DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and my husband is 45. When we met, he weighed 375 pounds. He has now hit the 600-pound mark. I have five kids, a full-time job and go to school two nights a week. He talks about losing weight, but it's easier to talk about than actually do. He was in a car accident that left him with back problems, and on top of that he has bad knees from sports.

The future doesn't look promising. I know that one day he'll be confined to bed -- I predict in the very near future -- and I will have to drop everything to take care of him. He is already dependent on me and the older kids to take care of him because he's in pain all the time and can't physically do anything. He doesn't have insurance.

If I didn't have a family to take care of, it might not be as big of an issue. This is very depressing. I am thinking of seeing a counselor. He has already told me that he won't go. Your input would be greatly appreciated. -- WIFE OF A BIG MAN

DEAR WIFE: Talk to a counselor right away. Unless you do something now, you will be unemployed and homebound with a sick husband and five dependent children. Who enabled your helpless husband to gain all the weight?

His life depends upon him being on a strict, sensible nutrition regimen. Because he has no insurance, a self-help group could be a lifesaver. Overeaters Anonymous may be able to give you some guidance and offer him emotional support. There are chapters nationwide, as near as your phone book, or contact them online at www.oa.org.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Frank," and I have been together for four months. I'm 21 and he's 31. He was married before. This is my first serious relationship.

Sometimes we get into heated arguments because he's ready to "plan for the future" while I just want to go with the flow. He thinks I don't take our relationship seriously because I'm not ready to move in with him, get married or start a family yet. When I explain that I would love for all of that to happen -- eventually -- Frank says it seems more like a friendship than a relationship. That really hurts me, because I'm trying.

These arguments over my lack of "seriousness" are killing me. They started two months into the relationship. I feel pressured. If the pressure continues, I'm feeling like we may not be able to be together. I need your advice, please. -- DOING THE BEST I CAN IN BOSTON

DEAR DOING THE BEST YOU CAN: You are a smart young woman with excellent instincts. Trust them. You feel pressured because you are being pressured. In fact, you're being given the full-court press.

Pushing for a quick involvement/commitment is one of the warning signs of an abuser. Ask yourself, What's the rush? Find out the reasons why his marriage failed. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be pushed into anything you are not completely comfortable with. And if it persists, end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm seeing a counselor for my anxiety, and it bothers me that he yawns throughout each consultation. He sometimes apologizes for it, though. Is this inappropriate behavior for a therapist? -- MIFFED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MIFFED: Unless your counselor is starved for oxygen or burning the candle at both ends, yes, it is. And because it is distracting to you during your sessions, tell him if it doesn't stop, you will have to find another counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay woman. My partner, "Jenny," and I have been friends with another couple for 15 years. Over the last year I have come to realize that I no longer want to be friends with them. One of them has been particularly unkind to me, and frankly, we don't have a lot in common.

Jenny is uncomfortable with my decision and wants me to talk to them to discuss my feelings. They have already asked her if there's a problem. If I talk to them, I'm sure they will be offended by what I have to say because I didn't say anything when the issues first arose. I'm not good at confrontation, and it's hard for me to tell someone my feelings are hurt.

The bottom line is, I want out of this couple's friendship. But I need to do it in a way that's OK with Jen. I met the couple through her, and she wants to continue her friendship with them. Please help. -- MOVING ON IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOVING ON: It would not be confrontational to tell them that while you have known each other for a long time, you feel you have grown apart. You should also mention that your feelings were hurt when one of them said "( )." At least that way they will understand why you have disappeared, and Jenny won't be left with the responsibility of explaining it to them.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I recently received a wedding invitation from a friend of his from high school. Our wedding is not far away, and I have an etiquette question.

Although it wasn't stated on the invitation where the bride and groom were registered, a Facebook message was sent after our invitation arrived in the mail. It said, "In lieu of gifts, people can donate monetarily to the couple" -- by check or cash the day of the wedding, or via a Paypal account they have set up.

I'm confused. I grew up (and still live in) the South, and this doesn't seem like a traditional approach to gift-giving. Isn't it considered inappropriate to ask for money? -- MYSTIFIED BRIDE IN ALABAMA

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Yes, it is. To solicit money the way that couple did is crude. An acceptable way to get the word out about the type of gifts couples prefer is by word of mouth. Guests usually ask if a couple is registered and where, and when the question is raised, it's all right to tell them. If you have created a wedding website, the information can be included on it; however, it shouldn't be so blatant that it appears gifts are uppermost in your mind.

When couples prefer a gift of money, the proper way the information should be conveyed is verbally by your family or friends, but not by you.

DEAR ABBY: I love the holiday season, but I often feel the blues and get a little depressed. I lost my father on Christmas Day several years ago and have since lost a brother to cancer. I'm tired of feeling this way when this is the season to be merry. What can I do? -- ANOTHER BLUE CHRISTMAS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BLUE: I am sorry for your losses. Because of your father's death on Christmas Day, it may always bring some sense of loss. However, an effective way to distract yourself would be to spend time in the company of friends who understand your feelings. Another would be to volunteer at a senior center, shelter or food distribution program. Helping someone else through a difficult time is the surest cure for the blues. Please give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: Why do camera-happy people think it's OK to snap someone's picture and then post it on social networking sites without permission?

I recently attended a party for an old friend. Of course, everyone wanted a photo of the guest of honor. Don't get me wrong, I love pictures. But I think that if the photographer is intending to post it online, he or she should ask, "Is it all right if I post your photo on my Facebook page?"

One considerate person asked if he could photograph our table and we agreed. Another person didn't ask and just kept snapping away. I tried to duck out of the way when I knew it was going to be an unflattering shot, but it was posted anyway and I looked awful.

I have some health issues that have caused weight gain and hair loss, and I'm very self-conscious and do not want my image plastered all over the Internet looking this way. I am usually a good sport, but wonder if others feel this is a breach of etiquette and possibly security. What do you think? -- CAMERA-SHY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAMERA-SHY: You are definitely not the only person who feels this way. Most people prefer to be seen when they know they look their best. Feeling as you do, contact the person who took and posted the picture and ask that it be taken down from the Facebook page. Your reason for asking is valid -- and if the person has any manners at, all your wishes will be respected.

DEAR ABBY: My college roommate "Jillian" has become my closest friend. When we started discussing room assignments for next year, she informed me that she won't be rooming with me because she wants to transfer to a different school to be with her boyfriend. She will be transferring from one of the best schools in the state to one that's much less prestigious.

If Jillian's boyfriend loved her, he wouldn't pressure her into changing schools. How can I convince her that she's giving up an opportunity to receive the best education here? -- WANTS THE BEST FOR HER IN GEORGIA

DEAR WANTS THE BEST FOR HER: It would be interesting to know how Jillian's parents feel about her making the move. Has she told them her plans yet? If they are aware and have voiced no objection, you could debate this with Jillian forever and not convince her because she's thinking with her heart, not her head.

This may not be what you're hoping to hear, but my advice is to start looking for another roommate.

DEAR ABBY: When my sister's husband comes to our house for a family dinner or other event, he immediately asks where he can take a nap. He then goes upstairs and sleeps for a couple of hours. This has been going on for more than five years and is not related to any medical condition. Should I mention this to my sister? I think he is being rude. -- "SLEEPY'S" B.-I.-L.

DEAR B.-I.-L.: You should definitely talk to your sister about her husband's behavior -- although she may wonder why it has taken you so long to do so. "Sleepy" may be uncomfortable interacting with people, which is why he retreats upstairs to sleep. Please withhold judgment until you have more information.