Don't give yourself time to brood. Join school clubs and activities. Get a part-time job. Expand your social circle. And remember above all that before you find Prince Charming, you'll kiss a few frogs. This, too, shall pass.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from Thelma King Thiel of the Hepatitis Foundation International caught my attention. Hepatitis C is, indeed, a dreadful disease. However, Mrs. Thiel failed to mention (as you did) that the great majority of hepatitis C sufferers contracted it from contaminated blood transfusions prior to 1990. Before then, there were no tests to isolate hepatitis C.

Stating that people contract this disease because of drug use or sexual contact stigmatizes a great number of people. Hepatitis C victims include doctors, lawyers -- people from all walks of life -- who have NOT used dirty needles. Please set the record straight. -- CAROLYN IN ARLINGTON, VA.

DEAR CAROLYN: I have received a stack of angry letters and e-mails pointing out this omission. Mrs. Thiel reports that she, too, has received letters and phone calls because of her oversight. My apologies to my readers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried. I think my niece is abusing her 19-month-old son. I went trick-or-treating with them, and saw my niece repeatedly pick him up by one arm and yank him up the front steps of houses. She also scolded him for not walking fast enough and kept him out until the very end of the evening. The child was completely exhausted and crying before his mother would call it a night.

My niece is stubborn and difficult to approach with suggestions. How can I approach her tactfully? I need to know exactly what words to use so she doesn't get mad and reject the idea. Please help. -- FEARFUL AUNT IN CARNEGIE, PA.

DEAR FEARFUL AUNT: Schedule a quiet visit with her -- perhaps a luncheon away from the house and baby. Tell her that you love her and are speaking not critically, but out of concern for her -- and give her a book on child development. It appears she's expecting too much too soon from her little boy. It would be a kindness -- and no one can fault you for being concerned.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time, you publish humorous pieces in your column. I hope you and your readers will enjoy this one:

At the wake, the woman told her priest that ever since she was a child, she and her father had discussed life after death. They had agreed that whoever went first would try to contact the other. They had discussed it again only two weeks before his death.

He died in her home, and a few hours later, the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there for 28 years and it had never gone off before. She didn't know how to stop it and had to call the security company that had installed it.

The next morning, the smoke alarm sounded again -- and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, "OK, Dad, I missed the signal yesterday, but I've got it now. Thanks for letting me know you're safe on the other side. Now turn the darn thing off so I don't have to call the security company again!" And it went off!

She immediately called her priest to relay the good news. His response: "Dear, if every time your father sends you a message, he sets off the SMOKE alarm, just where do you think he's calling from?" -- THE REV. JAMES BLANTZ, ROLLING PRAIRIE, IND.

DEAR REV. BLANTZ: She should thank God it wasn't a toll call. Thank you for being an angel and sharing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: May I offer yet another cell phone etiquette blooper?

My grandfather's funeral was last week. Since our family is Catholic, we asked a priest to officiate. In the middle of the service, a cell phone rang (to the tune of "Happy Birthday"). You should have seen the scowls and heads turning. A few minutes later, it rang for the second time!

At the graveside afterward, we finally discovered who the culprit was. During the solemn flag-folding ceremony, the phone rang a third time. Imagine our astonishment when the PRIEST pulled the offending instrument out of his pocket and stepped away to engage in a long conversation. -- STILL SHOCKED IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

DEAR STILL SHOCKED: I'll bet it was the woman whose father was contacting her via the smoke alarm.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice about my boyfriend. We have been dating for three years. He started off our relationship telling me he loved me.

About a year ago, he began introducing me to everyone as his "roommate." When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't love me anymore. We still live together -- until I move out -- and he tells me often that we should stay together because we get along so well.

I'm confused. What exactly is it that he wants from me? -- TIRED OF BEING HURT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TIRED: Much depends upon what he's getting from you. From my perspective, he wants someone to share the rent, with no strings attached and no responsibility.

If I were you, I'd move sooner rather than later. The romance is over, and you two have very different agendas.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)