DEAR ABBY: I was always taught that when a meal is served "family style," the food is passed to the right. However, I have been unable to find that statement in print.

Since I don't have Internet access, what books on table manners should I check? I've examined several at the library, but have been unable to find an answer.

Thanks, Abby. My family and I enjoy your column. -- ROSY JOHNSON, BREMERTON, WASH.

DEAR ROSY: I had to check a number of etiquette books to find your answer -- and to my surprise, the subject of eating "family style" was included in only one of them: "The New Emily Post's Etiquette."

She writes: "Often 'family style' means the host or hostess serves the meat, and the other dishes are passed around with each diner helping himself. These dishes are passed counterclockwise. Men do not offer the dish to the women on their right first, but help themselves when the dish reaches them. They may then, if they wish, hold the dish while the woman next to them serves herself."

I hope this is helpful.

DEAR ABBY: For 3 1/2 months, I have been going once a week to a sex therapist who has been trying to help me work out my physical and emotional sex problems.

Lately, my husband, "Danny," has grown suspicious about my whereabouts. Danny believes I am romantically involved with an intern I have been training at the office. I do not wish to reveal to him my true whereabouts because I am afraid it may affect his self-esteem and, in turn, our sex life.

Should I tell my husband the truth and risk him feeling inadequate, or not tell him and jeopardize our relationship? -- SEXLESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR SEATTLE: You should absolutely tell your husband the truth about where you have been going, and why. He needs to know the truth, because he needs to be part of the solution to the problem. (Explain to him that this isn't his "fault.")

Frankly, I am surprised that you would be seeing a sex therapist as an individual because this is a COUPLE's problem, and the most common form of treatment for it is to help the husband and wife together.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old nephew, "Ralphie," gets up at 6:00 every morning. I have two children, a 4-year-old girl and a 15-month-old boy. We are not early risers.

When Ralphie sleeps over, it's usually because his parents are working and there's no school the next day, and they need someone to watch him. When he gets up, he usually wakes up my daughter, and they play loudly in her room.

How should I handle this? I don't want to be a mean aunt, and I don't want to refuse my sister and brother-in-law when they need a favor. -- SLEEPLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SLEEPLESS: At 8 years old, your nephew is old enough to understand that you need quiet in your house until a certain hour. Explain that your family is on a different schedule. Put out cereal for him to eat if he is hungry when he awakens in the morning, and be sure he brings a book or a game he can amuse himself with until the day starts with your family. Make it clear that you do not want your daughter disturbed, nor do you want to be awakened before a designated hour -- unless there is an emergency. As long as he is not hungry or bored, I'm sure your nephew will cooperate.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Feeling Used in Cleveland," who resents her husband's little boy being dumped off by his mother every time she needs a free baby sitter. Your answer was good but not harsh enough.

"Feeling Used" knew the man she married had a child. What makes her think that that little 8-year-old is any less deserving of his father's love, time and attention than the two children she and her husband brought into the world?

She complained about the ex-wife dropping off the boy when he's sick. Instead of complaining, she should give him the TLC he deserves. That child has to watch his dad live with and raise two other kids while he gets shuffled back and forth -- and his STEPMOTHER is resentful? Boy, does she have it backward.

I am a married mother of four, and wish all prospective stepparents would reach down deep to see if they have what it takes. There are many wonderful stepparents out there, but "Feeling Used" has a lot of work to do straightening out her priorities. Sign me ... SICK OF SELFISH STEPPARENTS

DEAR S.S.S.: I agree that the woman needs a quick attitude adjustment. When two people with children marry, there should no longer be "his," "hers" or "mine." Only OURS. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a stepgrandson who is her responsibility nearly every weekend. "Sean" was left for my mother to care for three weeks after his birth, while his parents took off to join the circus.

While Mom has her share of trials with Sean, she is the only stable and constant element in his life. Instead of bemoaning the situation, she dutifully picked up where Sean's mother and father left off -- and is the most important influence in his life.

