DEAR ABBY: I know some people are obsessed with hoarding things. Is it possible to have an obsession about throwing things away? My mother seems bent on removing every item from our home. Every time I went away as a kid, boxes of books and toys would disappear from my room. I resorted to hiding things I wanted to keep.

Since I have left for college, 90 percent of my belongings have been thrown out or given to Goodwill. She even gave away two dolls I have had since I was a baby and which were of great sentimental value to me. Mother was well aware of it.

She recently became adamant that I get rid of some dresses and a pair of winter boots to "prepare for the change in seasons." Abby, the boots were less than six months old, and the dress was brand-new! Could she have a serious problem? -- EMILY IN ATLANTA

DEAR EMILY: Yes, but it's not what you think. It appears your mother regards you not as an individual, but as an extension of herself. Therefore, in her mind what is yours is really hers to do with as she wishes. She should not be giving away your possessions unless it's by mutual consent. And yes, it is a serious problem because it will negatively affect your relationship in the future, if it hasn't already.

DEAR ABBY: "Susan" and I have been married for many years. After our sons left for college, my wife began experiencing "empty-nest syndrome," so I surprised her with two cats. I'm not wild about cats, but I knew she'd be pleased. Big mistake!

Susan is constantly doting on her "babies" (as she calls them). Her time is spent brushing them, talking to them, playing with them and photographing them. When we do have a little feline-free time, it's spent talking about them. I have grown more and more annoyed with these spoiled cats who have 100 percent of her attention.

I have tried expressing my feelings, but she reminds me that I was the one who "adopted" them in the first place. Any suggestions? -- HUBBY IN PURR-GATORY

DEAR HUBBY: You may have been the one who adopted the cats, but your wife has gone overboard. Tell her that unless she reorganizes her priorities and makes some time for her husband, her husband may adopt a "kitten" of his own.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl. My brother, "Jason," and I have always been close friends. Summer, for me, means wearing tank tops and shorts, but Jason doesn't like the idea. He tells me I'm showing too much skin and that boys will stare at me.

I used to think Jason was silly. So far, he has liked only one of my outfits this summer. Now that I think about it, my shorts are pretty small. Is my brother just being protective? Or do you think I should try to wear clothes that don't show a lot of my skin? -- STAYING COOL IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR STAYING COOL: Not knowing your brother, I don't know what may be motivating him. I assume that when you are shopping for outfits, your mother has some input in what's being purchased. That's why I think you should address this question to her. She can tell you whether your brother is being overprotective or if his fashion sense is on target.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: My parents live nearby and are extremely helpful with my young children. My mom feels the need to be the "fun" grandma, and her way of accomplishing it is to always have sweet treats available for the kids in her home. In my home, she allows them to skip vegetables at dinner and loads them up with dessert. Because she is helping me out I ignore this, but every once in a while I ask her in front of the kids to refrain from giving them sweets.

My children recently told me that the second I walk out the door she goes and gets the sweets and hands them out. They all told me they do not have to say a word -- she just does it. I feel this is disrespectful to me and sets a poor example for my children. Should I say something, or am I overreacting? -- SWEET SUE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SWEET SUE: By all means "say something" to your mother. What she's doing may be well-intentioned, but she is doing your children no favor by creating and indulging their appetite for sugar. When she's at your house, TELL her what you want the kids to have as snacks and for dessert. And when they're at her place, bring approved snacks that you prefer she serve.

By going behind your back she is undercutting your authority as a parent. You're lucky your children told you what's happening so you can put your foot down.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a security guard for more than three years, and I'm dismayed at the treatment I've received. I am a person and deserve to be treated as such.

I can't tell you how many times I have been verbally abused because I simply asked someone to show an ID. Security guards are here to protect people and property. Please remember that the next time you are asked to show identification or sign in. Thank you. -- MARY IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: After reading your letter, I spoke to several security officers and asked about their experiences. They all said that when asking someone to show ID, it's important to approach the person in a friendly, non-confrontational manner -- because sometimes it's not what is said but the way it is said that causes people to take offense. One female officer stated that males sometimes give her "attitude" because she is a woman. But on the other side of the coin, women liked the idea of a female officer.

DEAR ABBY: My view of feminism is very broad and is based on the belief that women are -- and should be -- politically, socially and economically equal to men.

I am dumbfounded when I hear young women proudly proclaim that they are not feminists after learning that I am. What is the appropriate response when comments such as, "I'm not a feminist -- I expect men to take care of everything for me!" are directed toward me? -- FLABBERGASTED FEMINIST IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Smile and ask, "And what are you going to do when they don't?"

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old, heterosexual female in a long-term, happy relationship with a man. However, I often find myself checking out other women's bodies. It doesn't turn me on or anything -- I just look to compare, I think. Am I normal, or do I need professional help? -- STRAIGHT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STRAIGHT: Yes, and no.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you gave me some good advice, and now I have a new issue I need help with. My sister, "Rhonda," and her husband -- both in their mid-50s -- will be visiting us again this summer. The last time they stayed, we caught them in our backyard smoking pot.

My husband and I were shocked and upset about it, and so were our teenage children. This was a violation of the rules in our home and set a poor example for our children, but I was too spineless to say anything.

I want to tell Rhonda and her husband before this next visit that drugs are absolutely not allowed on our property, but my mother wants me to remain silent because she's worried they'll stop visiting us unless I keep my mouth shut.

I want to see Rhonda, but not at the cost of compromising my principles. And I am confused and hurt that even my mother doesn't seem to care how I feel about how unacceptable this behavior is in my own home. Am I being unfair? Help! -- SPINELESS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SPINELESS: Your mother is wrong. It is not "unfair" to set standards in your home to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. If you don't speak up, your sister will assume -- and rightly so -- that you have no objection to her using an illegal substance on your property. What happened last year was unfortunate. But if you stay silent and it happens again, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a freshman in high school. My relationship with my mother is very good. I can talk to her about everything and anything.

My problem is she won't allow me to date as long as I live under her roof. She says teenagers are too young to date. I have recently developed feelings for a boy in a few of my classes, but I am prevented from pursuing a relationship with him. I feel sad and empty because of this.

My mother has no reason to keep me from dating other than her belief that I'm too young. I am a good kid and get straight A's. Friends tell me to date behind her back, which I don't believe in. Mom is very stubborn, but so am I. Any thoughts, Abby? -- JERSEY GIRL

DEAR JERSEY GIRL: Yes. A parent who prevents her daughter from dating as long as she lives under her mother's roof and expects that when she moves out -- presumably at 18 -- she will automatically be prepared for the dating scene, is delusional.

If your mother prefers that you not date one-on-one at 15, she should consider allowing you to go out in groups, as many teens do these days. Enlist the help of an adult female relative or one of her friends to intercede for you, and perhaps she'll relent.

DEAR ABBY: Why are some women so shallow that they won't date a man who is going bald? I mean, they do not even make the time to get to know us. They just turn us down.

Are there women out there who like men who are bald or getting there? -- SMOOTH-HEADED IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR SMOOTH-HEADED: Yes, there are. They're the smart ones. This would include Heidi Klum (who is married to Seal), Demi Moore (who was married for a number of years to Bruce Willis), Mrs. Howie Mandel, Mrs. Chris Daughtry -- and all the women who are chasing Tyson Beckford.