DEAR ABBY: A while back I told my family I was considering downsizing my life and made the big mistake of telling them I want them to eventually have my house. I also revealed the contents of my will. Now I feel exposed, uncomfortable and vulnerable -- possibly even a bit paranoid that they might want to have me "six feet under" sooner than I should be.

I don't think I am ready to move yet, but I have gotten my family's hopes up. I did talk to one of them and felt reassured at the time, but I still sense that there's a change in how they perceive me and all of our futures now.

How can I undo the damage, knowing I have to make sure I have enough money to live on as well as provide for them when I'm gone? -- FOOT-IN-MOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR F-IN-M: Two of the most sensitive subjects to discuss are death and money, and you deserve praise for having started the conversation. I disagree that making your intentions known instead of having them transmitted during a reading of your will was a mistake. Because you feel there may have been a misunderstanding, call a family meeting and clarify your message. Tell them your health is great, you have no plans to move in the near future and plan to live a long and happy life.

DEAR ABBY: My mother lives in an assisted living community in the memory care unit. During a recent visit, I became upset because the care staff addressed my mom as "Granny," "Grandma," "Mamma," etc. Mother struggles with the time of day, the day of the week and sometimes forgets who we are -- so I don't see the benefit of using names other than her own. I think it is disrespectful, unacceptable and unprofessional.

When I asked the attendant to please address Mom as "Mrs. Smith" or "Ms. Ann," she laughed and said, "Granny wouldn't know who I was talking to if I called her by those names." My siblings and I took this issue to the director, who told us we shouldn't be hurt and that the staff was showing our mom she is loved.

I am interested in knowing your opinion on this matter. -- SHE HAS A NAME IN GEORGIA

DEAR SHE HAS A NAME: Not knowing the national origin of the attendants in your mother's care unit I can't be certain, but what you encountered may be a cultural difference. In other cultures, calling someone "Mama," "Auntie" or "Grandma" is considered respectful. While it made you uncomfortable, if it didn't have that effect on your mother, you should take your cue from the director of the facility. However, because you have formally requested that your mother be addressed by name, then that is what should be done in the future.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I are out together, he strides out ahead of me and calls back, "Catch up!" or "Keep up!" I am not creeping along but walking at my own (reasonable) pace. I think he should either slow down or let me walk behind him and not expect me to run after him at his command. What do you think? -- LIKES TO SMELL THE ROSES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LIKES TO SMELL THE ROSES: Unless your husband is a Marine drill sergeant, I think you're right.

DEAR ABBY: I want you to know how much I agree with your answer to "Paying for My Popcorn in Oregon" (Sept. 15), who complained about her niece sneaking food into the theater.

I used to teach a parenting class to parents who had kids in trouble with the law. I started out by asking, "How many of you teach your children to lie, cheat or steal?" Of course nobody admitted they did. I then had about 20 items I'd list, the movie food issue being one, driving over the speed limit, and so on. At least one of the 20 applied to everybody.

Then I'd say: "You taught your kids that it was OK to lie, cheat and steal -- it's only getting caught that's bad. That's why you are in my class today." This is what that niece is teaching her children. -- PAUL IN DENVER

DEAR PAUL: Thank you for agreeing. However, I'm sorry to say that many readers thought the issue was more about the cost and selection of snacks than that of cheating the theater owners. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: For a family of four to see a movie and get a drink and popcorn or candy costs about $80. This is highway robbery. The cost of a drink is about 5 or 10 cents to the theater, and they charge a whopping $5. The same goes for popcorn. Let's be serious. How much does popcorn cost? A tub of popcorn at a theater is $7.50.

My children want the whole theater experience, which includes a snack. How can a family afford to go to the movies at these prices? Theater owners should be able to make a reasonable profit on the snacks, but this is ridiculous. Sorry, I will continue to bring my snacks in. -- KIM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: While I agree that it is the theater operators' prerogative to set policy and make money, I have done what the niece is doing, but for different reasons. My children and I are allergic to corn products as well as artificial colors and flavorings -- ingredients in every product commonly sold at movie concession stands.

