DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Ruth" for more than 40 years. She married, moved away, divorced and raised her family on her own. After 20 years, she moved back to town, and I was thrilled.

But now that we live a half-hour away from each other, Ruth has no interest in spending much time with me. My husband and I aren't ostentatious, but if he buys me a piece of jewelry for my birthday, she makes me feel spoiled and shallow for getting it.

Ruth has turned into a reverse snob who harshly judges anyone who has more than she does. If we go out to lunch (which is rare) and I wear a nice pair of slacks or a sweater, Ruth belittles me. She calls me self-absorbed because I fix my hair and wear makeup. What I see as taking care of myself, she considers vanity and showing off.

I hurt all the time over this. I just don't know what to do. Ruth talks on and on about people being strong and surviving hard times. Maybe I haven't suffered enough to be worthy in her eyes.

I don't know how to handle this, or if I even want to anymore. What should I do? -- TIRED OF IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TIRED OF IT: Your friend appears to have had a hard life. Accept that people sometimes grow apart as they mature. If you feel you must see her, dress simply, leave your jewelry at home and exclude the topic of grooming from your conversation.

People who are unhappy with themselves sometimes take it out on others. During your years apart, Ruth seems to have picked up a lot of baggage. Accept that you can't fix what's ailing her, refuse to allow her frustration to get to you, and if that doesn't work, see less of her.

DEAR ABBY: As a recent college graduate, what should I do when potential employers ask for "salary requirements" along with my cover letter and resume? I am entry-level, to put it optimistically, and in addition to having no idea of what an appropriate salary would be, I feel uncomfortable making such demands given my age and experience level. Can I ignore the request, or must I give them an answer? -- YOUNG JOB SEEKER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JOB SEEKER: Do not ignore the request. Employers ask about salary requirements in order to ascertain whether the needs of the applicant are within their ability to pay.

Do a little research and find out what the going rate is for entry-level positions in your area. You will find the information by visiting your public library and reviewing some of the trade publications in your field.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years. When I see a letter of interest, I read it aloud to a couple of co-workers during the lunch break.

A couple of months ago, one of my co-workers stated that your columns are "asked and answered" by you. In other words, he suggested that the letters are fabricated. Is there any way you could help me convince him that they aren't? -- TIM IN LONG BEACH

DEAR TIM: Probably not. However, I am not guilty as charged. The truth is, I could never make up anything as interesting -- and sometimes bizarre -- as the letters and e-mails that cross my desk every week. And that's the gospel truth.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Ben" and I have been married for two years. His dog, "Lucky," adores him. The problem is, Lucky bites me every time I get near Ben, especially when we are trying to get intimate. If we lock Lucky out of the room, he barks frantically the whole time. So much for romance.

Ben refuses to get rid of Lucky. He has told me that if the dog goes, he goes -- and he means it. I want a normal life with my husband, but he has chosen his dog over his wife. Can you offer any solution? -- ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY IN OHIO

DEAR ONCE BITTEN: I'll try. Your husband is an irresponsible pet owner. He has allowed Lucky to become "top dog" in your household by permitting the animal to control HIM rather than vice versa.

Tell him that if he wants to "get lucky," he is going to have to assume control of his dog. This will take the assistance of a qualified dog trainer or other animal behavior specialist and should be done immediately because "once bitten" is once too often.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, and my 13-year-old stepsister, "Cindy," is mentally retarded. She stays here every other weekend, and it's embarrassing when I have friends over. We don't have an extra room, so my mom and stepfather make me share a room with her.

Cindy is obsessed with me. She won't leave me alone the whole weekend and follows me around asking stupid questions. She also stares at my body when I get undressed, which makes me uncomfortable. I'm not modest and undress in front of other girls, but I don't like being stared at. She also can't keep her hands off my stuff.

I have been spending the night at a friend's as often as I can to get away from her. But now my mother and stepfather say I can go on sleepovers only on weekends Cindy is not here. They say she misses me and seems hurt that I'm not here to be with her. They say Cindy cried last weekend because she thinks I don't love her.

Well, duh! I've never even LIKED her. She is supposed to be here spending "quality time" with her father, not me, so shouldn't I be able to get away rather than have her drive me crazy the whole time? -- FED UP IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR FED UP: You are obviously very angry, but you're aiming it in the wrong direction. None of this is your stepsister's fault. Cindy is a little girl mentally, and she idolizes you. She may be slow, but she isn't stupid. She recognizes rejection when she sees it.

I recommend a compromise. You should not have to entertain your stepsister every single time she visits. While it would be caring and compassionate to spend time with her, you should not be forced into it. Keeping her occupied should be your parents' responsibility.

An adult should advocate for you in this matter. If my reply is sufficient, show it to your mother and stepfather. If it isn't, then enlist the help of another adult to talk to them with you.

DEAR ABBY: Singing is my one true passion. However, whenever I sing, my friends make fun of me. One of my friends did compliment me, but I'm not sure I completely believe her. My choir director says I have a beautiful voice, but how can I tell if she's just being nice? -- UNSURE IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR UNSURE: Ask her if you can sing a solo.

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DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Frannie," and I are both professionals, married to men who are complete opposites. My husband, "Grady," is a blue-collar guy who never attended college. He has many wonderful qualities, but lacks self-esteem. He has a good, stable job and is more "street smart" than "book smart."

Frannie's husband, "Austin," has a graduate degree and a professional career. He is also a "know-it-all" who loves to flaunt his knowledge to everyone, especially to Grady. This makes my husband feel insecure and makes it difficult for us to be around Austin and Frannie.

I have told my sister how we feel. She says I need to talk to Austin about it. If I do, it will cause a huge argument. I just wish Austin could be a little less boastful and a bit more humble. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? -- FRANNIE'S KID SIS

DEAR KID SIS: Before I offer any, has it occurred to you that Austin may be even more insecure than your husband, and your sister is a wimp? It is not your "job" to teach her husband social behavior -- that's what a loving wife does when her husband does something obnoxious. And Austin's behavior falls into that category.

Perhaps, if you point this out to Grady, it will help him feel less insecure around his windbag of a brother-in-law. Educated people who feel good about themselves do not have to show others how smart they are. In fact, they are so adept at sharing their knowledge that they can converse with anyone on any level without the person feeling talked down to.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of marriages where the husband and wife merely tolerate each other and have little emotional connection? In our situation, my wife seems to accept that our marriage "just is," but I feel that marriage should offer more.

I would press for a divorce except for the fear of making matters worse. In this case, no children are involved. It's doubtful that counseling would change a thing. Do we just stick it out after 25 years of marriage? -- LOVELESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVELESS: Marriages in which the spouses "merely tolerate each other with little emotional connection" are called marriages of convenience. I'm sad to say they are not uncommon. Some couples who have drifted apart have been able to reconnect through a program called Retrouvaille, which began in 1977 in Canada. Although it is Catholic in origin and orientation, it is open to all married couples regardless of their religion.

I have mentioned Retrouvaille in my column before. It consists of a weekend, plus a series of 12 presentations that take place over the following three months. The program is run by three married couples and a priest. The "team couples," all of whom have experienced disillusionment, pain and anger in their own marriages, share their personal struggles, reconciliation and healing.

Before you decide whether to continue living in an emotional desert or chuck the marriage entirely, ask your wife to attend a Retrouvaille weekend with you. It might be the spark you need to get your relationship going again, and it has worked for many other couples. For information on programs in your area, call toll-free 1-800-470-2230 or visit www.retrouvaille.org.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)