I implore "Feeling Used" to dwell less on herself and her needs and to concentrate on caring for her 8-year-old stepson. I guarantee the result -- and the feeling she'll enjoy -- will more than compensate for her time. -- MATTHEW IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MATTHEW: I admire your mother's love, commitment and wellspring of energy. Today millions of grandparents are raising their grandchildren -- with all of the challenges and rewards that go with it. For those who find it overwhelming, the AARP Grandparent Information Center offers information and referral to local support groups for grandparent caregivers through its national database. To contact the center, write to: AARP Grandparent Information Center, 601 E Street NW, Washington, DC 20049. Call (800) 424-3410; the Web site is www.aarp.org/grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the resentful stepmom was right on. At the age of 8, I was the resented stepchild, and didn't know why.

When I became a stepmother and was used as the dumping ground by my husband's ex, I received some excellent advice from a close friend: "Forget the reasons why the child is there, just know he needs you. Change your attitude, because you are what you think, and your actions will show it -- good or bad."

Twenty years later, my stepson handed me his newborn and whispered, "I love you for loving me like your own. Here's your grandson, Mom." I sent up a prayer of thanks for her excellent advice, because love is thicker than blood. -- THE LUCKY ONE

DEAR LUCKY ONE: Regardless of your biological relationship to your stepson, you were the parent who counted the most. It is the job of parents -- regardless of blood ties -- to nurture and protect the children given into their keeping.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For 100 years, Americans have shopped in our stores and faithfully contributed clothing and household items to Goodwill Industries. It all began back in 1902, when Edgar J. Helms, a young Methodist minister, took a burlap bag and called on Boston's wealthy citizens to donate whatever clothing they could spare. The Goodwill store was born when Helms hired people in need to repair and sell the donated goods.

Since then, Goodwill Industries has remained true to Helms' compassionate vision. It has evolved into one of the world's largest providers of employment services, helping nearly 6 million people earn a paycheck and support their families.

Last year, Goodwill Industries placed someone in a good job every two minutes of every business day. We train thousands of people in the United States, Canada and 22 other countries for jobs in fields such as financial services, computer programming, hospitality and health care.

As we pause to remember our many blessings this year, we want to say "Thank you" to the 500 million donors who have supported us since 1902, and to the millions more who have shopped at Goodwill stores. "Thank you" to the thousands of volunteers (including your mother, Pauline Phillips) who have given us their time and expertise. "Thank you" to the employees of Goodwill Industries, past and present, who have built an agency that serves 500,000 people each year.

Thank you one and all for believing in the "Power of Work," and for believing in Goodwill Industries. -- GEORGE W. KESSINGER, PRESIDENT, GOODWILL INDUSTRIES INTERNATIONAL

DEAR GEORGE: My mother said it very well back in 1969 when she joined your Board of Advisors: "Because I have boundless respect for those whose prime objective is to help themselves, I feel privileged to be on your team."

May you and all of the other wonderful people at Goodwill Industries International enjoy continued success in your endeavors -- and thank YOU for all you have done for others.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old guy who has been with my girlfriend for two years. We've always had a good thing going, but lately I've been feeling the pressure of living with her. Now we're on the brink of a breakup that is mostly my fault.

The problem is I like to go out and have a good time with the guys, and she's not exactly keen on the idea. What can I do to save our relationship, other than quit hanging out with my friends? Thanks, Abby. -- TORN BETWEEN MY GIRL AND THE GUYS

DEAR TORN: Negotiate. Compromise. One way to accomplish this is to agree on a "girls' night out" and a "boys' night out" -- preferably the same night. Give it a try. You'll both be better off for it.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy a joke that I conceived and sent to Reader's Digest.

Question: What do they call Mother Teresa now that she is enjoying her heavenly reward?

Answer: Nun of the above.

Apparently Reader's Digest deemed the joke to be religiously incorrect. They did not reply. -- WARD C. McCURTAIN, BEAUMONT, TEXAS

DEAR WARD: Your joke is cute -- so I'm sharing it with my readers. It was heaven-sent.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)