Recently my family has made a different choice. We either eat before we go, or we wait for the DVD and stay home. I would like companies to know that when they exclude outside food, they also exclude my family. -- ALLERGIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: By teaching children that it's OK to cheat on this particular issue, they will generalize that it's OK to cheat anytime, if they don't agree with whoever sets the rules. Thus it may become OK to cheat in school because "he makes the tests too hard," or to engage in underage drinking because "the law is stupid, and besides, everyone does it."

Just wait until they decide it's OK to sneak out of the house when Mom says "no" because "her reasons are lame!" That mother had better be careful when she justifies, because what parents teach their kids will affect them sooner or later. -- SUSIE IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: "Paying" could search for activities to help them see another way of looking at the world.

Instead of going to a movie, I suggest that the aunt arrange to take the children (with or without her niece) to an outing such as craft time at a library, a visit to a museum, or gather in the kitchen to share a family recipe and donate the food to a local shelter. They could spend an afternoon helping at the local food pantry, which would provide an opportunity for her to discuss values and priorities.

In this way she could interact with her niece and the children and build lasting memories. They could even go to the grocery store and make a game out of seeing how much food they could buy for the amount they would have spent at the movie. -- AN AWESOME AUNT IN HEBRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I married "Raymond" in 2004. I met his son, "Bill," a year before the wedding and have been in a relationship with him ever since. (He's married to one of my friends and has a child with her.)

Raymond supports me financially and provides all the necessities -- house, car, food, clothes, etc. -- without my having to work. But Bill supports me emotionally, and there's more of a "connection."

I have learned that marriages dissolve for one of two reasons: money or sex. The money is there, but Raymond and I haven't been romantic in more than a year.

Am I walking into a ring of fire by keeping the relationship with Bill? Ray says he loves me and cares about me, but only when I ask how he feels about me. With Bill, I don't have to ask -- he says it. -- IN A QUANDARY

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: May I mention a third reason that marriages break up? It's when one spouse discovers that the other has been cheating. If your marriage to Raymond, who has endowed you with all the worldly goods he can, is of any importance to you, tell him that although you're living in style, all of your needs are not being met. Give him a chance to fulfill the rest of them. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to predict that if you don't value what you've got, you will lose it.

DEAR ABBY: It has been a difficult year. The brother of one of my dear friends had a massive stroke and she is now his caretaker. Another friend's 15-year-old son recently committed suicide, and a third friend's 23-year-old daughter is in the late stages of MS. I also have several friends who are dealing with cancer.

I always feel lost about what to say or how to reach out and help. How do I respond in these situations? -- HURTING FOR MY FRIENDS

DEAR HURTING: You don't have to say anything profound in order to be supportive. The way to respond is to do for them what you would hope someone would do for you in similar circumstances. Call your friends regularly and keep them informed about what's going on. Ask how they are doing. If they need to vent, listen. If you have spare time, offer to cook them a meal, do some laundry, or give them a few hours to run errands by keeping their sick relative company. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old mother of a 1-year-old boy who means the world to me. I was raped two months ago and recently learned that I am pregnant. I am scared to death of telling my mother.

When my son was born, his father left for his tour of duty in Iraq and I moved in with her. She is 57 and has helped me out in every way she can since he was killed on his mission. I love my mother dearly and don't know what I would do without her, but I am at a loss about how to tell her about this pregnancy. Your advice would be appreciated. -- SCARED TO DEATH

DEAR SCARED TO DEATH: Your mother should have been told about the rape when it happened. You should have also informed the police, and received counseling and emergency contraception and medication to prevent an STD. If you haven't seen an OB/GYN, schedule an appointment immediately to ensure that the baby you're carrying will be born healthy.

You also need to tell your mother before your pregnancy becomes obvious, so the two of you can decide whether you can afford to raise another child or if you should place the child for adoption. Please don't wait. The longer you do, the harder the discussion will be.