DEAR ABBY: My father died this year. My husband and I were his primary caregivers. I was with him until his dying breath. After his passing, Mom asked us to move in so she wouldn't be alone. She has post-polio syndrome, but her biggest problem is her "princess syndrome."

She has trouble getting around, but is able to do some things while I'm at work all day. As soon as I walk in the door, she's all over me to do simple tasks that she could have done during the day. She complains the house isn't clean enough, or that this and that aren't done up to her standards.

Abby, it was easier to take care of all my dad's needs than it is to take care of hers! Her day consists of getting up at 10 a.m., watching soap operas and eating herself to more than 300 pounds. How do I deal with a mother with a major princess complex? -- NOT CINDERELLA

DEAR NOT CINDERELLA: Do it by having a frank conversation with your mother and telling her exactly what you have told me, without labeling her a princess. You should also insist that she be screened by her doctor for depression.

If her demands are more than you and your husband can deliver, then consider moving into a place of your own. However, if your mother realizes that the alternative is living alone, she may be inclined to compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year (at the time) was considered by everyone to be the most caring, good husband. But he never wanted to have relations with me. After several months of investigation, I learned he had been seeing prostitutes. He even admitted to me that when he did have sex with me he was thinking of them. Fast-forward: I forgave him; we went to counseling.

Abby, he still never wants to have sex with me! When we do, it's because I initiate it. My self-confidence is shot. He says he "doesn't have a sex drive," so I can either accept him for all the positives -- of which there are many -- and not have a sex life, or not.

I have considered fulfilling my needs outside the marriage, and giving him the green light to do the same, but he's against it. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Should I just settle and be happy with what I have? -- WANTING MORE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are obviously not happy with "what you have." And a man who engages the services of a prostitute does have a sex drive. You both need to be completely truthful with each other. Once you have reached that point, you will know what to do, and you won't have to ask me to make the decision for you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have reached an impasse. He says that breakfast, brunch or lunch is an acceptable time to spend with my girlfriends, but dinner is "family time" and should be spent at home with him.

He also says that girlfriends who spend a weekend away together are "up to no good." I see no problem with it. What are your thoughts? -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Your boyfriend appears to be insecure, controlling and have a dim view of women. If you're smart, you will find someone who is less easily threatened by female bonding and let this one go.

DEAR ABBY: This is in regard to "Blocked Writer in Oklahoma" (Oct. 29), who has been writing in journals for her son for 22 years and wonders when to give them to him now that he's married and has a son on the way himself. I agree with you that giving them to him now would be unwise because he has too much going on in his life.

She should give him a year's worth of writings when his son turns 1, so he'll know what his mom was going through when he was 1. Then give him another year's worth when his son turns 2, etc. All I can say is, wouldn't it be a great world if all kids had a mom like Blocked! -- KATHY IN EDMOND, OKLA.

DEAR KATHY: Thank you for your letter. Blocked may have been unsure of when to present her son with the journals she had been keeping for so many years, but readers experienced no writer's block in expressing their views on the subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Any mother who secretly keeps a journal for 22 years has a screw loose. Instead of mothering, she sounds like she is smothering. For her to record every moment of her son's life is an attempt to control him forever. That woman ought to get a grip and get a life of her own. -- ANDREW IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: You advised Blocked Writer to wait for a milestone birthday (25th) to give her son the journals. I would implore her not to wait three years. You never know what life brings. Now is the time for sharing such a wonderful, loving gift. -- LINDA IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: This journal is priceless, not only to her son and his posterity, but eventually to historians. Imagine how it will be to read this journal in 200 years and glimpse what life was like for this family. I beg her to make a copy of it before she gives the original to her son. I hope she can find some historical society willing to accept this journal as part of its collection. -- JO ELLEN IN BOUNTIFUL, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: I smell a narcissist! No new father has the emotional reserves to confront this encyclopedia. If the entries are all proud and glowing, great. But many narcissists time their gifts to steal some spotlight from other momentous occasions. I'd save the journal for a future date. Meanwhile, she should pitch in and help the new parents. This is one time when actions speak louder than words. -- ANONYMOUS IN WEST ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Giving the journal now would be a waste. She should continue writing. Her son's life isn't over; he is just beginning.

Continuing the journal on his journey through life as a parent, and memorializing her feelings watching him and her grandchild would be a better gift for the son to "find" once the mother is no longer here. A journal should never replace telling people in person how you feel. If Blocked at any time is unable to continue the writing, the last of the journal could be dictated and transcribed by a friend for her.

I agree she should start a companion journal about her life as well. But I encourage her to continue writing her son's journal. It would be the gift of a lifetime. -- CHRISTY IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Journaling your child's life when he is a child is fine -- and he may appreciate having a record to look back on. And once a child becomes a teenager, it would be all right to note special events. But every day? No! Teenagers want some privacy. Frankly, the idea that she has continued this after he became an adult strikes me as creepy and stalker-ish. -- SHOCKED IN CALIFORNIA

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman who finally beat a 13-year battle with drugs. I now have a job, a car, a place of my own and a bank account. My problem is, while I was on drugs I prostituted myself in order to support my habit. Now I'm terrified I have AIDS, and afraid I'll be told I don't have long to live.

I'm not dating right now, but I've had a couple of boyfriends since getting sober. I'm scared for them, but so afraid of getting a death sentence that I've never mentioned my fears to anyone. I know I'm being selfish with these guys' lives, but I'm paralyzed by my fear. What am I going to do? -- TERRIFIED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR TERRIFIED: What you are going to do is get yourself tested! Please understand that the fear you are dealing with is the same that anyone who has had multiple sex partners has had to face.

You must realize that being exposed to HIV and having AIDS are not the same. If you have been exposed to HIV -- and therefore test "positive" -- you need to know it ASAP so you can be prescribed anti-viral medications that can prevent you from getting AIDS. Getting on those meds can save your life. And you can save the lives of your former boyfriends, too, if you are HIV positive, by telling them to get tested.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for eight years and have been married to him for three. He is a unique and funny man, but he does have a few annoying quirks. The biggest one, and the reason I'm writing to you, is his need to have music blaring in our car.

It's not just when we're driving, but also when we're going through drive-thru restaurants, banks and gas stations. Gas stations are the worst because he turns the volume up even louder so he can hear it outside. Not only is it painful to my ears, but it's embarrassing.

I have asked him a number of times to turn it down, but it just leads to arguments. Can you help me talk to him before I lose my hearing? -- BLEEDING EARS IN SPRING VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR BLEEDING EARS: Could it be that your husband suffers from hearing loss (probably from listening to too-loud music), which is why he needs the volume turned up so high? Arguing with him won't help. He should be checked by an audiologist -- a hearing specialist -- so that he doesn't damage his hearing further, and yours won't be affected.

Protecting your hearing is important. That's why you should consider using ear plugs when you drive with him.

P.S. And when you get to the gas station, offer to pump the gas for him. If he refuses, then leave the car with him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 7 feet tall and we recently became parents of a beautiful baby girl. Everywhere we go, people make comments about my husband's height. He is used to being the target of stares and comments, having experienced it his whole life. Our daughter may grow up to be tall; how would you handle this? -- ANGELA IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR ANGELA: I would teach my daughter -- regardless of her height -- to be proud of who she is. If your daughter turns out to be tall, she'll have plenty of company, because each generation seems to be growing taller than the last one. A woman's height does not have to be a disadvantage unless she views it that way. If you stress the qualities you feel are important, chances are that's the person she'll grow up to be.