DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 15 years. We skipped the honeymoon after our wedding so we could save up for our 15th anniversary, which we will celebrate this summer. We plan to stay at one of the resorts at Disney World.

When I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, she said, "It's silly to go to a place like Disney World without a child or two," and asked me if we would bring her son and his friend with us. I refused, saying that this trip is for my husband and me. She then accused us of being childish and selfish. I agree that going to Disney World may be childish -- that's the whole point -- but selfish? Do you agree with that? -- CHILD AT HEART

DEAR CHILD: No, I do not. For your sister-in-law to have said what she did was rude and nervy. Unless the children were yours and you wanted them to accompany you, a honeymoon (belated or not) is for the couple celebrating their marriage. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating a nice man for three months and we have spent every weekend together. Recently, he has talked about taking me to a family celebration in another state. The conversation prompted me to initiate a discussion about where we are in our relationship. During the course of our talk, he explained that he feels it's too early for us to be an official couple. But he does want me to meet his parents.

I don't see why I should invest the time and energy to meet his family if he's still thinking about dating other people. Do you agree? -- NERVOUS IN D.C.

DEAR NERVOUS: I sure don't. When a man wants you to meet his family, it's a compliment. It doesn't necessarily mean he has marriage on his mind. If you are interested in him with an eye on becoming a couple, accept his invitation. It will give you a chance to see what kind of family he comes from and how they treat each other, which is valuable insight. It will also give his family a chance to see what a charming, personable woman you are.

If you refuse the invitation for the reason you stated, I'd be surprised if the relationship developed much further.

DEAR ABBY: Please help with something that has been on my mind for years. I am one of your male readers. I have a sister, "Eileen," who is a bit older. We had a wonderful childhood and are close.

When Eileen entered college, she became pregnant. Because she was unmarried, she and Mom went to a different city and she had the baby. I believe the child was placed for adoption. I don't know if it was a boy or girl.

Eileen returned home, finished college, got married and now has a family. It was never mentioned again. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about the baby she had. I think about it a lot and wonder if I should ask her, or if it's too painful for her to discuss after all these years. I sometimes think I have a niece or nephew out there and wonder what he or she is like. Should I ask my sister or just leave it alone? -- WISTFUL OUT WEST

DEAR WISTFUL: I'm sure your sister also sometimes thinks about the child she placed for adoption and wonders what he or she is like. However, unless she raises the subject with you, my advice is to leave it alone. If it has never been mentioned again, there is a good reason for it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 53, talks often about his college days when he smoked marijuana. I tried it once and didn't like it. Over the past several years he has started smoking it again.

I have told him I don't approve, but he says he does it only occasionally "to take the edge off." Many times he has smoked when we're out on bike rides, on road trips or a Sunday drive. It makes me feel like he needs to be high in order to have a good time with me.

I tried compromising by asking him not to do it when we are together. He agreed, but he doesn't keep his word. He does it thinking I don't know what he's up to.

I have noticed that he is becoming forgetful and is sometimes unable to understand information. Is this a midlife crisis he's going through? How do I get him to stop? -- MRS. POTHEAD IN WINONA, MINN.

DEAR MRS. POTHEAD: It's not a midlife crisis. I'm told that the grass that's available today is far stronger than when your hubby smoked it in college.

Your husband may be becoming forgetful and unable to process information because he's smoking pot a lot, or because of a neurological problem. Because marijuana slows reaction time, he should not be driving while under the influence, and you shouldn't be riding with him.

Since you can't convince him to stop, you could benefit from visiting a support group for families and friends of individuals who are addicted to drugs, because marijuana is one, and it appears your husband has become addicted.

P.S. Of course, marijuana is also illegal.

DEAR ABBY: "Jerry," my husband, has been sending pictures of himself to online dating sites, advertising for a personal relationship with the so-called "right woman."

I feel this is a betrayal of our marriage vows and that it's cheating. He claims he's "just looking" at what's out there.

