DEAR ABBY: I really need some help. One of my friends and her boyfriend, "Jake," have been having problems and he wants to break up with her. I have had a crush on him since I first met him. My friend knew it and dated him anyway.

Jake has been flirting with me for a while now, and I feel uncomfortable because I flirted back. I'm afraid my girlfriend will think he broke up with her for me. Please help! -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Be warned. Jake appears to be someone with a roving eye and a short attention span. While he may have his eye on you, play it cool and hold off dating him until he has first dated one or two other girls. Even then, your girlfriend may not like the idea of your seeing him -- but she won't be able to accuse you of having had any involvement in their breakup.

DEAR ABBY: My husband started smoking two years ago, and it's driving me crazy -- especially the wasted time and money. I try not to nag him, but it's hard.

Because most restaurants are now non-smoking, when we go out to dinner, instead of smoking right before he goes in, then after we leave, he'll get up a few minutes after we order to go outside and smoke -- leaving me alone for five to 10 minutes. Sometimes he does it more than once.

It makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like people are staring at me. I have asked him repeatedly not to leave me sitting there, but he won't stop. I told him it's rude and he should respect me enough to remain with me through an entire meal, but he refuses. Please tell me what you think about this. -- SMOKING MAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SMOKING MAD: Your husband isn't being willfully disrespectful. He is so addicted to nicotine that he cannot sit through an entire meal with you because he must have another "fix"! While your suggestion that he have a cigarette before entering the restaurant is logical, he is unable to go without smoking for that relatively short length of time.

It's very sad. Because you can't convince him to recognize he has a problem, ask his doctor to help him quit. Then all I can advise is to appreciate him while you can, because his habit will eventually compromise his health.

DEAR ABBY: I am an intellectual giant. I have nothing in common with my peers. I am smarter than all of them. I am in a gifted-and-talented program in my school, and I am still unable to carry on a conversation that everyone in the room can understand. Please help me. -- HEADS ABOVE THE REST IN IDAHO

DEAR HEADS ABOVE THE REST: Being intellectually gifted is an asset -- unless it isolates you because you can't relate to others. If you're as smart as you say you are, you should try to do what other "intellectual giants" have done -- learn to analogize what you're trying to communicate so that others of lesser intelligence can understand you. It is a skill and it may take practice, but the alternative is being unable to share your valuable insights with others.

If you cannot manage what I am suggesting on your own, you may need some pointers from a psychologist to gain the tools you need.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A very Merry Christmas to you all!

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about random acts of kindness. May I share something that happened to me? On Jan. 30, 2009, my husband and I took our three kids to a restaurant for breakfast to celebrate our twins' fourth birthday. When it was time to pay our bill, the waiter told us that a couple who had been sitting behind us had taken care of our tab.

What that couple didn't know was that the day before, my doctor had informed me a lump in my neck was probably lymphoma and that he needed to do a biopsy as soon as possible. He had wanted me to meet with a surgeon that morning, but I told him no. It was the twins' birthday, and I didn't want them to associate their birthday with the day Mommy got sick.

What that couple did was more than pay for our meal; it gave me hope. I felt it was a sign that everything would be "taken care of." To pay it forward, we left the waiter a large tip.

I did end up with Hodgkin's disease, but I have been in remission since August 2009. -- BLESSED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR BLESSED: Your letter made me smile. Your hope was rewarded and everything was "taken care of." And because Hodgkin's lymphoma is a treatable cancer, I hope you will continue to enjoy good health for many decades to come.

DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. My father refuses to spend time with me. He is a firefighter and says he has a busy schedule. I understand that. But when he has extra time, he will find anything else to do. I tried talking to him -- it was like talking to a brick wall.

My mom has comforted me a lot, but I feel there is something missing in my life. That missing part is my dad. Please help me to figure out how I can make the situation better. -- GIRL IN NEED IN BALTIMORE

DEAR GIRL IN NEED: You have already done as much as you can. It is now up to your mother and/or your grandparents to help your father understand that there is more to being a parent than providing financial support. I hope he gets the message before it's too late -- for him, not you.

