DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old single mother of two, in the process of moving to a new state to be near my family. My older sister and her husband have asked me to be the surrogate mother of a child for them. They have been trying to conceive a child for a long time without success. I agreed without reservation.

My problem is my boyfriend, "Pete." He doesn't understand how I can do it, and why I didn't ask his permission before deciding. We have been together only since September, and I didn't feel it was a decision that I needed to run past him.

Although I am excited about being a surrogate for my sister, Pete is making me feel guilty about it. He insists he is just worried about me. I love Pete, but I don't want to feel guilty about the wonderful choice I have made. What should I do? -- SURROGATE SISTER

DEAR SISTER: Arrange an evening with your sister, brother-in-law and Pete. Perhaps if he hears firsthand from them about the pain of not being able to conceive a child, he will better understand what you have decided to do. However, if it fails to give him the necessary insight, you may have to choose between your wish to be a surrogate and your current boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I got involved with a man who was going through a divorce. I'll call him Tom. Our relationship was great. We got along well and enjoyed each other's company.

Shortly after I learned I was pregnant, he left me to go back to his wife. It has been a constant game of back-and-forth ever since.

Our son arrived in June, but Tom has made no effort to help support me or the baby. However, he has made an attempt to see his son.

I live with my parents, work and go to college. They threaten to kick me out because I talk to Tom and want our baby to know his father. I wonder if I should let him see the baby, if I should try to move out on my own, or if I should stay here and continue to live under my parents' control.

Do you think it is fair for them to give me an ultimatum? On the one hand, I don't think it's right to keep him from seeing the baby; on the other, it's not right that he doesn't help with support or anything.

What advice can you offer? -- DEPRESSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your parents may be heavy-handed, but they have your best interests at heart. The best way to assure your child's future is to stay where you are and finish your education.

I agree that your former boyfriend should contribute to his son's support. To ensure that he does, talk to a lawyer about what his legal responsibilities are. Visitation can be arranged at that time. If it is court-ordered, I'm sure your parents will comply.

DEAR ABBY: The wife of one of my co-workers just had a miscarriage. It's her second one. If the baby had been born, I would send a sympathy card. But what should I do in a case like this? -- STUCK IN INDIANA

DEAR STUCK: Send a card or a short note expressing your sympathy to the couple. I am sure it will be appreciated.

When couples learn they are going to be parents, they begin to make plans for that child. They have dreams about what they will do with and for that child. If the pregnancy doesn't come to term, they suffer a tragic loss and it should be acknowledged.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: With Independence Day approaching, I'm asking for your help in reminding your millions of readers about the danger of fireworks, especially to the eyes.

Each year during Fourth of July celebrations, thousands of adults and children are seriously injured as a result of fireworks and pyrotechnic devices. Many of the injuries affect eyesight, permanently damaging -- and in some cases blinding -- the victims. In response, the American Optometric Association (AOA) urges people to refrain from using fireworks and to instead enjoy professional displays.

About two-thirds of fireworks-related injuries are burns. Most of the burns involve the hands, eyes, head and face. Almost half of the victims are under 15 years of age, and 75 percent of them are male. The most frequent cause of fireworks injuries requiring trips to the emergency room is sparklers. (Did you know that sparklers can heat up to 1,800 degrees, enough to melt gold?) A sparkler can also literally poke someone's eye out.

This may come as a surprise, but bystanders are also not safe from injury. Data from the U.S. Eye Injury Registry reveals that half of all fireworks injuries occur to bystanders.

So, on this Fourth of July, members of the AOA urge your readers to protect their eyes by avoiding fireworks and enjoying professional displays from a safe distance. -- DR. WESLEY PITTMAN, PRESIDENT, A.O.A.

DEAR DR. PITTMAN: Thank you for the timely reminder. Although many people, young and old, regard fireworks as harmless fun, the facts show otherwise.

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, during 2002, an estimated 8,800 people were treated in hospital ERs for injuries associated with fireworks. An estimated 20 percent to 25 percent of fireworks injuries are to the eyes -- mostly contusions and lacerations -- and most of those are caused by firecrackers, rockets and sparklers.

So, a word to the wise: Have a "blast" on the Fourth of July -- but do it in a way that will protect yourselves and your families.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and currently involved with a guy from school. The guy that I was with for a year and a half (my ex) wants to marry me. I still have feelings for him, but not like I used to.

I like my new boyfriend and don't really want to leave him. When my ex and I broke up, it was only supposed to be "a little time apart." My ex showed signs that he was moving on, so I did the same. Now that he wants to get back together, I don't know what to do. Should I go back with him and give it a chance or let him down gently? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED: You are 17 years old and on the brink of a bright and exciting future. Why are you in such a hurry to make a permanent commitment? Since you have already "moved on," you should continue moving on. When the right man comes along, you won't need to ask anyone what to do -- you'll know.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading your comment to "Young and in Love in Toronto" -- the 26-year-old woman who's in love with a 50-year-old man -- I was so hot under the collar that I had to take my dog for a two-mile walk, then cut and split a cord of wood in order to cool off. You see, I'll be 84 this year, so according to you, I am "doddering"!

I walk 18 holes of golf, square dance every Friday and alternate Saturday nights, am active in the community and am part-time editor of our local seniors newsletter. And this doddering octogenarian is being married this month to my square dance partner of the last four years, who is 18 years younger.

I hope you get a ton of mail from other doddering octogenarians. -- BOB F., CLAREMONT, CALIF.

DEAR BOB: Did I ever. I had no idea there were so many active seniors until I used the "d-word." I deserved 80 lashes with a wet noodle, and I got it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My father is running, not "doddering," through his later years. I wouldn't be surprised if he lives to be 100. At 80, dear old Dad went to Mongolia, slept in tents and rode camels. He still works a full-time job, travels around the country and writes articles. He fishes, and walks an 18-hole golf course once a week -- and doesn't use a golf cart. His cholesterol is only 135, and his cardiologist says his heart is as healthy as it can be for an 82-year-old. Please rethink your advice to "Young and in Love." You never know -- that man might outlive her! -- CATHY U., CHOCKTAW, OKLA.

DEAR CATHY U.: You're right. No one has a contract with God.

DEAR ABBY: I resent the term "doddering." Every morning I walk briskly for 30 minutes and do 30 minutes of weight training three times a week. Last year I wrote lesson materials for beginner and intermediate courses in computer training for seniors, and taught the material in eight three-hour sessions at the local branch of the University of South Florida. I sit on the board of a nonprofit corporation, serve on the executive committee of the retirement community where we live and edit our monthly newsletter. I am 82 years old.

One of my neighbors, who is several years older than I, has decided to give up flying and sell his airplane. However, he continues to ride his motorcycle.

My wife volunteers at the regional hospital here. Of course, she's only 79. -- NOT DODDERING IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR NOT: I'm sure many people far younger wish they could be as active and productive as you are. Including me.

Readers, a question I am frequently asked by women "of a certain age" is "where are all the good men?" Well, after reading the onslaught of mail I have received from outraged octogenarians, I have the answer: They're all over the place.

According to Dr. Gary Small, director of the UCLA Center on Aging and respected expert on healthy aging, people who stay active physically and mentally, who eat sensibly and watch their blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol levels, live fuller, longer and more vital lives. His new book, "The Memory Prescription" (Hyperion), details a program of diet, mental and physical exercise, and stress reduction that literally jump-starts brain and body fitness -- and his UCLA study backs it up.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)