My concern is, why is he looking in the first place? All I get from him is "I love you" and "I want to be with you." I have seen these dating sites, and I feel hurt and betrayed. Am I wrong to feel this way, or should I believe what he says about harmless fun? -- BROKEN-HEARTED LIBRA, LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR LIBRA: Your instincts are right on the money. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt and cheated on because your husband's words don't match his actions. What he's doing is not "harmless fun"; it is a danger to your marriage. Do not tolerate it. Run, don't walk, to a marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go alone because your marriage could depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced 20 years ago and have two children from my marriage. My ex-husband was black and I am Caucasian. Over the years, when I've discussed my children or showed photos of them, people have asked me if they are "mixed," if they have the same father and if I was married to their father. I presume that some folks assume interracial marriage indicates a lack of good judgment, giving rise to further inappropriate questions.

I would love a good, snappy comeback to those questions without stooping to their level of rudeness. I have tried, "Why would you ask me that?" and got even more questions. Any advice or help you could give would be great. -- TAKEN ABACK IN INDIANA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Rather than a snappy comeback, why not simply answer "yes" to all three of those questions and end the conversation?

DEAR ABBY: "Pennsville, N.J., Reader" (May 15) complained that her book club members don't always read their current book and want to socialize instead. I can add nothing to your thoughtful answer. Still, her letter troubles me.

As you know, literacy is under siege in America, and many people can't follow the directions on a box of cake mix. Years ago, I heard Margaret Mead speak. She warned us against turning into a "machine-worshipping society," and that is precisely what we have become. It's killing off a part of our brains. We are wired to electronic messaging most of the time, at our peril. Reading serious books helps to reclaim our brains.

Each member of my group has a voice in selecting the book. Most of us do read the monthly selection, and the moderator -- friendly but firm -- keeps us on track with our discussions. No one ventures too far afield, ever. If someone comes to the meeting and hasn't read the selection, she simply listens and takes notes while the others discuss the designated chapters.

I feel strongly that if anyone wants to socialize instead, he/she should arrange and host their own meetings at home and make it clear that the gathering is a social chat. -- BOOK CLUB MEMBER IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOOK CLUB MEMBER: Readers agree that the reading and socializing should be kept separate and were quick to offer solutions to the problem of mixing the two. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: For years, I have led three book groups in three different states. Our monthly meetings are two hours long; the discussions are 60 to 90 minutes. Socializing comes afterward. We choose books by ballot, voting from a list submitted by members. Each member leads discussions on a rotating basis of a book that particularly piques their interest.

If the non-readers of the group mentioned in the letter (who should not be attending a book group just to socialize) were discussion leaders, they would read the book. If they choose to attend without reading, they should remain quiet during the discussion and wait to socialize later. Give those lazy nonreaders a task! -- SERGEANT-AT-ARMS IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered the joy of audio books. Most of them are classics long out of copyright, but classics are classics because they are good. My local library has a way to access current books by best-selling authors. I get all of these treasures on my cellphone and listen to them no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

Being "too busy" is no longer an excuse for not being well-read. I'll bet the women in that club would get with the program if they were introduced to audio books. -- WIRED BOOKWORM, STILLWATER, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: Here's how our club handled the problem of members not reading the books: We started charging $5 for failure to do it. The money is held by our unofficial treasurer, and every summer it is used to pay for meals during our yearly summer outing. It's a simple system that has cut down on people not doing the assigned reading. --BOOK-CLUBBER, TOO

DEAR ABBY: Our group has every member take a turn to host for a month. The leader chooses the book we read and leads the discussion. Once this plan was adopted, several people dropped out. But we have now grown to 18 members and have a waiting list, so we must be doing something right. Sure, there will be books not everyone cares for, but variety is what a book group is all about.

Socializing is fun, but being a member of a book group is about reading. -- LYNN IN LILBURN, GA