DEAR ABBY: An odd custom is beginning to surface in my local church. Showers for new brides and new mothers are being announced from the pulpit at Sunday services. All church members are invited to attend, and in one or two instances even told what to bring for gifts.

I have always understood that showers are given by close friends, relatives, associates, etc. Just what is proper procedure for this? How does one respond to these "open" invitations? I have not responded. Am I wrong? Please help. -- SOCIALLY NAIVE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SOCIALLY NAIVE: You are not wrong; you are correct. Approach your pastor and ask why this is being done. If the reason is that the bride-to-be or mother-to-be is financially needy, and you would like to contribute, then attend the showers. If not, then treat the announcement as you would any open invitation. If you choose not to attend, you are not obligated to give a gift.

P.S. I agree with you. It is an "odd" custom.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Turkey Eater in Texas" (Nov. 12), who resented having a vegan Thanksgiving to accommodate two family members. I think your answer missed what being a gracious host is about. The entire meal shouldn't have to consist of vegan items. However, it wouldn't be a big deal to serve a vegan main dish and have those individuals also bring their favorite items. Making them bring a complete meal excludes them from a family gathering, and what fun is that?

After your column ran, my father called to tell me that holiday dinners would no longer accommodate my daughter's celiac disease. She's 9 and struggles with being "different." When she ingests gluten, she has cramps and vomiting, loses weight and risks significant long-term consequences.

Next year, we will host the holiday dinners. Our extended family can join us -- or not. The bottom line is that if you exclude family (for being vegan or having celiac disease), you've done the opposite of what holidays are about. -- KAYE IN ALABAMA

DEAR KAYE: That's true. What bothered me about the letter from "Turkey Eater" was the idea that his brother expected him to cater the entire Thanksgiving dinner to his nieces' preference to eat vegan. If the writer had said he had been asked to ensure there were dishes that would not inflame (literally) his nieces' serious medical condition, I would have answered differently.

What has surprised me about the comments I have received from readers about that letter has been the amount of prejudice and anger expressed against vegetarians by more than a few. But read on for some responses from vegans:

DEAR ABBY: I am a vegan in a meat and potatoes family. For 15 years I have spent every holiday and family gathering listening to them degrade my food choices and try to "convert" me back to my "senses." I have never expected them to cook for me. I always pack my own foods since they are unwilling to branch out and try new foods. When I have brought a dish, they all loved it, as long as they didn't know it was vegan and that I had prepared it.

I find many people are resentful if we host a dinner party with only vegan food. They expect us to accommodate them by cooking meat, but feel we should fend for ourselves at a function they hold. I encourage people to please get over the stigma of vegan/vegetarian and sample something new once in a while. If I can endure every family gathering taking place at a steakhouse, I don't think it's unreasonable to have one night when they experience how tasty food without meat in it can be. -- RACHEL IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: I am 31 and have been a vegetarian my entire life. I come from a meat-loving family and have never insisted they change an entire meal to accommodate my eating habits. Instead, I take food I know I will eat and share it with everyone else. "Turkey Eater's" vegan relatives should realize they're in the minority. If they each brought a vegan-friendly dish or two, they'd have three to six things to choose from -- and that's plenty. -- EATING WELL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: I chose veganism for many reasons, none of which is to be a pain in the keister -- either by lecturing/scolding others, or by having high-maintenance expectations. I feel it's important to be flexible, especially at get-togethers. What I value most about holidays is sharing a meal with people I love. If I want a completely vegan Thanksgiving, it should be one that I host and prepare. To expect that of non-vegetarians is not only unreasonable, but also difficult, since many people are inexperienced in how to cook vegan.

My family Thanksgiving has an array of omnivores, vegetarians and vegans. Dad loves to cook and makes sure there's something for everyone. I help bake pies, others bring a vegan dish and everyone is content. Sometimes the vegetarian dishes are so delicious, the omnivores salivate.

Mutual respect is of utmost importance. Being militant or demanding can bring a negative perspective to vegetarianism. If we want others to empathize with us, we need to do the same. -- THANKFUL VEGAN IN KANSAS CITY