Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am an 80-year-old woman, happily married for 51 years. The other day, my hairdresser (in her 20s) asked me about my sex life with my husband! I feel this is a private matter and none of her business, but I didn't want to sound rude. Can you think of a snappy answer to such a personal question? -- STILL IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND

DEAR STILL IN LOVE: Your hairdresser appears to have been sniffing too much hairspray, which has addled her judgment. The response to her impertinent question should have been to say with a smile, "Honey, you'll just have to wait until you're our age and find out for yourself."

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily single 22-year-old male. My boss, who is happily married, is extremely enthusiastic about finding me a woman. He is aware that I am OK with being single, but he feels it is his duty to find me a girlfriend.

At first, it was only slightly irritating. However, this matchmaker game has gotten out of hand. It has escalated into him printing up fliers with my photo on them, inviting women to sign up for a date with me. What should I do about this? -- CONTENT BACHELOR IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONTENT BACHELOR: Take the bull by the horns and do what you should have done in the beginning. Tell your boss firmly that you are happy as a single person, that when you decide to settle down you won't need anyone's help, and you want the matchmaking stopped. To say that what your boss has done is inappropriate is an understatement. And if it doesn't stop, it is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature -- and could qualify as harassment.

DEAR ABBY: "Louise" and I have been married three years. We met in another state and I relocated to take a job. I proposed to Louise after the move, and she accepted knowing this would be where we live.

Every summer my life becomes hell. Louise gets angry about the smallest things and picks fights frequently. This is in advance of all the grandkids' birthdays that occur in August. As the summer winds down, angry turns to weepy and sullen. She mentions "moving back for good," "I hate it here," "Quit your job and take less money."

Abby, I have a great job, and have told Louise to fly home as often as she wants. This scenario repeats each summer and increases in intensity. I know I'm going to wake up one day and not have a wife, because it seems her only solution is to move back.

I didn't like anything about the state we came from and was glad to leave. I moved there for my first wife and lost out on 14 years of things I loved to do. I'm bitter about it to this day. I'm happier here. I have no answer to this problem that is acceptable to Louise. Please help. -- MY WIFE OR MY LIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE/LIFE: If ever I heard of a couple who needed mediation services, it's you and Louise. Whether the answer to your problems is divorce, or Louise living part of the year near her grandchildren, is something only the two of you can negotiate -- if it's even economically feasible. If you love each other enough, you can work out a compromise, and that's what I'm hoping you can do in a caring way and without anger.

DEAR ABBY: "Hand-ed a Challenge" (Oct. 28) was visiting her friend "Rosemary" when one of "Hand-ed's" sons accidentally slammed a car door on Rosemary's hand, breaking two fingers. Rosemary, a massage therapist, asked to be reimbursed for lost wages because of the mishap -- and you agreed.

Abby, I find Rosemary's request absurd. Kids play. Accidents happen, and people think they deserve cash for it. Sending the boy to help Rosemary with chores would have been a given, but not after she demanded money.

"Hand-ed" should tell her "friend" that asking for money to save a friendship is extortion. I cannot imagine one single friend of mine who would not accept the injury with a certain amount of grace. "Hand-ed" needs to find more laid-back friends. -- WINDY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR WINDY: Thank you for offering a different perspective. While I received varied responses from readers, most agreed with me that "Hand-ed" is responsible for the damage her sons had caused. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Hand-ed" was on target. As a teacher for many years, I know the difference between what is ordinary mischief and what is a more serious matter. Anyone old enough to think of hiding behind a car door and opening it from the outside is old enough to know better. As long as his parents fail to recognize this, continue to make excuses for him and allow him to avoid the consequences of his behavior, he'll continue to misbehave and will not be welcome in anyone's home. -- ANNE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: If "Hand-ed" and her husband have homeowner's or renter's insurance, their child is insured under the policy. "Hand-ed" should inform her insurance company of the accident and ask the company to pay for these damages. Having the carrier indemnify the insured for this type of unforeseen accident is the reason for paying an insurance premium. -- AN ATTORNEY IN RUTLAND, VT.

DEAR ABBY: As parents, we are responsible not only for our own actions, but also the actions of our children, who are rarely wise enough to predict the outcome of their poor judgments. A true friend would have made certain all aspects of the results stemming from the "unfortunate accident" were completely covered before ending the visit. This would include assisting with errands or household chores, monetary reimbursement for medical charges incurred and lost wages, so the injured person would not lose sleep over the pain or worry about how to approach requesting assistance. -- JUDY IN COAL VALLEY, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: I empathize with "Hand-ed" when she said "accidents happen," but to say the accident could have happened whether her boys were there or not is a cop-out. I taught my sons to be mindful of other people's property. The fact that they got so close to Rosemary's car as to open the door shows a lack of respect for her property.

I had a friend who was a massage therapist. Her hands were her livelihood. Not only does Rosemary have to wait for her fingers to heal, it will take time for her fingers to regain all their strength. I hope "Hand-ed" sees the error of her ways and will try to make amends with her friend. -- RUTH IN CALIFORNIA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law is taking his 8-year-old son on a hunting trip. I strongly disapprove, but cannot say anything. I am shocked that my daughter is allowing it.

As a small child, I had a little playmate who blew his fingers off with a hunting gun. I fail to see any reason a child this young needs to learn how to kill animals -- and, of course, I am terrified he will get hurt.

My grandson is worried about going, and I am deeply upset. What do you think about a child this age going hunting? He is a sweet, intelligent child, and I am a ... VERY DISTURBED GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISTURBED GRANDMA: Your son-in-law may hope the hunting trip will be a bonding experience with the boy. However, if the child is worried about going into the woods and killing something, the experience may not bring the desired result. While I am not a fan of killing for sport, if your daughter does not object, there is nothing you or I can do to prevent it. (If they were hunting for food, I might feel differently.)

DEAR ABBY: I just received a holiday card from some relatives. Included with it was a printed one-page newsletter describing their past year's activities. I have received similar essays from them in previous years.

Why do these writings always inflate the deeds of the writer, almost to the point of laughability? It's as if they're saying, "After dashing back from our private audiences with Queen Elizabeth and the pope, we jetted off to Rio to help our dear friends, the Buffetts, launch their new yacht, which is 6 inches longer than the QEII. And our children are doing well. The oldest is a CEO and the younger was just awarded the Nobel Prize in chemistry."

To me, the holidays are a time for reflection and reaching out to those less fortunate. The last thing we need to see is an exaggerated (or fictional) account of an ego-trip from somebody who just doesn't get the meaning of the holidays. -- ORDINARY GAL IN ROCHESTER

DEAR ORDINARY GAL: Many individuals -- but not all -- feel as you do about holiday newsletters. It may help you to remember that they are not being written to you personally. The communication you received is a form of self-promotion. So with that in mind, no law says you have to read them. Because you find them upsetting, toss them as you would any other unwanted piece of advertising.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a tendency to "almost" complete things, but seldom actually does. The discards make it as far as the counter above the trash container where they belong. The hose carrier gets put back two feet from where it's supposed to go. He'll leave his jacket on the chair right next to the coat closet. Get the picture?

My husband is a great guy and he does a lot around the house. It's just that these "almosts" are so consistent that I'm curious about whether they're symptomatic of a kind of disorder. -- MAINE OBSERVER

DEAR OBSERVER: With the understanding that I am not licensed in any state of the Union to make a definitive diagnosis, it appears that your husband is either easily distracted or a wee bit ... lazy.