DEAR ABBY: About a month ago, my friend lost her keys in a major department store. Despite announcements in the store, the keys were never found. My friend wasn't worried because she had her wallet and personal information in her purse.

Two weeks later, her home was robbed. There was no sign of forced entry. What we learned from the police is that the little tags we carry on our key chains from major pharmacy and supermarket chains carry our names on the receipts. All the person who found the keys had to do was purchase something, swipe the card, and the receipt came up with my friend's name printed on it! Unfortunately, her name is listed in the phone book, so the thief was able to find her house, use her house key, walk right in and take whatever he/she wanted.

I no longer keep the tags on my key chain. I keep them in a separate place in my purse or in my pocket. I hope this keeps at least one person from being robbed. -- KAREN IN METHUEN, MASS.

DEAR KAREN: So do I, and thank you for the warning. For those who prefer not to carry those little tags at all, many are linked with the shopper's telephone number in the pharmacy's or supermarket's computer. If you mention it before the cashier starts ringing up your purchase, the sale can be rung up as part of the saver's program. Inquire at the stores where you shop regularly.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, when my niece was 9, we came up with the idea of making Christmas cards and sending them out to special friends and family members. We both work hard to make sure each is attractive and in good taste, and we handwrite a personal note inside. We also print on the back that the card was "handmade with love." This has become a tradition for the two of us, and the cards are quite beautiful.

Last year, after we sent them out, I received a card from a friend with a small check inside. The card read, "I'm sending you this check so you can afford to buy 'real cards' next year." I was, to say the least, hurt and offended. I wondered if others felt similarly, so I asked around and was shocked to learn they, too, thought I was "cheap." Although it cost more money and time to create each card, no one appreciated them.

We won't be making the cards this year, but how do I tell my niece why? I don't want her feelings hurt, too. -- BLUE AT CHRISTMAS

DEAR BLUE: Tell your niece what you were told -- and by whom -- so she won't waste any more effort on these rude and unappreciative individuals. Better she hear it from you than one of the recipients.

As to the "friend" who sent the check, I hope you returned it and deleted her from your Christmas card list. What she did was uncalled for.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and I have a problem. My mother gave me $20 so I could go Christmas shopping, but I forgot I was Christmas shopping and ended up buying everything for myself. Now what do I do, because she's really mad. -- IN TROUBLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN TROUBLE: Apologize to your mother, admit what happened wasn't a memory lapse as much as yielding to temptation, and start doing whatever you can to earn more money. Some suggestions: shoveling sidewalks and driveways and dog walking, if the neighbors will let you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to say something to my mother, but the truth is I don't know who my biological mother is. I was adopted when I was a baby. I have looked for her online over the years, but have yet to find her. I have asked myself many times what I'd say to her if I met her. Because I know it may never happen, I'm asking you to print my message:

"Mama, I don't know the circumstances of my birth, and I don't really care. All I know is that two loving parents adopted me and helped to shape me into the person I am. Today I am a successful professional with a loving spouse and wonderful children, to whom I try to give the best. I imagine that is what you wanted to do for me. Therefore, I have decided that I don't really need to find you and say, 'Thank you. You made a good choice. I am doing fine and I love you.'" -- HER THANKFUL SON

DEAR THANKFUL SON: I hope one day your birth mother will be fortunate enough to meet you and you can say those words to her in person. One of the most difficult decisions a mother can make, but one of the most loving, is to place a child for adoption when she is unable to provide a stable upbringing for her baby. Most birth mothers long for a reunion. And for them, as well as for you, I am printing your letter.

DEAR ABBY: I am a semi-retired professional man. My wife and I have an ongoing disagreement and would like the benefit or your wisdom. I was raised that when a man enters a house or a place of business, especially a restaurant, he should remove his hat. It annoys me to see young men sit in a restaurant wearing baseball caps, cowboys hats or even stocking caps.

My wife says times have changed -- recent generations were not raised the same way and I should just get over it. I say there is no right or wrong age for common etiquette. I can overlook this behavior in a fast-food restaurant, but I also see it happening in nice establishments. I believe that restaurant managers should ask men to remove their hats. If they refuse, at least they will have been told it is unacceptable behavior. Should I follow my wife's advice, or do I have a valid gripe? -- TONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TONY: Some restaurants still insist that their patrons adhere to a strict dress code -- but fewer of them do than in decades ago. In recent years the rigid rules regarding the wearing of hats have relaxed -- in part, I suspect because of aging baby boomers who use baseball caps to camouflage their bald spots.

However, according to Emily Post, you do have a valid gripe. She says there are times when wearing a hat is appropriate, and times when it isn't. According to her, a man should remove his hat (and this includes baseball caps) upon entering a home, when indoors at work (especially in an office), at mealtime at the table, in restaurants and coffee shops (the italics are mine), at a movie or indoor performance, when the National Anthem is played and when the American flag passes by as in a parade.

DEAR ABBY: Before she died last May, my wife ordered Christmas cards with both of our names printed on them. Should I send those cards, Abby? It would comfort me to still have our names linked together. -- WIDOWED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR WIDOWED: If it brings you comfort, send them. And if you are questioned about it, tell the person the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman and my best friend is a guy, "Trevor." After hearing him call me "Sweetie" and say he's smitten with me and crazy about me, I mustered up the courage to talk with him about taking our friendship to the next level -- dating. Trevor responded that his emotions are in a "blender" right now and that he doesn't want to deal with them. He said he doesn't want to make promises in the future he can't keep. He also said he loves me and wants to continue to be best friends.

I know in my heart that it would be beautiful if Trevor just gave us a chance. I'm ready to date him. In fact, we already act like a couple. My friends say I should give up on him, but isn't a solid relationship built on a strong base of friendship? Should we remain best friends? -- MAD ABOUT HIM IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR MAD ABOUT HIM: The answer to both your questions is yes. However, best friends are free to date others -- and that seems to be what Trevor would prefer right now: no commitments. Loving someone and being in love with someone are not the same. And while Trevor's emotions are "in a blender," he is clear that he wants his freedom. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for almost a year and am the mother of two daughters. I am dating two very nice men, and I have been open and honest with both of them about not wanting a serious relationship right now. They both understand. The problem is my sister seems to feel that I need to make a commitment to one of them because if I don't, I will be viewed as a "player." She hasn't spoken to me in weeks because of this "issue."

Is it wrong of me to date more than one man at a time even if I am absolutely honest with them about it? I am not ready to settle down, and I enjoy dating both of them. How do I handle this with my sister? -- NOT PLAYING FOR KEEPS

DEAR NOT PLAYING FOR KEEPS: The way to "handle" her is to ignore the silence and not allow her to push your buttons. By giving you the silent treatment, your sister is attempting to control your life. You are an adult, and you should not allow your sister -- however well-meaning she may be -- to pressure you.

DEAR ABBY: Today I witnessed two incidents of apparently well-meaning parents swatting their small children's behinds -- in public, no less. I cannot believe in these enlightened times this is still considered acceptable by otherwise intelligent people.

As an elementary school teacher, I can tell which children have been subjected to physical discipline at home. They seem more fearful and angry and are more likely to hit another child because children learn through mimicry. In school or in public, a child who swats another child is liable to be lectured on bullying, sued or even arrested. Hitting someone other than your own child is called "assault" in legal terms.

Any degree of swatting may seem effective because it gets the child's attention in the moment, but in the long run, it is counterproductive.

I believe all high schools should offer mandatory child-rearing classes for both genders to break this harmful cycle, and to teach more effective forms of discipline. -- ANY CHILD'S TEACHER

DEAR ANY CHILD'S TEACHER: I agree with you 100 percent!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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