DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman who finally beat a 13-year battle with drugs. I now have a job, a car, a place of my own and a bank account. My problem is, while I was on drugs I prostituted myself in order to support my habit. Now I'm terrified I have AIDS, and afraid I'll be told I don't have long to live.

I'm not dating right now, but I've had a couple of boyfriends since getting sober. I'm scared for them, but so afraid of getting a death sentence that I've never mentioned my fears to anyone. I know I'm being selfish with these guys' lives, but I'm paralyzed by my fear. What am I going to do? -- TERRIFIED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR TERRIFIED: What you are going to do is get yourself tested! Please understand that the fear you are dealing with is the same that anyone who has had multiple sex partners has had to face.

You must realize that being exposed to HIV and having AIDS are not the same. If you have been exposed to HIV -- and therefore test "positive" -- you need to know it ASAP so you can be prescribed anti-viral medications that can prevent you from getting AIDS. Getting on those meds can save your life. And you can save the lives of your former boyfriends, too, if you are HIV positive, by telling them to get tested.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for eight years and have been married to him for three. He is a unique and funny man, but he does have a few annoying quirks. The biggest one, and the reason I'm writing to you, is his need to have music blaring in our car.

It's not just when we're driving, but also when we're going through drive-thru restaurants, banks and gas stations. Gas stations are the worst because he turns the volume up even louder so he can hear it outside. Not only is it painful to my ears, but it's embarrassing.

I have asked him a number of times to turn it down, but it just leads to arguments. Can you help me talk to him before I lose my hearing? -- BLEEDING EARS IN SPRING VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR BLEEDING EARS: Could it be that your husband suffers from hearing loss (probably from listening to too-loud music), which is why he needs the volume turned up so high? Arguing with him won't help. He should be checked by an audiologist -- a hearing specialist -- so that he doesn't damage his hearing further, and yours won't be affected.

Protecting your hearing is important. That's why you should consider using ear plugs when you drive with him.

P.S. And when you get to the gas station, offer to pump the gas for him. If he refuses, then leave the car with him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 7 feet tall and we recently became parents of a beautiful baby girl. Everywhere we go, people make comments about my husband's height. He is used to being the target of stares and comments, having experienced it his whole life. Our daughter may grow up to be tall; how would you handle this? -- ANGELA IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR ANGELA: I would teach my daughter -- regardless of her height -- to be proud of who she is. If your daughter turns out to be tall, she'll have plenty of company, because each generation seems to be growing taller than the last one. A woman's height does not have to be a disadvantage unless she views it that way. If you stress the qualities you feel are important, chances are that's the person she'll grow up to be.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old man with three children. I'm in excellent health and have been happily married for 39 years.

I have a woman friend at work who is 28. We talk a lot, and I buy her chocolate once a week. I have never tried to see her outside of work and don't intend to, but I like her very much.

Is there something wrong with me that I like her so much? I think about her constantly. She says it's no problem. I am so fond of her it drives me crazy. I have no bad intentions toward her, and I'm not looking for an affair. She is just such a sweet young lady.

Is it normal to feel like this? Do you think I should try to forget about her? -- BLUSHING IN SCHAUMBURG, ILL.

DEAR BLUSHING: It has been my experience that the more a person tries not to think about something, the more he or she does. Please understand that you are in the throes of an old-fashioned crush. Accept it for what it is; enjoy it while it lasts. The intensity will lessen eventually.

P.S. If you stop buying her chocolate and quit feeling so guilty, you will hasten the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young mother in my early 20s with two young children and another on the way. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for three years. We have been together since we were young teenagers. Both of us come from single-parent families, and our marriage has been less than perfect.

I work a full-time swing shift. My husband works only a part-time swing shift job. I have asked him to take on another part-time job so we can be more comfortable financially, but he refuses. He says if I want more money in the household, I will have to get a second job.

If it wasn't for our families' free baby-sitting, I don't know how we could afford child care. We have no money in the bank, and we are deep in debt. I feel overwhelmed with too much responsibility and don't know what to do about it. -- ANONYMOUS MOTHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Start by telling your husband that with a third child on the way, you are in no position to take on another job -- but he is. If he refuses -- and he very well may -- then you will need to think seriously about your and your children's future, and to what degree it includes him. And please, until you are financially stable, hold off on having more children.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend is Jewish; I am not. Her mother recently found out that I am not circumcised. She has been putting pressure on me to get "snipped." Circumcision at my age would hurt a lot. I am not sure what I should do. What do you suggest? -- DOESN'T LIKE PAIN

DEAR DOESN'T LIKE PAIN: If you are seriously considering converting to Judaism, then you should discuss your concerns with a rabbi. If not, it's time to inform your girlfriend's mother that there are certain subjects you feel are none of her beeswax -- and that part of your anatomy is first on your list.

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DEAR ABBY: About a month ago, my friend lost her keys in a major department store. Despite announcements in the store, the keys were never found. My friend wasn't worried because she had her wallet and personal information in her purse.

Two weeks later, her home was robbed. There was no sign of forced entry. What we learned from the police is that the little tags we carry on our key chains from major pharmacy and supermarket chains carry our names on the receipts. All the person who found the keys had to do was purchase something, swipe the card, and the receipt came up with my friend's name printed on it! Unfortunately, her name is listed in the phone book, so the thief was able to find her house, use her house key, walk right in and take whatever he/she wanted.

I no longer keep the tags on my key chain. I keep them in a separate place in my purse or in my pocket. I hope this keeps at least one person from being robbed. -- KAREN IN METHUEN, MASS.

DEAR KAREN: So do I, and thank you for the warning. For those who prefer not to carry those little tags at all, many are linked with the shopper's telephone number in the pharmacy's or supermarket's computer. If you mention it before the cashier starts ringing up your purchase, the sale can be rung up as part of the saver's program. Inquire at the stores where you shop regularly.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, when my niece was 9, we came up with the idea of making Christmas cards and sending them out to special friends and family members. We both work hard to make sure each is attractive and in good taste, and we handwrite a personal note inside. We also print on the back that the card was "handmade with love." This has become a tradition for the two of us, and the cards are quite beautiful.

Last year, after we sent them out, I received a card from a friend with a small check inside. The card read, "I'm sending you this check so you can afford to buy 'real cards' next year." I was, to say the least, hurt and offended. I wondered if others felt similarly, so I asked around and was shocked to learn they, too, thought I was "cheap." Although it cost more money and time to create each card, no one appreciated them.

We won't be making the cards this year, but how do I tell my niece why? I don't want her feelings hurt, too. -- BLUE AT CHRISTMAS

DEAR BLUE: Tell your niece what you were told -- and by whom -- so she won't waste any more effort on these rude and unappreciative individuals. Better she hear it from you than one of the recipients.

As to the "friend" who sent the check, I hope you returned it and deleted her from your Christmas card list. What she did was uncalled for.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and I have a problem. My mother gave me $20 so I could go Christmas shopping, but I forgot I was Christmas shopping and ended up buying everything for myself. Now what do I do, because she's really mad. -- IN TROUBLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN TROUBLE: Apologize to your mother, admit what happened wasn't a memory lapse as much as yielding to temptation, and start doing whatever you can to earn more money. Some suggestions: shoveling sidewalks and driveways and dog walking, if the neighbors will let you.

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