DEAR ABBY: "Loving Grandma in Omaha" was unsure whether it was OK to still hold her 11-year-old grandson on her lap.

Her letter reminded me of the time my 10-year-old nephew and my mother and I were at a restaurant. (Mom had helped to raise him as a baby.)

Toward the end of dinner my nephew went to sit on my mother's lap. I asked him, "What happens when you're too big for Grandma to hold anymore?" Without blinking, he replied, "Then I'LL hold HER." I had tears in my eyes the rest of the evening. -- KATHLEEN C., COMMACK, N.Y.

DEAR KATHLEEN: Smart child. That is what I used to do with my mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was close to my maternal grandmother. Some mornings she would call my mother at 7 a.m. and tell her to take my temperature because I was sick. (She was ALWAYS right!) After I was 10 or so, I grew too big for her to hold, so I'd lie on the couch and put my head in her lap and she'd rub my neck and head.

She died just before my 13th birthday. I was in school, but I "knew" it had happened before I was told.

She had a wonderful Yiddish saying: "Tsuris (trouble) is what you get from children. Naches (joy) is what you get from grandchildren!" -- SENTIMENTAL IN NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y.

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: There's truth in those old Yiddish sayings. Here's another: "When a man who has been previously married marries a woman who has been previously married, FOUR people go to bed." But I digress. Back to the subject:

DEAR ABBY: I rocked my son when he was a baby. When he was 6 or 7, he began having minor problems at school. His teacher suggested that I start rocking him again. I did, and within a few days, his teacher began commenting on how much better behaved he was.

I did not rock my son to sleep. We used the time to talk. He would confide his fears, little hurts, good things that happened -- things we would never otherwise have shared. I continued to rock him until he was nearly bigger than I was. It was one of the best things I ever did.

Today he's in college, and a very personable young man. -- PROUD MOM, CEDAR HILL, TEXAS

DEAR PROUD MOM: And I'm sure your wonderful relationship continues.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 32, and I still lie on the couch and put my head in my grandmother's lap. My sister is 28, a sergeant first class in the Army, and she still climbs into bed with Mom to talk. Some of my most precious memories are tied to those moments. Please tell "Loving Grandma" to continue rocking her grandson. As my mom is so fond of saying, "You cannot spoil a child by loving him." -- STILL CUDDLING, DAVENPORT, IOWA

DEAR STILL CUDDLING: Your mother is right.

DEAR ABBY: Grandchildren are never too old to be held and shown affection. I would give anything to feel my grandmother's arms around me just once more.

It has been four years since her passing. I still have days when the pain hits like it did when I first lost her, but I get through it knowing she is always with me. Sometimes, when I need her most, I still feel her arms around me. -- STILL MISSING GRANDMA IN N.C.

DEAR STILL: You have said it well. The people we love always remain in our hearts. The memory of their love and wisdom is their most important legacy.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with "Joyce and Dave" for many years. Our children are the same ages and go to school together. We have always enjoyed each other's company.

I find myself increasingly attracted to Dave, and I think the feeling is mutual. I have great strength of character, as I believe Dave does, but spending time with Joyce and him is becoming difficult.

Dave and I do not speak to each other in any way other than with respect and humor -- but there's an underlying sexual tension I can't ignore.

I don't want to spoil our families' shared times together, but I feel I am playing with fire. What should I do? -- CARLA IN PHOENIX

DEAR CARLA: People who play with fire usually get burned. It's time to take an honest look at your marriage and figure out what is missing. It's also time to enlarge your circle of friends and cut back on the time you have available for Joyce and Dave. Please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: I identified with the letter from "Private Guy in San Jose," whose in-laws come for month-long visits twice a year. My mother-in-law used to visit for six weeks or more several times a year, with no date set for her return home 3,000 miles away. I told my husband I could handle her visits better if there were a return date to which I could look forward, but it never happened.

After years of frustration, I finally decided to create my own "escape" date. Six weeks was my limit. After that, I'd leave to visit my parents, thus letting my husband entertain his mother by himself.

It was amazing the speed with which my husband put his mother on a plane home!

Perhaps "Private Guy" could arrange a "business trip" or a visit to his own relatives after two weeks of hosting his in-laws. -- PROBLEM SOLVED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PROBLEM SOLVED: That's certainly better than sitting home feeling infringed upon and allowing resentment to build. Even the freshest fish can turn foul if it is kept beyond the expiration date. Thank you for the helpful suggestion.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Steve" for six years. Three years ago, Steve promised me an engagement ring. I am still waiting for it.

I graduate from college in May and I plan to move to the city where Steve lives. Steve says we can't live together, though, because his parents won't allow that unless we're married. But, Abby, we're both 26!

Steve claims he's saving money for a ring, but last summer he managed to spend nearly $2,000 on vacation trips and sheets for his bed.

I can't wait forever. How long is too long? -- WAITING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WAITING: THIS is too long. If Steve was on the level, he would have postponed the trips, passed up the sheets and celebrated your engagement by now. He isn't ready for marriage. Since you are, I'd say it's time to move on.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a son who is 33. He has four children and lives in another state. About a year ago, he asked me to co-sign on a house loan. I refused. Now he won't speak to me. He didn't even attend his grandmother's funeral.

I don't know how to bridge this gap between us except by signing the note. I really can't afford it, but I miss my son and grandchildren. -- HURTING IN OHIO

DEAR HURTING: Under no circumstances should you give in to your son's emotional blackmail, particularly since you cannot afford it. If you do, it will be only the beginning of what he will demand from you. And if you try to refuse, the scenario will repeat itself.

Continue to send your grandchildren birthday and holiday greetings, and let's hope your son grows up before they do.

DEAR ABBY: There is a subject in my house that's causing conflict: school sports. Neither of my children is interested in playing. They do well academically. They take advanced classes and music, as well as dance and gymnastics outside of school.

My husband insists they participate in a school sport. He says they'll never be accepted into college without a school sport, and if they are, they won't be eligible for a scholarship. Is this true? -- WONDERING ABOUT SCHOOL SPORTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: No, it's not. I posed your question to Hanan Eisenman, media coordinator of admissions at the University of California. He says the University of California does not require high school athletics for eligibility. Eligibility for admission is based on grades from college preparatory courses and on scores on the appropriate admissions tests.

Like most selective colleges, the university also looks for talent and leadership in a broad range of areas, only one of which is sports. The vast majority of scholarships are based on qualifications such as academics and financial need, not high school sports. By far the most important criterion for admission for virtually all colleges and universities is academic achievement.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "David," for a year. He moved in with me four months ago. We generally get along great, even though he hasn't given me his share of the rent since his hours were cut at work. Frankly, it feels like we are more like roommates or friends than lovers, but I was sure I would never meet anyone who could compare.

Last weekend I was out of town, a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. David was unable to attend, so she matched me up with a groomsman I'll call Chad. Well, the chemistry between us was so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

Chad and I can't ignore the connection we made. He has invited me to visit him. I don't know what to do. I am having serious doubts about my relationship with David. Should I give Chad a chance? -- BRIDESMAID IN WAITING IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BRIDESMAID: Absolutely! But before your relationship with Chad goes any further, you must level with David. Remember, honesty is the best policy -- and in the long run it is better for all concerned.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)