DEAR ABBY: How do I get out of an affair that has been going on for two years? I started it at a bad time in my life --- fights with my husband, the pressure of having three young kids, and a business we co-owned that was in financial difficulty. I know what I did was wrong. My husband doesn't know, and I don't think he suspects.

I'm afraid if I end the affair, I will get blackmailed or found out. My lover refuses to end it. He wants me and thinks he can treat me better than my husband. Any advice? -- STUCK IN HOT TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: Just this. A man who "refuses to end it" and implies that he would blackmail or betray you is not someone you would ever want to spend your life with. It's time to tell your husband everything -- that you deeply regret what you have done, why it happened, that you want to heal your marriage and be free of this barnacle who refuses to let go. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Marissa," and I are expecting our first child. My sister "Patti" has a little boy whom we all love and adore. When Patti learned that we're having a girl, she said we don't "deserve" to have one because she has always wanted a daughter. Then Marissa added fuel to the fire with a few well-chosen remarks of her own that she shared with friends and neighbors.

I just want all of this to stop and I don't know how to accomplish it. I'm upset with Patti for her behavior, and sad that my wife and sister are at odds. This is hurting everyone in the family. What should I do? -- STRESSED-OUT DAD-TO-BE

DEAR STRESSED OUT: Everyone needs to just calm down. Your wife and sister need to apologize to each other. Patti may have been joking when she said you don't deserve to have a baby girl. What she may have meant -- and overstated -- was that she was experiencing a twinge of jealousy.

Suggest to Marissa that your sister shouldn't have been taken literally, and that she apologize to Patti for "snapping." Ditto for your sister for her tactlessness. Then remind your sister that we don't live in a country with a one-child policy. If she wants to try for a daughter, she is free to do so, and in the meantime, she'll have a sweet little niece to spoil.

DEAR ABBY: My family moved to a new state last year. While there have been ups and downs, one of the things I miss most is my pets. Before we moved, we had a dog, a cat and some goldfish. Now we're in an apartment and can't afford all the fees associated with having pets. Also the apartment is too cramped to accommodate them.

My son "Toby" is 2. He loved each of the animals. He'd watch the dog run around, pet the cat and stare at the fish. The cat slept in Toby's nursery, the dog guarded him in his stroller, and the fish loved him because he fed them.

How can I encourage my son's natural love of animals? A few hours playing with a cat or dog would be fine. -- PETLESS IN MARYLAND

DEAR PETLESS: Buy your son more goldfish. Read him stories about animals, and take him to the zoo as often as you can manage. His love of animals has already begun and this will continue it to develop.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: You told "No Ink in Louisville" (Aug. 24) that her friend cared more about getting a tattoo than the feelings of the bride-to-be, and her "little sister" should have postponed getting one until after the wedding.

I think "No Ink" was insensitive on several counts. If she truly loves her dear friend, why couldn't she simply accept her friend's wish to wear a tattoo at the wedding? Shouldn't the love and acceptance of her friend come first? We are talking about true friendship. Should body appearance be so important to the bride that she thinks the tattoo will ruin her wedding or the photographs?

Friendship works both ways. I think both women were insensitive in their regard for each other, but this was an opportunity for the bride-to-be to show her maturity. I see this as simply another case of how consumed we are as a society by appearance. Come on! It's only a tattoo. -- BOB IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BOB: Thank you for writing. I had an "inkling" my readers might have varied suggestions and opinions regarding that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I think the tattoo would not only be visible for pictures, but also take away the beauty of the entire event. Attendants should complement the wedding not distract from it. I would ask the bridesmaid to please wear a sheer matching jacket -- or bow out. After all, it is the bride and groom's day -- and it is a big deal. -- NO TATTOO IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: If "Ink" cared about her friend's feelings, she would never have requested that she wait six months to get a tattoo. There were people I would have loved to have had in my wedding party, but because I knew they were neither punctual nor reliable, they were guests, not part of my bridal party. I never would ask someone to put his or her life on hold for my one day. -- JILLIAN IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: The photographer can easily remove the tattoo from the photos. Thank goodness for digital photography! We have a picture of our son that was taken with his now ex-girlfriend and, because of the wonders of modern photography, he is now standing alone and looking mighty fine! -- DELETED HER FROM THE PICTURE

DEAR ABBY: There are many makeup concealers made to specifically camouflage tattoos. "Ink" can find plenty of them in makeup stores or online. They may be expensive, but if her friend agrees, it would be a small price to pay for the bride's peace of mind. And in this situation, because it's the bride who wants to hide the tattoo, I think she should be the one to buy the concealer. -- INK LOVER IN HONOLULU

DEAR ABBY: I wear loud, bright colors and have magenta-colored hair. My cousin is being married in a few weeks, and I offered to tone it down and wear muted colors so I would not stand out. She replied, "That isn't you," and that I should wear what I normally would -- vivid colors and all. We love each other and we respect our differences. Shouldn't that be what a wedding is all about -- love? -- KIM IN OAK HARBOR, WASH.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jason," is a 17-year-old high school senior honor student. My wife and I have managed to establish a fairly open relationship with our children; we encourage honesty and have attempted to establish mutual respect.

Recently, Jason asked if he could have seven or eight friends over to drink. My wife, reasoning that if teenagers are going to indulge in alcohol, it's better for them to do it in a safe, controlled environment, said yes. I, on the other hand, said no, based on the fact that the parents of the other teens would not approve. Jason admitted that was, in fact, the case.

While I agree with my wife's reasoning, I refuse to allow my house to become the place where teens can gather to drink without their parents' knowledge. Jason is now upset with me, and I'm afraid he may no longer be willing to confide in me. In my heart, I know I made the right decision, but my relationship with my son means the world to me. What do you think? -- TORN IN HOUSTON

DEAR TORN: I agree. You did the right thing. You acted like a responsible parent. Not only would it have been illegal, but also, if any of your son's friends were to be injured after leaving the party drunk, the liability could have been yours.

That you asserted yourself will not ruin your relationship with your son forever. In time he will realize that your decision was the right one, and he will respect you for it. I know I do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman who is trying to figure out my relationship with my sister. "Jasmine" is five years older and has always been outspoken, bossy and insensitive. My role has always been to be the quiet, meek one.

As children, Jasmine was jealous of me. She dominated me and was sometimes physically abusive. As an adult, I have struggled to assert myself. Every time I think I'm making headway, Jasmine will do or say something to take me down a few notches, leaving me devastated yet again.

I am tired. I have reached the point of giving up on having any kind of meaningful relationship with my sister. I don't know what else to do. We do not live close to each other and communicate mostly via e-mail. I have not confronted her personally because when we're together it's usually a family function, and I don't want to drag the whole family into it or upset our mother. Any suggestions? -- JASMINE'S WHIPPING GIRL

DEAR WHIPPING GIRL: Thank your lucky stars that you are exposed to your sister only infrequently. Until you can bring yourself to respond firmly when your sister steps over the line, it appears you'll have to continue tolerating the pain.

My advice would be to speak your mind to Jasmine once and for all and let the chips fall where they may if she puts you down at a family gathering. It would hardly be considered "attacking her" if you said plainly that her comments are hurtful and offensive. It's the truth. And if she's doing this via the Internet, warn her once, and if she persists, then block her e-mails.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)